Sexual Relationships
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I'm a pregnant, my boyfriend want me to get an abortion but I don't want to. So now he is thinking about leaving me. What do I do?

Me (19) and my boyfriend (22) have been together for 4months and sexually active basically the whole time. I found out I was 6weeks pregnant and he was ok, until the next day when he lost his job. Now he keeps asking me to get an abortion. I told him no and he got mad and said that I care about the 'bundle of nerves' more then him. I told him I cared about him more but I believed that we should take responsibility for our actions. Then he asked how I would feel if he bailed on me and the baby. I told him it would hurt me a lot and I will be upset but if he can't handle the baby then leave. He never left. He said lets just enjoy tonight. When I asked what he meant he didn't answer. Its has been over a week and he is being distant. He hasn't told me if he is staying or not and when I ask he says he is still thinking about it. I asked if he wanted to go to my ultrasound appointment next week and he said he didn't know but wouldn't clarify. I don't know if he is going to leave me or not and I have no idea what is going through his head. What do I do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Gah! I'm going to skip past the lectures... Hindsight is always 20/20 vision.
    This said, it's my opinion your choice to keep the baby is indeed taking responsibility for your actions... Not to mention most women I have talked to said they felt horrible about it after... And many have a hard time carrying their next pregnancy full term and face multable miscarages... Abortion is not a natural process and can cause irreversible damage.
    Your boyfriend sounds a bit selfish and immature, not to judge him, but if he loved you he wouldn't be asking you to abort making a choice between him and his spawn growing inside of you.
    Any who... Having a kid or kids at any age is not easy... You just have to do your best and put their needs above your own to make sure they have what they need.
    As far as jerk turd goes, he needs to get on board or step off... whether he likes it or not, he is entering in a new phase of his life... He can pay child support or be a deadbeat... Or he can give this relationship a shot and help you raise this child like a loving father... But right now you just need to find your happy sweet spot preparing your way for your baby, you don't need any bullshit from non-supporters of you... End of story!

  • Well you'll get a lot of perspectives from a lot of backgrounds. I'm an atheist and I believe that what makes you a person is the combination of all conscious experiences and it takes time even a few months after birth to really amass any meaningful consciousness. That said I don't think you should kill anything if it's not necessary so I don't approve of abortion unless it's necessary or unavoidable.

    That all said if you want to keep it keep it and just get child support from him if he won't stay. Also consider adoption though as an option. It sounds like he's mixed between punishing you for not listening to him, getting some unprotected risk free sex from you and being a responsible adult. I personally think you should dump him and handle it yourself since he doesn't sound like he's mature enough for this but you know more about whats going on.

    My honest advice is to go through with the pregnancy, have the child adopted, and learn from this experience. It will be tough (sorry I have no perspective) but the things you learn will ultimately help you and you won't stress yourself with raising a child or burden that child's development with the limitations of your age.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I'm gonna say something that might be a really unpopular opinion, but I really think you need to respect his wishes if he doesn't want kids. BEFORE PEOPLE RAGE IT AT ME, I do NOT mean that you should just abort because he tells you to, but only that you should consider how he feels too.
    Keep in mind that he just lost his job, and he's probably feeling like this kid could easily ruin both your lives. Babies are expensive, and without having steady jobs, you really should not commit to raising one.

    I'd also like to point out that giving birth to a baby you can't take care of properly is not 'taking responsibility for your actions'. It's actually quite the opposite. If you were being responsible in the first place, you wouldn't be pregnant, but that's in the past. Now you have to do what's best for all three of you.

    • You are absolutely right. Just as the mother should have a choice yo have a baby or not the father should too. Not only financial stability but emotional one is also important and she should not impose this on him. It's an unfortunate situation but she needs to accept it

    • @Elena_the_Star Exactly, I'm glad someone else sees it that way too. If she's happy raising a baby alone, WITHOUT forcing the father to pay child support, that's fine. But if she requires help to raise it, then she shouldn't have it.

  • What's done is done. With pregnancy there are a few options:
    ~have an abortion
    ~continue with the pregnancy and keep the baby
    ~continue with the pregnancy and give it up for adoption
    These are things you will want to talk over with your boyfriend, and I think you should have this conversation with a relationship therapist. The therapist will help you actually tackle the question instead of just fighting. Also, the therapist can help you rebuild your relationship.

  • First I've got to say why aren't people using protection? Listen, it's you choice, so do you have family to support you? Do you have a job? Are you willing to go full term and give the child up for adoption? If you have an abortion are you going to use protection so you don't get pregnant again? If not this will occur again. And honestly even if you have an abortion he will dip, they always do after pregnancy scares.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 9

  • I would prepare for the future now and eventually give him an ultimatum. I would give him a bit more time to process what's going on. Focus on you and your baby though.

  • Keep the baby and ditch the guy... and next time, keep your legs closed for awhile until you are sure the guy is not a douchebag.

    True story: In 1992, my girlfriend dumped me, but we were still friendly for awhile even though I was still madly in love with her and she knew it but was with someone else. She was a virgin (at least she was with me), but she told me after we broke up that she'd ask BFs or potential BFs "What would you do if I became pregnant?" I asked "How come you never asked me that?" She replied "Because I always knew what the answer was." meaning that she knew I loved her, would support her, and be a good father (and maybe husband). It was the best compliment that I ever got. She should have married me. 24 years later, we both have no kids.

    Anyway, you should ask the same question to your suitors and they better answer like my exGF knew I would. You deserve a better class of man, but that starts by respecting yourself and your body.

  • Your boyfriend sounds like a dick, no offensive. If he isn't willing to take responsibility for his actions then he should not be mating in the first place. That and he is a loser for not putting a ring on your finger yet.

    Whatever decision you make, you should disregard him because he is a loser to begin with. I'd strongly recommend keeping the child because it should not have to suffer for the actions of its parents. My mom had me at 15 and made it work; certainly you can do the same.

    If I got a woman pregnant, I'd ask her to marry me for the sake of the child. If she did not want to and did not want the child, then I would beg her on my knees to deliver the child for me so that I could take care of it as a single father. In return I would exempt her from child support.

    • You sound like a really good guy👌👍

  • He's probably going to leave you if you don't have an abortion, but if you've got a job to support the kid, it'll be alright.

  • He's thinking he's feeling trapped. This is the downside to having the woman responsible for BC.

    You both need counseling. You need to reassure him you love him if you want him to stay. This is a horrible way to cement a relationship.

  • Getting an abortion is less about whether or not you should be held responsible for your actions and more about whether or not you are ready.
    Its a really tough decision but you need to look hard at your life and ask yourself if you are really ready. Do you have enough money to keep a baby and yourself steady? Do you have the time? Or the energy? I don't know what your boyfriend will do but you need to be ready for the possibility of raising a child on your own.
    Then there's the issue of what you want to do, if you have a baby then you have to accept that that's putting your life on hold for 18 years.
    That having been said, this is ultimately and should be your and your boyfriend's decision. Even if you're set on having the baby you should take his views into consideration because this is a decision that will effect him as well, and its as much your kid as his.

  • Don't abort your baby. Let your baby see life! He never really loved you. He just wanted sex out of you.

  • I don't really know what "take responsibility" means. You can abort if you want to. Or you can carry to term if you want to. It's up to you.

  • Abort that shit. Who wants a kid?

  • Here's what you do. Tell his ass since he can't make up his mind, you've made the decision for him. Tell him to get his shit and leave. Tell him you're not playing mind games with him anymore. Don't let him control your emotions like that. And I'm glad that you stood your ground on your decision to keep the baby. Anyways, kick him out. Or simply gather his shit for him. Tell him his child support papers will be served in about 7 months. He'll get to acting right.

  • Okay. Were you a friend of mine I would probably advocate for abortion because raising a child isn't easy. But this is your choice. And your choice alone.

    Whilst we might condemn him for leaving, that is also his choice and he has a right to do it.

    I hope things work out for the two of you, regardless of how things play out.

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > I'm a pregnant, my boyfriend want me to get an abortion but I don't want to. So now he is thinking about leaving me. What do I do?