I love my boyfriend but I want to explore my options?

I don't want to be judged for my actions, because I don't quite understand them myself.
I've been in a 2 year healthy relationship. He's perfect; smart, hilarious, kind. We also lost our virginity to each other. Our family's are so involved with each other. It feels as if we are basically married.

I genuinely do love my boyfriend but a part of me wants to explore my options. I just moved into a new city this past year and I love it. Whenever I'm out, I get this overwhelming, inexplicable urge to hook up with other guys. It's such a strange feeling because I've never felt this before. During the moment, it feels like it'd be a blast.
I love receiving compliments and the attention other guys give me. I’m itching to talk to someone new. I feel like i'm in this 'hookup' phase, and I know I come off as the stereotypical college dude, but Im craving this so much that it kills me.

I'm 22 heading off to my last year in college. I keep feeling like I want to go out there and party and be independent and free.
I do wish our relationship had developed a fews years from now because I can see myself marrying him.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You can either have a mature conversation with him and tell him you want to see other guys and hopefully he'll understand or you can contain your urges. Ill be honest though, as a guy, as soon as my girl starts hooking up with other guys, even if she still loves me, my jealousy would make me go insane. You would have to be prepared to lose him. Also, even just suggesting this would make him wonder if you're cheating/up to something. So if you suggest it. I'd suggest following through unless he strongly pushes back. When you guys do talk, it has to be extremely mature. Make sure he is gaining something out of this too. Let him know he is free to hook up with other girls too. And most importantly, if he tells you no. If he says he wants only you and the thought of you going after other guys is too hard to bear. Then you need to make a decision. Stay with him, or leave. Are you guys at different universities? Maybe you put a time stamp on things. Say for this year in college we are free to semi-date/hook up with whomever. And on breaks and once school ends we are back to normal. Anyway just some ideas. Let me know what you think

    • I have thought about taking a breather and see how the year goes without dating him. I wouldn't cheat on him though, it would have to be either or. Yes we are from different universities! I get to see him during summer but in a couple of weeks I go back to school.

    • Yeah I hear you. So you don't want an open relationship? I guess you'll have to choose between the two. Maybe you can test the waters and ask him one day about what he thinks about when he hears long term couples taking breaks. Say that the idea is intriguing and suggest (as a possibility) what things would be like if you guys did try it.

    • I feel like an open relationship would be a disaster. I knew of a couple who did it and it sounded awful. It was very one sided. I would rather move on and be independent and free rather than worry about hurting him even more!! Or of course I could stay with him. I just feel so young to be committed.

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  • Then you don't Fucking love him! UNDERSTAND? You just DON'T!

    Holy crap on the table! I don't understand how girls think! I don't understand!.

    See, if I love a woman! If I love a girl. Who "just accepts me" I don't want her to love me OK.
    Then all the females in my eyes are no longer females.

    Because it is about feeling fulfilled. What you are saying girl. Indicates you are not fulfilled! Maybe you are deluding yourself that you love him for the sake of your families. Or that he is kind. Etc. And you lost your virginities together.

    But you wouldn't think about jumping with other guys, if you truly love him.

    Let me ask you this. How would you feel if you found him hooking up with girls?

    I deeply want to know the answer. Cause this will help me understand girls.

    • I don't quit understand why I don't feel fulfilled. I feel like I have met the right person at the wrong time. I feel so young and it freaks me out knowing that he could end up being the ONLY guy I have ever been with. I have this urge to see what is out there. Moving to another city really changed my perspective on things as well. To answer your question; I know I would be hurt. I would feel like I wasn't good enough, but honestly I think it would be easy for me to move on since Im in this state of mind.

    • Well then it is so obvious. You don't love him. And I side with you, in exploring your only one life. I guess you are pretty and confident in being accepted by other guys. But beware that "your conscience is first priority" . If he loved you heartily. And you broke him. And you didn't find love. You will hurt your conscience. And if you didn't love him and forced yourself along the way. Your life will be a disaster I know what it's like to feel "you haven't explored options". Feeling sorry about wasting life and young age. That's how I feel about my field of study. And my single lifestyle. But I will not force myself with a girl I think I am wasting my valuable life with her. Be upfront with him. And again you don't "Love him" maybe you like him, or brotherly love, yes. Good luck

Most Helpful Girls

  • You should have a healthy conversation with him. There's nothing wrong with what you are going through. You are going to feel a lot of pressure from your family, but you come first. You should talk to him about this. See how you feel and tell him you might need a break. I think we (because I'm 20 and we seem to be close in age) are way too young to commit for life and not feel like we are being left out on other experiences. Maybe take like a sabatical from your relationship, or half a year and see if you are both still single after and get back together. Just don't cheat on him, because if you ignore these urges, you might end up doing something that will be unfair and hurt you both, but mostly him.

  • I can connect with u so much right now... Im 21... And in my last year as well.. I have had the same feeling a year ago... I was in a 6 yr relation with a guy i genuinely loved.. But then i broke up... i guess its the age...
    But then i just wanted to live my life the way i wanted... I wanted to "explore" ... chill.. Be free... At that time i felt breaking up was best for me.. It may sound selfish but thats what i did..
    And to be honest.. its just a age thing.. U then encounter bad guys... Meanest men in ur life.. N then miss ur past... N miss the best man u had...

    • Im so glad we can relate, and Im glad you shared your story. I do believe the timing is off. I feel like I have met the right person at the wrong time. I don't want to be committed right now. I genuinely do care for him but I feel so young to not have explored my options. It freaks me out thinking that he could be the ONLY person I have ever been with. I have always been a curious and spontaneous person. I know a lot of friends who have happy simple lives, but I get too bored. It's really not him, its me just having strong temptations.

    • Its okay dear.. Take a deep breath.. Its fine.. These feelings are a part of life.. Talk with him if its bothering you... N if talking doesn't seem to be a good option... Do what you think is best for u... But just be prepared for the consequences.. Ur decisions might hurt u later... Be strong and smile.. 😊

  • What seems new and exciting now will lead to your relationship failing. I get the strong impression you are just looking for validation and approval here to carry out your "explorations". I think you will go for it, regardless of our advice and regardless of what your boyfriend says.

    You can see yourself marrying him? Go the way your are considering, and I cannot see HIM wanting to marry YOU!

    • You are partially correct. I love when attractive guys hit on me. I have gotten lots of attention from many guys and to be honest It really does make me feel good. I moved from a very small hispanic town to a college town who the majority are white. It is very different to me, and I enjoy it. But I am taking every advice into consideration, and I want to see if I can relate to anyone else. I would not cheat on him. It would have to be either or.

    • Thank you for MHO.

  • It's natural to feel the need to discover what's out there, and to experience different things. Just talk to him about it. Tell him you want to explore your sexuality, and that you love him and don't want this to affect your relationship. Just have an honest, mature conversation.

    • Sorry, this approach just will not work. It can do nothing but destroy the relationship.

    • It won't destroy the relationship if it's strong enough, which theirs seems to be. Communication usually works in relationships.

    • Not many guys would hang around waiting for a girl to explore her sexuality, and possibly shag with other guys. Yes, communication is so important, but what guy is going to accept, "I love you, but I am going to date other guys and maybe sleep with them". Anyone that thinks this will work is living in cloud cuckoo land!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The human mind naturally desires to discover and learn, and an easy way for us to do that is through interacting with others!

  • Tell him just that and let him go. Your being upfront and honest. As long as you don't expect him to wait around or be there after done.

  • Then talk to your boyfriend, it's that simple.

  • Talk to him about it, be open, but if you truly wish to be with him, control your self and thoughts, if the urge is too strong and you start hooking up with other men, just be prepared to losing him, it comes down to what you want, never upset others for your happiness, after all its your life your choice, just upset him

  • Ask your boyfriend whether he's a cuckold. If he's not then break up and slut around. If he is, then good for you.

  • that is kinda sucks. what will happend is this: u will fuck other guys, u will lose him. and u will understand that it wasn't worth it. but yes, u have to do that mistakes. it is our nature to explore.. but yes, u have to be prepered to love a great love for that.

  • Honesty is the best policy, but be prepared to loose him.

  • Just ask yourself this, are YOU ok with your boyfriend sleeping around with various women?

    You pretty much have 2 choices either don't do it and save yourself the heartache, or do it but don't be shocked if your boyfriend starts sleeping around or dumps you outright as a result. Well what's it gonna be?

    • Actually wait there is a 3rd option, see how cool your boyfriend is with swinging, maybe that will work.

    • To be fair, I never said I was going to go behind his back and cheat on him. It's either I stay with him or move on and be independent and go with my temptations.

    • So let me get this straight... you're seriously considering Breaking what from what i can tell a good open relationship, just to satisfy your own curiosity? You got something really good why get rid of it?

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  • Do what your heart wants

  • You'll lose him.

  • Propose a threeway.

    • No way! I feel like that would only make our relationship worse.

    • Possibly but it may allow you to get this urge to hookup with someone else out of the way but in a way that doesn't count as cheating. Unless your both shy people and there's no way in hell hed go for it.

  • People like this aren't really "in love"
    They're just in love with the idea of someone waiting for them at home while they slut around elsewhere

  • This is why I don't like dating virgins or girls who have never had a relationship, because they will get that urge to fuck other guys, and will eventually cheat.

    • Actually, its been opposite with my friends. I have two friends who lost it to their boyfriend and that's one of the biggest reasons why they wouldn't want to break it off with them. I tend to get the urge to explore but I have always been a very curious and spontaneous girl. That's with everything.

  • Or... don't break up. Try getting a hall pass. A hall pass allows you to have a limited time open relationship. This means that you will be allowed to hook up with whomever you want and save with your man, but for an agreed upon amount of time.

    However... if I were you... I wouldn't hook up. I was the same as you. Started doing a couple of hook ups, and now I have herpes (Yes, I wore a condom) Wasn't worth it, and I wish I could go back and change things.

    • Omg Im so sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing your story with me.