I like men, but I don't want one near me. Whenever I think about a penis entering me, I have a full blown panic attack. how can I stop this?

still a virgin, never had intimacy. whenever I see porn, a penis just looks like its a sword it looks painful, it looks like someone is literally stabbing you.

I love the idea of being protected but actually being intimate, emotionally and physically gives me really bad chest pain and really bad anxiety. but im not a lesbian/bi-sexual.

I like men and I can envision growing old with one and sharing a house with one but like not anywhere near me. help, please. I actually want to work through this. I think if I have sex and get it over with, ill be fine. but I would have to be extremely drunk almost blacked o ut.

But I don't want a rapey experience for both me and my boyfriend. this is really stressing me out.

Updates:
1 y
I literally had a full blown panic attack and I felt guilty because what man is going to want to deal with this. I’m in my mid 20s, I should be good to go already. It sucks. And I tried to masturabte but like my fingers pop out because it’s tight and I guess because I’m nervous too. I’m going to need to find a guy with the patience of a saint
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • I get the panic attack. But remember this, if sex was painful then people wouldn’t be doing it. People don’t hit thier finger with a hammer because it’s pleasurable. If it was there’d be a lot more videos of people doing it.
    Also the first time you have sex it may be painful just because you’ll pick someone that is just as inexperienced as you are. There’s one other reason it may hurt for you more and it’s because you have panic attacks. Feel free to PM me and perhaps I can explain a bit more.

Most Helpful Guys

  • This is better left with a psychologist or counselor, the best I can say from a layman's view is your anxiety overshadows the positives of sex, and something about sex and emotional intimacy makes you afraid of being hurt more than anything.

    Perhaps you have past trauma or have been instilled with an unknown stigma about sex and being close to men that you're not fully aware of yet, but I really couldn't say.

    Other than that: men are people and feelings and can care about women just as much as they do about men, and a lot of women are happy to spend time with men both inside and outside the bedroom. The key to achieve that is trust and mutual desire. If this is what you want deep down, then you're seriously blocked to see that and likely need a lot of time to unpack and resolve how you got here.

    Good luck, I'm truly sorry I couldn't offer better advice.

  • Well even though a lot of times the media would picture it otherwise, there should be deep feelings of love and intererest in each other before getting to the sex stage.
    So get emotionally deep with a guy, invest your time in him. Make sure he also REALLY cares about you and not just about being the first guy to take your virginity.
    Once you get to that point, just get to the point that you would trust him with your life.
    If he is worth so much trust, you will also trust him with your virginity.

    But remember the sequence...
    First comes the feelings and love and afterwards comes sex.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Same as my dildo answer. Practice everything before it's a real guy doing it to you.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 12
  • Have you tried toys? Start with a small one and gradually increase its size. It will penetrate you, but you will be the one controlling the process. In time your fear should disappear and give way to pleasure.

    And for your first experience with a man I would recommend going for a cowgirl position for the same reason - you'll be in control.

  • Penis is not a sword, in fact it much more vulnerable than vagina, heard about penile fracture? you able to watch porn, that's a good start, did you tried the for women category?

    • I have but I literally watched the POV where it seems like he’s actually inserting it into you and I had a panic attack and threw my phone

    • Panic attack and throwing your phone? sounds like an extreme reaction. You watched a POV from the female perspective? not a bad idea, but I think that you should watch the free use category, gives you a bigger picture and shows you that sex is not such a big deal. You should change your mindset, sex is often called penetration, but you should see it as connection instead. As for the update, yes you need a patient man, but you feel guilty about it and you know that sex is intimacy, so I don't think that your anti-sexual position is as bad as you think.

  • Get a penis looking dildo and try that. And use lots of lube.

  • Sex can be painful, if not done properly. I'm a virgin too but even I know that if you're with the right person, it shouldn't be painful.

  • I know that I’m just a random person but I hope you would take my advice to seriously, Don’t give up your virginity to someone who isn’t your husband, I’m a virgin and it’s frustrating and hard to find virgin women.

    There is someone out there who will be willing to wait, I have been into a lot of relationships and never had sex and it works because it always had the motive that maybe someday if that girl was great I would marry her and have the best sex in our lives.

    Don’t be scared because a real man will always look for ways to make you comfortable and happy.

  • A man who really loves you will be patient and you two can slowly figure it out together. Love is supposed to come before sex anyway. Stop overthinking

    • I really think I need to find a virgin guy

    • I wouldn’t be so strict as that. It’s more the quality of the man’s character that matters

    • If he doesn’t know what he’s missing, he can’t be that frustrated with me. It’s like never living in a mansion compared to living in a mansion and being kicked out. Being kicked out would hurt more

    • Show All
  • Sex toys, bj,

  • See a mental health counselor

    • Yup, I really need one

    • I'm glad you see that. Please be positive and start right away!

  • babe u have over thinking problem..
    there's no man want to hear that, there is no men wants to marry a girl to just live with him and become old together without pleasure... u should be a good mom and make ur own family.. time is expensive don't lost it with scaring ideas, life is just once

  • Maybe once you’re really horny you won’t think about it, try oral sex for awhile then see how you feel about it

  • I would say to buy a dildo and use it often to try and get over the Anxiety of something entering your vagina. Pardon the vulgarity, but you might even loosen yourself down there to where you're not extremely tight so it will be easier for you to have sex with an Actual Penis. The Main Key is to ease your fears. Women have babies. You should have no problems fucking a guy. The Right Man will be patient as well and start slow.

  • If a man truly loves you and you have a deep connection you will beg for his penis inside you in the end... it just takes months or even years, you are awkward around men