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I just tried to medically detransition back to male to see if the transphobes are right. Here's what happened!

I just tried to medically detransition back to male to see if the transphobes are right. Heres what happened!

I spent the last several months trying to detransition medically. I wanted to see if I could be happy with my natural body. This is the first time in a decade that I allowed my body to produce its own natural hormones. I haven't known how testosterone feels since I was 15. Testosterone felt disgusting then. I was hoping that wouldn't be the case at 27.

Within a month I noticed I was just uncomfortable. Just all around uncomfortable. There was like an uncomfortable warm feeling throughout my body. My penis began working again. And I found myself watching porn again. At first I actually enjoyed playing with my weenie again. But in time it became disgusting. I would randomly get horny all day and a lot of the time I'd think "I can't wait to get home and look at porn" I got way more confrontational and stopped caring as much about cute, heartwarming things. I even stopped being as loving towards my kitties. I would get angry and upset at times and feel like I couldn't escape the anger until I did something stupid which I would have to convince isn't worth it. I grew chest hair and I now have more facial hair than ever.

Now that I'm back on estrogen I feel like a person again. I feel normal. That uncomfortable warm ness throughout my body is now a comfy coolness. I'm not disgusted with how often I get horny. I'm more patient and understanding and less confrontational. I'm crying at touching beautiful stories again. I tweezed my entire chest and much of my face and I'm finally happy. Looking at my chest made me feel like a monster and feeling scratchy like sandpaper in my neck makes me feel so, so uncomfortable I can never let the rest of my face get that scratchy!

I only transitioned medically not socially, because that would require money for clothes and I'm scared of being in a position where men treat me as one of them and women treat me as a man. I always hated when cute guys treated me like some dorky boy they could pick on and when girls, who I really just wanted to be friends with, thought I'm some gross loser. I just wanted to see if I could let my body do its natural thing. And I can't. Testosterone still makes me suicidal. Im not some horny, hairy, short, weak loser with man boobs.

Why can't I be happy with my natural body? Why do people treat me like I have a choice to be trans? I wish I could be normal but I can't be a man.

IMPORTANT:

When I say testosterone and being a man makes me feel like a monster and makes me feel disgusting and lame I'm not saying that I feel that way about men. I'm not saying men should feel that way about themselves. If you would actually believe that my thoughts and feelings are that of a woman then you'd understand that I'm only talking about myself, a woman with a foreign genital that gets aroused too fast and often and thick, dark hair growing from her breasts.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yeah, that just show that the problem isn't that you are in the "wrong body", it's your mind that isn't right.
    And just the fact that you need chemicals in your body to feel "normal" show that you're not normal.
    You're not a girl. You're a guy with an issue. And I don't say that as an insult, or in a derogatory way. There is an issue, and instead of fixing it as best as you can, you're just following it.
    In an extreme comparison, it would be like suffering from schizophrenia, and instead of trying to treat the hallucinations you have, you're treating them as real and living with them.
    Of course in your case it's not that serious, but what you feel isn't real, you're not a girl.

    • I'm a beautiful sweet woman ❤️🥰

    • Nope. No more than anyone really believing he's Jesus is Jesus. Everything up to your genes tells you that you're a guy. That's how it is.

    • That's not an extreme comparison at all, it was a highly accurate example that shows how insane, shoving the opposite kind of hormones into your body than what your body is supposed to normally and naturally produce, really is. It's complete and utter ignorance and lostness.

    • Show All

  • "I wish I could be normal but I can't be a man." Pretty sure if you were born in the past you wouldn't have the option for hormone therapy since it wasn't yet invented. So yeah you could just not take it.

    • I would be constantly miserable and sad 🥺

Most Helpful Girls

  • Why do you care so much about what others think, especially if those are random people on the internet? And don’t make assumptions about how others will view you before actually getting to know them and become their friends? You shouldn’t have put yourself in a miserable position just to prove some people wrong, I’m actually a little envious that you have a feminine body, I also can’t stand having facial and body hair and those other things you mentioned about being male. Learn to love yourself and not worry what others think or might think.

    • The only one she has to worry about what they think of her is any prospective boyfriend. She would have to be very up front on what she is. Some people don't take surprises well. In fact I just saw an article that said that at least 45 transgender or gender non-conforming people have been killed in America this year, making it the deadliest to date.

    • @Daniela1982 That's completely awful if true (and though I don't have the evidence, it wouldn't shock me if it was true). Having said that, you are exactly right that trans-folks need to be VERY up-front about who they are, because some people (men particularly) would feel profoundly betrayed and angry to be fooled/misled, and for most men, to have their masculinity threatened in that way strikes them to their core. Most men can handle that like an adult, but there are certainly a few who have few morals and no impulse control, and that can be dangerous, and even deadly. Some trans-folk think it's cute to mislead people, but if they do it to the wrong person, things could go very badly.

    • @MrOracle I'm not misleading anyone

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  • Are you attracted to women or men? It seems like having more testosterone would make you more attracted to women during the time of your experiment.

    • It made me hornier in general and I was interested in women to a degree

    • So you usually like men better?

    • Yes I'm pretty much straight

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 16

  • I am glad you are back to who you rightfully are. Stay strong and don't let the hating idiots here or anywhere else try to tell you differently

  • Yeah I don't really understand what you're talking, about all I know is that regardless of what anybody says, regardless if you're a transgender, you're still a woman. In my opinion I feel like there is a 65% chance of transgender women finding decent boyfriend to accept them as women. To me, transgender women are everyday women on the street.

  • A good read. Just try to be yourself and accept who you are.

    yes I appreciate it’s hard and made harder by where You live.

    As the 2 girls said, learn to love yourself and ignore the crap on here.

    i would look at having a chat with someone that does deal in these types of things.

    there are online forums for assistance and advice, someone to chat to etc,

    Counselling is always a good shout for almost anyone at anytime.

  • You've got problems, kiddo. You're trying to hide them behind your gender nonsense. But you are actually suffering mental problems that you need to find real help for.

    • I have mental problems because people are mean to me 😭

  • the thing is that people should be allowed to do whatever they want, but what you were feeling was something most guys that are not top 20% feel, I simply started working out and losing weight when I started feeling bad, but I am afraid you may have made a big mistake by acting to fast, I don't know

  • Based on that picture, if it is you, you have a lovely looking girl face and tiny attractive boobs. Why would you want that any other way? Hopefully your disgusting parts are small enough so that you can keep them from distracting from your appearance.

    • @elizapam Girl, how is it going for you now?

    • @elizapam I just saw a comment that you have decided to retransition back to being a guy. You are such a lovely looking girl, so why do you want to do that?

  • hey how are you?

  • Just accept that you are a girl and move on with life. Good luck sister.

  • i don't think you're in the wrong body. you're just a misandrist xD

    • also: one doesn't just "detransition"... maybe you should get real professional help. both psychologically and bio-medically. hormones aren't shit you play around with.

    • I don't hate men, I love men. I'm just not a man.

    • well ok then. still please for the love of god stop playing around with hormones this isn't fun and games. they guck you up. have you even gotten in touch with a proper psychiatrist?

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  • If you start transition during purberty than you will not be able to overcome that shock. You did it to early. It's not to late but to do as you will. If your that uncomfortable with yourself thats fine but most guys would prefer to know their dating a trans instead of you all just saying hey were women deal with it

  • Do your thing.

    Can't expect others to share your views.

  • Great myTake and I have to say that the little bit of what I know about you is I will always have your back. I think that you are incredibly courageous to allow yourself to share your vulnerabilities. This is a wonderful trait you have. Personally I think that you are on the right path in life. Keep moving forward with your head held high.

  • Estrogen is like a drug for those who do not produce it naturally in the amounts you are consuming. Like any other drug it can be addictive. The symptoms you mentioned are the same symptoms that drug addicts talk about when they try to get off of drugs. I know because I was an addict for over 25 years. Doing drugs was normal for me and when I was without I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I was not me... If an alcoholic stops drinking they will also go through withdrawals.
    I am not saying you should be male or female. What I am saying is that the withdrawals your body was going through does not mean you should be one way or the other. An alcoholic going through withdrawals is angry too. An addict going through withdrawals doesn't feel normal either. When an addict goes through rehab for 90 days and gets out all they want to do is get drugs as soon as they can, as you with estrogen.
    Personally I do not care if you want to be a girl or just don't want to be a guy. The reason I posted this is because I think you need to take an honest inventory of yourself. Stop making excuses for not wanting to be a guy. The reasons you listed for doing this are just reasons for not wanting to be a guy. What are the reasons you want to be a girl? Masturbating is disgusting = excuse for not wanting to be male. Hairy chest = Excuse for not wanting to be male. Angry = girls get angry too. Watch porn = girls watch porn too.
    So what are the reasons you want to be a girl? You do not have to post them here but you do need to think about it. and be honest with yourself. This was not meant to be hurtful or hateful in any way. It is my personal assessment of what you wrote and my suggestion of what might help you. If you be honest with yourself and do and inventory of yourself you will find that you are more comfortable with whatever decision you make. You will see results if you are completely honest with yourself.

  • Is that you in the pic?

    • Yes.

  • testosterone is very Powerful... its not for the faint of heart, now you know what pre-pubescent boys go through... it's not easy for either Sex to grow up... respect eaxxh oter, because you have NO idea what they are dealing with

  • You have Kitties😻😻😻😻I have two cats and love them so much!!!

  • Have your DNA Checked. If your DNA says that you are male, but you think you are a female, then you have a Mental Health issue.

  • If you think being a man is all about jerking off and being angry you actually need a shrink.

    • Well that's how testosterone made me feel lol

    • Yes and that’s why you need therapy cause you are the problem its not testosterone. Men naturally release testosterone and are able to maintain their anger and their need to “jerk off”.

    • I'd rather take estrogen so I can be soft and smooth and I love the little breasts I've grown from taking estrogen 🥰

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  • Great hate speech against males 👏 👏

    If you are horny all day and you keep jerking off it simply means you are a person who sits on his ass all day and does not do anything productive.

    If you had been doing something useful and productive with your time rather than being lame and sitting on your ass all day, I don’t think you’d be watching porn and jerking off all day

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