Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I have been dating someone who I really liked and finally had sex with him and it was the worst. Should I give him another chance?

Backstory: A friend of mine set me up with him and we met at a party and he talked to me all night and asked for my number. We texted for about five days and his communication skills were something I really valued. I never had to wait over two/three hours for a response and he talked in paragraphs like I did. We have a lotttt in common! We finally went on a date and we were making out and he got really handsy (reached under my clothes and grabbed my boobs and my ass) and I freeze in these situations so I didn’t say anything to stop it I just continued making out with him. The next day we talked and he apologized for being so handsy and said he was just excited because it’s been so long since he’s been on a date and he really liked me. So I gave him a second chance. And the next couple of times we hung out he was respectful and showed changed behavior. After a week I was feeling real chemistry and I wanted to have sex with him. So I did. It was the worst I’ve ever had. There was almost no foreplay and the actual sex part lasted two minutes. The whole experience lasted maybe five. I’m laying silently and awkwardly there like “what the bloody hell just happened?” He offers me water and then says, “give me 10 minutes and I’ll be ready for round 2.” He doesn’t ask if it was good for me or say “hey sorry it’s not usually that quick, how can I make you cum?” He says nothing. After 10 minutes of more awkward silence I have a conversation with him. He says “he needs more emotion for the sex to be better.” And I’m confused because for someone who needs more emotional attachment he certainly went really far on the first date. He checked off so many of my boxes and I thought we really had something. When we talked he didn’t get defensive or angry and seemed embarrassed and understanding of how I felt and apologized profusely. Should I give him another chance? Side note: during our conversation after sex he started to ask if I’d be his girlfriend and I said “way too soon”
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Yes I'd give it more time and another chance. Also did you try round 2? That awkward silence is a killer though. Try telling him what you like sexually and see how he responds to it. If nothing else, it will hopefully open up communication and get rid of that awkwardness and get you both a bit more comfortable. That's the problem right now and probably why he didn't last long (on top of if being the first time with someone new). The excitement combined with the anxiety (too much in his own head) can make us orgasm quickly. This should improve as time goes on and the more sex you have together. The first time with anyone isn't likely to be "mind blowing", you have to get comfortable with each other and learn each other's likes and dislikes. You can start the conversation by asking him some of his, and then telling him some of yours and see how that conversation goes? :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • The key isn't to judge a person's early efforts, but to see if that person is interested in learning. If he is eager to learn, and actually pays attention to and applies the knowledge, things can improve. When he apologizes, find out exactly what he is apologizing for. If he is just giving you a blanket apology or doesn't seem to want to learn his role in what happened, pass him by.

    • The apology seemed genuine. I was mostly upset that my sexual needs were not taken into consideration after the fact. But I asked him to drive me home after and he started to ask what my preferences were and what I liked, I wish he had asked those things earlier but he still asked. And said he wants to learn more about me

    • It's amazing how many people have sex before they even discuss it with the other person. Find out what it means to both people. Find out preferences and hangups. Find out what they like giving and what they like receiving. Discover whether they want to learn or feel they already have all the answers. You say you wish he had asked those things earlier, but there's no reason you need to wait for the other person to initiate the conversation. As long as you're not critical, guys who matter are generally open to discuss most anything.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Sometimes there’s sexual chemistry right away and sometimes you have to work at it. I’d say give him another chance if you’re otherwise interested in him. Have a conversation about your sexual needs and see if he takes your concerns seriously. If he doesn’t make the experience better for you the second time, then he’s not really into you and I’d cut my losses. I’d give him the chance though. You don’t want to possibly miss out on a great relationship over one bad performance.

    • Thank you so much. This is very helpful and my thoughts exactly. There’s definitely sexual chemistry which is why — at first, having sex after a week and a half didn’t feel like rushing, but then the experience was rushed. I met up with him and talked to him today and I think the conversation went well. He seemed to absorb what I was saying and didn’t get offended or defensive. He said he’s not usually like that, this was just the first time he’s opened up to someone in a year after his engagement went badly. We’re going to take things more slowly and see how things go

  • I think you're in your right to feel that way but maybe give him a chance. Maybe it's hard for him and he's super insecure about that and rather keep going instead of talk about it. Try and get in his head and see if that's the problem or maybe you take lead and try and make him feel comfortable and show him some of your skills?

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 8

  • I say definitely yes. Maybe even suggest he jack off beforehand so he can last. Clearly he was really excited to be with you.

  • Ok, should be a girlfriend before his fuck partner if your serious about him.

    Also sounds like he wasn't into you, or just using you to get himself off.

  • There are a few things to consider here.
    Hit me up if you want to talk about it

    • I am not at a high enough level to message people yet. I’d love to talk about it though.

    • Follow me

    • I did! It still says I have to be 2+ level to message anyone

    • Show All

  • A relationship should not be all about the sex... lol

  • No, absolutely not, run fast and far. Lites too short... If someone is bad in bed then they're probably a child molester or some other deep dark hidden secret. It ain't rocket science, just takes some memory and listening skills...

  • Lmao.. well if u want a hard sex which gonna last like 20-25 min he's not the guy u looking for. Foreplay is something very necessary and must be involved in when it's sex, too bad he banged you without feeling any shit.

  • I would give him another chance

  • It won’t get any better, cut your loses and move on.

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