Guys, I'm biologically female who only likes men, but I can only get aroused when I imagine having sex as a male. What do guys think about this?

[Anonymous]

It just never works when I picture myself having sex as a female. I don't get turned on; the opposite happens. It totally grosses me out. No one taught me to be this way; it just is. If you don't believe me or are averse to the idea, no need to insult me. I'm looking for honest and constructive opinions or feedback that will help me. Needless to say, I've been very confused about this… "tendency" myself. A therapist only even recently pointed out that I do this (as I wasn't even aware of doing it, and always chalked it up to me being asexual, but it turns out that isn't the case at all) and suggested that perhaps I am transmasculine, and while I do relate much better to males than females for most things, I have no desire to transition physically (surgery or meds, etc. is an absolute no-no). (I'm kinda okay, uhm… "accepting"? of my biological gender, but deep down, I realised that I've always kind of envied boys and often just feel more at home around them.) I know this "projecting as a male" to feel sexually liberated (or at least, that's what I call it for now) can be attributed to a hundred things (but it's not like I got the idea from anyone else, it just happened naturally since I was very young‚ and I am old - generation x), but I was just wondering what boys think about girls who have this… err, frame of mind? I haven't really come out to anyone about this since it's very personal. I'm the type of person who doesn't like attention and would rather be invisible, as much as possible. Thank you in advance for any help, honest opinion, and for being respectful all around.

[caring__1]

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for therapists to plant seeds we never previously even considered. Gender issues can be complicated. Most people don't have a clear understanding of what it feels like to be the gender they are and don't even concern themselves with what it feels like to be that gender. Since we don't generally identify what it means to be the gender we are, it can be hard for people to understand when others insist they know what it feels like to be the opposite gender.

You say this has nothing to do with traits that are commonly associated with males (ie aggression, power and control), but you just picture yourself with male genitalia. Sometimes this can grow from early experiences of negative comments about female genitalia. I've heard women say they were taught from an early age that they were dirty, ugly and smelly, but, when they get married, it will be a beautiful gift to give to their husband. On their wedding night they looked at themselves and realized they didn't change. They confronted their parents who said "We did what we had to do... you didn't get pregnant... if you have a hangup, that's your problem to fix." People are often very inconsiderate of others, only thinking about what's in their best interest. You may have received subtle (or not so subtle) messages from an early age (that you may not even remember), implying male genitalia were more attractive or valued than female genitalia. It's hard to overcome early indoctrination, even when that indoctrination makes no sense.

Another related issue is male figures often pull away from girls when they start to develop, fearful others will negatively judge them for wrestling or hugging girls who now have breasts. Not wanting to be inappropriate, they stop the interactions the girls have enjoyed all their life. Girls then feel they are being punished for having breasts and often do their best to conceal their breasts and do more "boy" behaviors, hoping they can reconnect with their loved male figures.

Your body parts are just as attractive and valued as male body parts. You just have never taken the time to explore and discover their beauty and value. What do you believe you can do or experience with male body parts that is more significant than what you can do with female body parts? You may just be jealous that male parts can be seen and actively manipulated, whereas female body parts can be seen as primarily hidden and unknown, or don't like having to deal with periods every month. Relabel your clit as a beautiful and fully functional body part rather than just a tiny insignificant penis. It's not what we have but how we use what we have that leads to meaningful encounters. Learning to make the most of what you have is more likely to lead to satisfaction than fantasizing about being different.

You say you don't like attention, and that is common for an introvert, but you do like men. Do you get attention you appreciate from your partner, or do you just view your encounters as vicariously living through him? Hopefully, you have a caring, sensitive partner who shows you how much he appreciates you, just like you may be showing him how much you appreciate him. Healthy relationships are more about the connection than the performance. Find what really works for you, and then enjoy your experiences.

[Asker]

Hey, thanks for that. Yes, all your points are perfectly valid and I agree. See, the thing is this (and this might surprise you): I am actually a very well-treated female. People around me shower me constantly with praise (more than I feel I deserve sometimes, but hey, it's their opinions and I'm not one to want to control or change that; I respect and appreciate honesty above all). OK, full disclosure, I don't think I am all that pretty and sexy, but I actually get called pretty, sexy, hot, intelligent, etc. A LOT. So much so that it makes me want to hide because I am not very good with compliments (as I've said, I don't like attention all that much, positive or negative, haha). I'm a geek, and yes, a total introvert, and I prefer to keep to myself. However, my job—or jobs—require that I mingle a lot and meet a lot of people and work with them. I've got many advances and offers from both male and female (more of males) all throughout my life—more than I know what to do with (both from single and committed people, ugh). I turned them all down nicely. I've had a boyfriend or two, and it was a wonderful experience, but this is where it all becomes problematic. As I explained in one of my replies above: I FEEL GUILTY BEING IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP AS A GIRL. And no, it's not because I feel ugly as a girl, in fact, I like how I look as a girl—not saying I'm the prettiest, I just like how I look because it fits who I am (and I am no supermodel nor celebrity, I'm just a geeky, somewhat athletic and boyish girl).

[Asker]

(PART 2) What about being a male makes me feel freer? HELL, EVERYTHING! I don't like breasts. I HATE HAVING BREASTS TOUCHED SEXUALLY. I even hate having to soap and scrub my own breasts when I bathe. It's not a conscious choice to feel this way, it's visceral. I don't even remember I feel this until I touch myself to wash, and I get this jolting feeling of revulsion. Not saying the male body is perfect; not saying the female body is any less (though I really do not like female bits). Thing is, I wouldn't mind keeping my female body during the sexual act, IF ONLY MY PARTNER WOULD TREAT ME LIKE IT WAS A MALE BODY. Okay, I know that sounds ridiculous. I don't know how else to put it, maybe I am phrasing it wrong or something, but like I said, my sexual experiences with my boyfriends only went as far as kissing, hugging, holding hands and as much as I was really attracted to them, when I remember I am a female and being touched as one, I feel nauseous and I want to run FAR FAR FAR AWAY. Again, visceral reaction; not a conscious decision.

[Asker]

(PART 3) Like I mentioned, I've always thought this was due to me being asexual. But weirdly, I am a very sexual person. I just cannot for the life of me be present as a female in the sexual act. I realised the only way I feel free to enjoy sex is if I imagine I am a boy. I still touch myself, and NSFW: I ENJOY TOUCHING MYSELF A LOT, but only when I forget it's my clit I am touching and imagine it's a penis, and forget it's nipples of my breasts I'm tweaking but imagine it's a male chest. I don't mind being penetrated (though I never have been by any partner because as I mentioned I am a virgin), but I do use toys, and even when I fuck myself, I picture it's a male's ass. THERE. I said it. This is the first time I have went and confessed all the sordid details of this. I feel really tiny and embarrassed right now, but yeah. That's the truth. I wish I understood this better myself. Maybe you're right and this stems from some inner self loathing or something, but if it is, I don't know where it comes from and I have thought about this from all angles, so many times, that it makes my head hurt. I just posted this because I wanted to know what a guy would think if they met a girl they liked who happened to have this… I dunno, weird kink? Fetish? Tendency? Whatever this is. But I feel sad sometimes because I am sooooo sooooo very in love, but I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to approach a guy a like because I feel like a freak. I want to be loved and to love someone so much, but I feel like if I have to be intimately romantically involved with someone as a female, that overpowering guilt will hang over my head, and I can't. I can't do it. And I have tried. Anyway, thank you for your insightful reply. I appreciate it and it definitely will be food for thought. Perhaps I need to do more introspection, or maybe I should just forget about love in real life altogether. Heh. :')

[Asker]

(Oh, and that "smelly" bit really caught me off-guard, it made me laugh. But for the record, I have actually been told many times that I smell really good, haha. I also know I smell good, in fact, I love how I smell, so… I'm pretty fastidious when it comes to personal hygiene so… yup. I've definitely never been called smelly. :) The exact opposite, yes.)

[caring__1]

Pretty and sexy is in the eyes of the beholder. What one person sees as amazing, another might see as repulsive. Let me help you understand how you see yourself. The one place the average adolescent spends the most time and energy focusing on learning is in front of a mirror. All they notice is what is different from yesterday. Everything else disappears. For instance, let’s say a family friend who hasn’t seen you in years comes to visit. The first thing that person will probably say is “You’ve grown so much.” You’ll look at yourself with confusion and say “No, I’m just as big as I was yesterday.” The most common time to notice growth is when we prepare to return to school in the fall. We try on our pants and ask who shrunk our pants. Back to the mirror… You see a pimple on your nose and think that when you go to school, everyone will be staring at your pimple. You’re not realizing you’re going to school with a lot of other adolescents who feel the same way. How often did you stare at an individual to identify all their flaws and discrepancies? Never… we look at people and see the entire package, not bits and pieces. People who are drawn to you are drawn to your entire package, both inside and outside. Somehow, that package is meaningful to them. By not allowing them to enjoy the value they see in you, you’re limiting their ability to enjoy you. For every type of person, there are people who appreciate that type of person. You’ll be more satisfied if you make the most of what actually exists rather than attempt or fantasize to be something different. Your relationship stability and satisfaction will be greater, also, than giving people a bait and switch, where you imply you are something different from the person you actually are. People tend to get bitter and resentful when they believe they were hooked through deception.

[caring__1]

When we stick to vague generalities, it becomes challenging to move forward, so rather than say “EVERYTHING” be specific. Identify what you hate about your breasts. In reality, the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s apathy or indifference. When we say hate, we generally care but find our expectations aren’t being met. That frustration is projected out as hatred. How would you like your breasts to feel? Is it the actual sensation, or is it a mental revulsion based on meaning you attach to them? What don’t you like about female “bits?” What changes in them would make them worthwhile? What do you see as the differences between being touched as a female and touched as a male? By gaining a clear understanding of your preferences (what they specifically look like and feel like), it becomes easier to educate potential partners, or discover if they are open to it before they become partners. Always be clear as to what you believe you’ll be adding to your partner’s like, also. Don’t just focus on what you want to receive. What adds meaning to a healthy relationship is based more on what we believe we bring to the relationship than any entitlement to receive from the relationship. What do you value about being in a relationship? What needs can be met within a relationship that can’t be met on your own? You talk about feeling nauseous. That is generally a conditioned response. It’s like people who are afraid to fly. The feeling they have is real, but therapy can help minimize that visceral reaction. The less negativity in a relationship, the more enjoyable the relationship tends to be. Find ways to reduce or eliminate your negative reactions. Let’s say you offer to give your partner oral sex, yet, when he comes, you overreact. A caring partner will be highly unlikely to be open to you giving oral sex again, so the relationship opportunities have been limited.

[caring__1]

Labels only limit our opportunities. By putting a label on yourself, you feel you must conform to all aspects of that label, limiting yourself from seeing and enjoying other dimensions that might be outside that label. We are all just a combination of unlimited options and dimensions. See yourself as a unique person with special assets to share, and both you and your partner will enjoy whatever is shared together. I always smile to myself when I hear of women pampering male breasts and expecting the guys to experience the same sensations they feel. This is rarely true. Stimulating a man’s nipple doesn’t generally trigger a sensation in his crotch. It isn’t even necessarily arousing… though it can be done in an arousing way. So, it’s not that you are feeling like a man would feel when you tweak your nipples; it’s that you drop your wall and experience what a woman feels, though you relabel and experience it as a man’s sensation. You see, your reality is based on your perception. What you perceive is real to you. You talk about being penetrated as a male. What do you believe that would look and feel like? Maybe a good introduction to intercourse for you might be anal penetration. You could enjoy it as a man might enjoy it (though it’s a different G-spot). Once you feel comfortable with anal penetration), you might find it easier to explore vaginal penetration. Make sure any moves forward are extremely slow. Never move to the next step (or even feel there needs to be a next step), till you are fully aroused and satisfied with what you are already doing and truly are curious and desirous to experience something new. If you’re not ready for it, don’t push yourself significantly beyond your comfort zone.

[caring__1]

You say you don’t know where your feelings come from. A qualified sex therapist can help you to explore and discover at your pace. Just make sure whoever you see isn’t pushing any personal agenda onto you. A sex therapist who is also trained as a trauma therapist can be even better, as all options can be explored and treated. You say you are so in love. Make sure you have a clear understanding of what that means and how it impacts you and your partner. As I’ve said, sharing the reality of the situation before investment is ideal, as you’ll know this is something both of you are desirous of. Don’t be like the transgender person who just wants to be seen as the new gender without ever letting the partner know the truth. Deception will destroy any relationship. You’re not a freak. You’re a unique individual. Just because you may be different, that doesn’t mean you are less capable of being an amazing partner. It’s important for us to learn to love ourself before we can truly love another. You talk about your challenge being “intimately romantically involved with someone as a female.” Between quality partners, there is no difference between being intimately romantically involved with someone as a female or as a male. It’s about creating and nurturing a special connection, not about all the self-imposed limitations you are placing on it. The key is to expand your perspective to discover dimensions you never knew existed, yet stop putting any labels on those dimensions, as they’ll only add complications and hold you back. It’s not about forgetting about love in real life; it’s about redefining it to fit the person you are and will grow to become.

[caring__1]

Loving how you smell is a positive step. That’s showing you see some value in the person you are. Enjoy what you have to offer a partner, and allow your partner to enjoy what you are offering.

[Asker]

Funny you should mention mirrors. I am not fond of mirrors. I have never been. I avoid mirrors as much as I can. To me, they are not that important. Because you know what? I actually don't really care much for how I look, nor how other people look. I am more of an inward person. I care more about personality and the "aura" and "vibration" of a person, than I ever will about their appearance. So I have never really cared that much about my own appearance. I only use mirrors to make sure that I am presentable in the most basic sense. I am a wash and wear girl and I wear boyish clothes not to project an image of masculinity; it's just more comfortable! Haha. I know what you mean. But this isn't something I fabricated to get attention, this isn't an attempt at kinkiness or something my mind made up because it is bored. I am the most low-key person you could ever meet. If I could erase this, I WOULD. This is not a choice. This is something I have always felt even before I knew what it was called (I was 14 when I first had a boyfriend, and even then I really liked the guy and we were great and it was all good, but there was something stopping me from being completely comfortable in my own skin). I have tried to ignore this for more than 40 years. I have loved people and wanted to be loved back IGNORING THIS PART THAT YOU SAY I AM "ATTEMPTING" TO DO OR BE. See, I don't want this, okay? You don't know how much I wished I wasn't like this. So, I understand what you're saying. But it isn't THAT.

[Asker]

The thing is, I have lived 45 years of my life forcing myself to enjoy being a female. Telling myself I LIKE BEING FEMALE. Forcing myself to do as females do because isn't that what appreciating femininity is about? I have LIVED what you are saying about appreciating myself as a female and my female bits and all. Do you know what it feels like? To like a guy and making myself as "pretty" as possible thinking it's the best way to get him to like me back – and it usually works so well too, so that's what I've always taught myself to do, and I did enjoy it… UNTIL I REALISED I DON'T. Because it goes against everything I am and want to be. I just want to be me. And me, is not your typical prettified, dolled up female. I HATE THAT. The relationships I enjoy the most was when I in the company of boys and they treated me as one of the boys, no prettying up, no acting coquettish, no trying to be "girly" and flaunting being a girl and all because I could very well do that. I am very shapely (which I do not like), why? Because it practically dictates how men, women, the whole world will treat me. LIKE A SEXY FEMALE (objectively speaking, because subjectively, I wouldn't really label myself sexy; I am just quoting what they say about me).

[Asker]

All these things I have mentioned are not a product of conditioning, or mood swings, or trends, etc. Heck, I don't care about any of that (I don't even do social media, I hate selfies, I don't like socialising for the sake of socialising). This is something I have tried to ignore and fight all my life for the sake of—as you say: being at peace with what I was born with and what I have—but the sad truth of life that many people deny is: THAT ISN'T ALWAYS EASY. Some people just can't be told to conform because they have no other choice (which is what I have been telling myself all my life, by the way). I don't want attention, controversy, or whatnot. I just want to be accepted for who I am, and I am not even demanding that of the world. I was just wondering if there is a possibility of having a love with a guy who will understand this… freakishness or complexity or kink or whatever it is called of mine. That's all. So, I do appreciate everything you have said because it's beautiful, and it's true. Unfortunately, accepting myself as a female and being happily in love and COMFORTABLE and CONFIDENT in my own female body in love with a guy in a romantic relationship is not something I can force on myself, and yes, that is what I have spent the last 40 or so years of my life trying to do, so I would know.

[Asker]

I know how to pleasure myself. I know my body. But the issue isn't about sensation or what kind of pleasure I want to achieve, no. This is is about me, feeling free and comfortable about the whole idea of sex. I am not choosing to imagine myself or "relabel" my sexual experiences from a male perspective just because I think it is more pleasurable to have sex as a male, HECK NO. I am not saying I know what that feels, because clearly, I am not biologically male and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS. I do this to feel able. Because as I explained, from past relationships, no matter how much I wanted to feel this freedom and being comfortable in the more physical and sexual aspects of the relationship there is something in me that makes it A NIGHTMARE. It isn't the fault of my partners, they were fantastic! They were a dream. I truly liked them and they truly liked me; they did not know I felt these things, heck, back then I did not understand these feelings either. But I couldn't deny it forever. I just happened to close my eyes one day and enjoy touching myself for the first time when I imagined I did not have a female body, but a male's. It's that simple. There is no underlying agenda or deeper meaning to it. It's just how I coped. It just happens to be what works. I am not saying I am an expert at male nipple sensitivity or penile sensitivity or anal, etc. (Though I have done a lot of research about it, not just online but asking around among friends too, because of course, I had to eventually. I am always curious.) MY COMFORT ZONE WHEN IT COMES TO INTIMACY WITH A MAN, IS IMAGINING I AM NOT A WOMAN. That. Is my comfort zone.

[Asker]

Thank you for the kind words. Though, I have to make something clear: I do value myself as a person; I do like myself as a person. I have enough confidence as who I am to get me by, which is why I was able to navigate life as much as possible to my choosing, and I am very happy with my choices. But that's why it's so strange. I have no reason to hate being female, because I have enjoyed it for all its worth (well, clearly not sex because as mentioned, I do not even enjoy being touched as a female, it makes me jump – visceral, not conscious; it is just gross to me. I do not know why, but it isn't because I do not like ME). I can milk being a female, you are right. I can continue to use it to my advantage, so why can't I? Because that is not what I want, it is not who I am. I only lived that way all these years because that's what society has programmed females to do, and as a female, I thought that was my right and privilege so I did. But then that all stops at INTIMACY. There is a big barrier there that stops me. The barrier I mentioned that I have tried to ignore and deny. As much as I wish it were as simple as you say: that I should just learn to like and love and enjoy intimacy as a female, sadly… it isn't. I don't know why, but thanks again. I'll do my best to figure this out somehow. Your input is much appreciated.

[caring__1]

It’s actually healthier to view ourselves more as a whole (body & soul) rather than focus in on specific body parts. We want to see and understand the value we bring to a relationship, and thinking that body parts are enough to carry a relationship will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Wearing what is comfortable for you rather than what is promoted by big business to make big business richer is also a positive quality. We want to be comfortable in our own skin, yet society promotes conformity to an ideal, leading most people to feel flawed and inadequate. You’ll be happier if you stay true to yourself. I also wear clothing that is comfortable and/or functional, and I shy away from “stylish” clothing. I don’t dress to impress. I don’t see what’s happening to you as a choice, in order to get attention, or a desire to press your limits in regard to kinkiness, but I do realize that we all have the ability to grow. Only when we’re open to experiencing other alternatives can we truly grow. I know your choices work for you and make sense to you, and there is no reason for you to change your preferences to fit the expectations and desires of others. I just don’t want you to limit yourself in any way due to the structure of the label you put on yourself. Everyone has both male and female characteristics. It’s just important for us to find the blend that works best for us without limiting ourselves to specific roles.

[caring__1]

Love impacts all genders in similar ways. The physical and emotional affects are similar. The key difference between the genders tends to be biological and related to the survival of the species. That difference tends to be males diversify the species, whereas females protect the offspring. If a guy hasn’t established an emotional connection prior to penetration, though he won’t generally have any problem getting aroused and ejaculating, once he has his orgasm, the strongest feeling within him is to get away and separate himself from the woman. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to bond with men upon penetration, as a potential life could be forming within her that needs both parents to thrive.

[caring__1]

I have found that people generally don’t attempt to be female or male. They are just themselves… a blend of unlimited factors. When people work hard to fit a stereotypical mold, it’s generally when they have gender confusion. Many years ago, I worked in an adolescent placement. Sometimes, these girls would swear up and down they were straight, yet the next week they’d swear up and down they were gay. They never viewed themselves as bisexual (as they felt a need to have a strong, clear view of themselves), yet they were probably closer to asexual, as it had more to do with needing to feel connected than any sexual release. Never force yourself to enjoy what doesn’t work for you. Yes, we can experiment around the edges to see if we find certain things attractive that we didn’t previously see as attractive. For example, our taste buds tend to numb over time. That is the reason tomatoes are often too strong for young kids, while easily eaten by adults. I also don’t like the typical prettifying that both males and females go through. I was actually very comfortable wearing my jeans while working the Academy Awards shows, but for my last show, they gave me a tuxedo and insisted I wear it. I couldn’t move in that straight jacket and was very happy to get out of it. I’ve never been a suit and tie guy. It’s perfectly fine to not see value in being a Barbie Doll. I’ve always found myself turned off by that phony plastic image. Masculinity and femininity are on a continuum. There’s no need to judge or minimize those who don’t choose one extreme or the other.

[caring__1]

It appears you view breasts as limiting the activities you enjoy the most. They get in the way more than add to your life. Many women with large breasts would prefer smaller breasts. It’s very much like the example I previously gave about pubescent girls feeling having breasts limited the important connections in their life, so they did their best to hide or minimize their breasts. You could get breast reduction surgery. That could firm them up and reduce the attention they get. It might also make it easier on your back and make all aspects of your life more comfortable. It sounds like you don’t want to be seen as sexy, as you associate that word with performance rather than connection. Our definitions of words can open doors for us or limit us. Be careful of the definitions you place on words.

[caring__1]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a lack of interest in social media, selfies and mindless socializing. I feel exactly the same, but it has nothing to do with gender. I live on a farm, as that’s what works best for me. I realize most women I find attractive have no desire to take on the challenges of country living, so my choice significantly limits the available pool of potential partners, yet I’ve discovered how empty life is when we live someone else’s life, just to have someone in our life. I’ll never again settle, just to be in a relationship. I see your inner conflict being that you associate your personal preferences with gender rather than just your personal preferences. You’ve just discovered what works for you, and you’ve chosen to respect that. It has nothing to do with gender. After all, do you choose to pee standing up, just because it is common for guys to pee standing up? No, you do what’s functional for you. I believe you’ll be happier and more fulfilled when you remove the label and just be yourself. You want to feel a special connection with a guy and be accepted as you are. Yes, people are quick to judge others, but that’s their problem, not yours. There are guys who would appreciate you as you are, but you’ll probably be disappointed with the results if you’re not clear from the start. Let people know what they’re choosing, and then they’ll be happier with the results. You’re not a freak, and your preferences aren’t kinks, but forcing yourself to fit expectations of others will never be satisfying to you. You have turned this into a gender issue, but it’s actually an individuality issue. I believe you’ll be much more comfortable when you start viewing yourself as a person rather than as a male or female. Stop attempting to mold yourself into what you’re not and start appreciating yourself for what you are.

[caring__1]

I think you’re still too hung up on labels. Stop categorizing everything as male or female. I appreciate your admission you don’t really know what men feel physically. For the most part, all genders experience physical arousal similarly. We can all appreciate having every inch of our body explored by a partner, though we generally have preferences we appreciate more (having nothing to do with gender). The feeling of an orgasm is the same for all genders. Here are the primary differences. Men generally prefer stroking on their penis, while women generally prefer pressure on their clit. It’s common for little girls to hump their pillows or discover the sensation of water pressure on their clits. Actually, though little boys are more likely to strut their stuff, little girls tend to focus on the arousal of masturbation more than little boys. Women tend to prefer indirect stroking, pulling on the hood of the clitoris by stroking on the sides and letting the hood stroke the clit. Direct stimulation can be painful for women, as the clit can become oversensitive. This may lead the clit to retract into the hood rather than extend beyond the hood when a woman is highly stimulated. Women are more likely to find vibrations to be stimulating than men. Men are more likely to experience vibrations as relaxing than arousing. Men go through a stage of detumescence after orgasm. This can make their penis overly sensitive and painful to touch and lead to a reduction in erection. Some time is necessary before they can continue having sex, and where they start again will be less intense than what they were feeling during their orgasm. Women are capable of having multiple orgasms. They can go from one to the next without losing any arousal or intensity. Each one can build on the last, while a guy’s orgasms are unique and unrelated to each other.

[caring__1]

I am not saying you need to learn to like and love and enjoy intimacy as a female. I’m saying you’ll probably be happier and more fulfilled if you learn to like and love and enjoy intimacy as the unique person you are. I still have difficulty comprehending what you mean by being touched as a female. When a partner gently caresses my face or arms or back, I don’t experience it as a male. I just experience and enjoy the sensation for what it is and attach no labels to it. I just see the labels as getting in the way. If we need a label, let’s learn from the Ferengi and just call ourselves HyooMahns.

[peterrezeeek]

u got my attention cuz of the respected & cute way ur asking..
in my opinion it may happen for multi reasons..
it can be cuz u didn't masturbate when u become adult in ur teenage time.. maybe u didn't explore urself, how to plesure urself, how to get orgasms..
it can happen cuz u consider urself as unattractive or u have low self confidence..
or maybe someone around u tell that regularly to u..
google and you tube is really full of free helpful information, its really another world to find everything ur looking for easily..
so i advice u to forget about asexual thoughts & bisexual or lesbian etc... of fucking stuff..
u focus on ur feminine futures, try to feel and be sub girl...
use google and always be straight.
make female friends and try to understand and explore them&urself..
dont be cheap to anyone... save urself till u get married

[peterrezeeek]

thanks for the mho

[Berethor]

Make no sense, why you imagine that you a man when you have a woman's body? it's odd.

[Asker]

If it made sense, I wouldn't be confused about it and I wouldn't be wondering about it in the first place. That's the whole idea. Also, a lot of things in this world make no sense to a lot of people. Doesn't mean it is wrong or not valid just because people don't understand it.

[Berethor]

At least it less messed up than being full on trans, but you need accept your body.

[Asker]

Yes, I have no desire to transition via surgery. I do appreciate my body to a certain degree, and I like who I am but I feel so uncomfortable as a female. When I imagine everything as a male, it becomes so much better, feels so much more natural and I am so much happier. Well, I never let being a female stand in the way of what I wanted anyway, I mean, I've always enjoyed doing boy things and hanging out with guys more. But… yes, it's the sex part that makes it complicated. I've fallen in love many times, and I've had a fair share of men like me, but that's where I get totally lost. I dunno how to tell them I want to be treated like a… well, a boy. :') Anyway, thanks for your input all the same, I appreciate it.

[Berethor]

What you mean by you want to be treated like a Boy? Ladette is not enough?

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/The_Ladette

[Asker]

Oh, I did not know about ladettes, but this is definitely interesting. Though, I can safely say that I am not at all a ladette (though, I can outdrink most everyone, even men, but do not behave at all like a frat boy, haha). Is there a variation of this trope where the girl is biologically a girl (by no choice of hers), and does not really like being a girl, does not identify as a girl, nor act girly in any way? Yet also does not act… well, exaggeratedly and comically macho-male? (Hm. Maybe I just hate girls, lol.) It's a bit hard to generalise since men act differently towards fellow men as well, it all depends upon the man and the other male party. Hmm. I mean, like, I want to be with a guy who will not remind me nor do anything to reiterate that I am female, ESPECIALLY when it comes to physical intimacy. I don't want to be kissed like a girl, I want to be kissed like a masculine gay guy would kiss his still very male gay partner; I don't want to be treated like I'm fragile and breakable china, like I'm delicate and in need of extra care (especially during physical intimacy!); I recoil at being wooed with flowers, being patronised with sweet talk; treated like I should be put on a pedestal just because I am a girl (I know many straight guys like treating their female partners this way, enjoys coddling and pampering them – I DO NOT LIKE THAT KIND OF TREATMENT. I mean I won't hate the guy who treats me like this, I'll just get turned off and will run away because it will make me feel uncomfortable). I don't want any guy around me to walk on eggshells or feel like they can't be 100% open with me because they feel like they'll be hurting my feelings (as girly girls tend to be more emotional – I am emotional, but not in that way, more of about things I'm passionate about like art).

[Asker]

I dunno, I can't describe it perfectly, but I just envy male on male relationships so much. THAT is the kind of relationship I long for. That's why when I had boyfriends before who treated me in a way that over-emphasised that I was a girl (which other girls would have loved), I lost interest so fast (even if I really did like them). (As I've mentioned in my other replies, I also have this thing about not being reminded of my female body during sex. I want a guy who will touch me like I were a guy, even if yes, I still am biologically female – as much as I want a male body, I don't want to get that via artificial means like surgery or hormone-altering meds.) Sorry if these might all sound vague, I am still figuring out how to communicate how I have always felt all my life. I have never had the need to verbalise it before, so I am still groping in the dark. But again, thanks for that information.

[Berethor]

Tropes are flexible, and you still sound pretty much like ladette to me, you want to be treated rough it seems, BDSM? or just like guy, actually some guys are into that, you can handle a manhandling, so a guy don't need to hold back with you, also who cares about flowers anyway? so a straight kissing and gay kissing is really all that different? the sex is different, but kissing? how could he not remind you of your female body during sex? the different body parts are obvious during sex. Look if you attracted to men it's good that you have a female body, because most men are straight, being queer is much more common among women.

tropedia.fandom.com/wiki/Tropes_Are_Flexible

[Asker]

I get why you would think that, but believe me, if you saw me, ladette is probably the farthest thing you would think, haha. I'm actually a pretty tame person. Quiet. Reserved. I am not loud (I hate noise), not really into crowds or parties or rowdy stuff. I don't mind it rough, but I am not craving that either. Hm, if I were to simplify it as best I can (as your question did get me thinking about it even more): Being a woman or girl or female, with female parts will always dictate how men treat me (even if you think this is not true, this is practically ingrained in males, and yes, it can be resisted, but it will probably take a lot of conscious reprogramming on the side of the male themselves), they will always see female bits and think female treatment, and making babies, and a certain brand of sexual objectification exclusive to those with female bits, and there is just this… BARRIER. I want a relationship with a guy I love to have NO SUCH BARRIERS. I want this guy to look at me, and feel me as if I were no different from him in any way. It's hard to explain. It's just something I feel so much when men look at me. Even women. There's something there that makes people treat you differently because your a female. I just don't want that. I like how the world of men are, and no, I don't necessarily mean manhandling or being roughed up, I mean, not for the sake of just that, but if a person I like is into that, I won't be averse to it either (it all depends on the reasons behind it, as long as there's sound reasoning behind it, even kinky reasoning, I can get with that, just not outright psychopathic stuff, haha). All I know is when I fall in love and when a guy falls in love with me, I FEEL THAT BARRIER. I want it gone. But that barrier is caused by my female gender. I hope that made sense somehow. Thanks so much for your input as always. It's appreciated.

[Berethor]

What the problem with making babies? so you want to be treated as totally equal?

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Babies_Ever_After

[Gent207-2]

What Are Odd Symptoms of Mental Illness? For 200 Alez

Sounds like a variant of Schizophrenia. You are not crazy, your mind (self), and brain (the organ) are out of synch with the rest of your body.

[Asker]

I checked and also been through therapists. Nope. I don't have any other disorders or mental illnesses in line with that (this is according to professionals). Except perhaps bodily dysmorphia? But that one isn't a formal diagnosis. It's just a self observation.

[Gent207-2]

Did you see a psychiatrist /neurologists that are specialists with that particular disorder?

[Asker]

Yeah, heh. I have seen more than a dozen. They say when it comes to that aspect, I am perfectly normal. That there are many people in this world who feel the same way I do, they just aren't as "seen" as the rest of the "normal" people are. I actually have no problem with this if it were only up to me. The reason I ventured to make this post is I was curious what actual men thought if they happened to, for instance, fall in love with a girl who was like me when it came to intimacy. So… hehe. Yeah. Just testing the waters. My past relationships have been wonderful, though I had them when I was very young. But in those relationships, I acted like the perfect prim and proper "girl" that I was expected to me. Still boyish and all, because I can never be girly, but we never got farther than kissing, and even that in itself made me queasy. I loved kissing, but something always felt wrong somehow… :(

[Asker]

*expected to be

[Gent207-2]

Interesting I applaud you for your courage to make this post

[AviatorTom]

Find a guy who enjoys pegging and being stroked.

[Asker]

Hi, thanks for the reply. Oh. That's actually the catch. I don't have any fantasies of dominating men or "pegging". Well, none yet, so far, haha. I don't mind having being the submissive in the relationship, but I just don't get turned on being treated as a female. Sorry if that sounds confusing. I am trying to word it without sounding offensive. Uhm, how do I say this: I just don't like being reminded that I have… err, lady bits. BIT NSFW: To be blunt, when I touch myself, I picture a penis and chest. Not female parts. If I am reminded of my female parts, I get repulsed. :( I hope that makes sense somehow.

[FrostDragone88]

So if your not into pegging, that's means during sex you only prefer anal on you?

[Asker]

@FrostDragone88 Not necessarily. Maybe if I were actually born a guy, I could confidently answer with a "yes"? I wouldn't know. But the thing is, since I am biologically female, I have never had actual sex with ANYONE. Because I am so repulsed by the idea of exposing my female body to the sexual act. Yes, I am a virgin.

[FrostDragone88]

Ah okay. Well I hope you can figure out what works for u

[Asker]

@FrostDragone88 Thanks. :')

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're overthinking this.

It's completely normal for a straight person to only be turned on by looking at the opposite gender, and to find their own gender's junk repulsive.

Its why I (or any other straight male) watches lesbian porn.

You're not supposed to focus on your own body when having sex, you're supposed to ignore it.

[Asker]

I totally get what you mean. But it's a bit more complex than that. I regret that I don't have the expertise to explain it, but, I will try to expound on why it's more a bit more complex than that. I fall in love with men ONLY: check. Not attracted at all to females, or female bodies (in fact, female bodies kinda make me wanna run away): check. Now, when I had boyfriends before, I liked them a lot but it always made me uncomfortable to a certain degree and I never understood why (but hey, I was like 14 and 15, so… there were a whole lotta things I did not understand). They were great boyfriends. But I broke up with them because of this… GUILT I could not explain. I realised only MUCH MUCH LATER, it's because I hate being treated like a girl. Sorry, weird. I know. Don't know how else to put it. I just came to this conclusion because I realised that when I project myself into a male body - a guy, and have the same relationship with a boy I like, EVERYTHING IS MAGICALLY OKAY. Fantastic even. Much like how guys like lesbian porn, I TOTALLY LOVE GAY PORN (but gay porn where guys still act like guys, not where guys act girly – though I have nothing against those, anything overtly girly just turns me the hell off). I even hate my own breasts being touched like breasts. I hate how they jiggle and bounce (I'm a 36B so, ugh). I LITERALLY WANNA HAVE A FLAT CHEST, not small tits, like I fantasise about having a male chest. But not enough to want to undergo surgery for it. I feel sad because I want to love someone and be loved romantically but as long as I am a girl and treated like one, I feel wrong about it. I apologise if this is confusing. I am confused about it myself. But that's honestly how it feels after I did much thinking and introspection about it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're still overthinking it and focusing too much on your own body.. If you want to be with a guy, he's going to want you to have boobs, vagina, and overall look like a woman, you just have to get over the fact that sexual situations are not just about pleasuring you, but also the person you are with, you are trying to view being selfish as being "trans", which is absurd. You only wajt a flat chest because you want to be turned on by yourself, which for any straight person is an unrealistic expectation. As far as being treated like a woman outside of sexually, thats not a thing, people are individuals, your personality is dependant on your hobbies, skills, and interests, not your tits and pussy.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Basically you aren't experiencing anything abnormal, you are just reacting to it in a almost extremist manner thought wise, instead of admitting that thats just how things work.

[Asker]

Have you ever been a woman? Do you know what it's like? To be looked at and always treated a *certain* way *automatically* because you are female with tits and a pussy? No, right? I get what you are saying. I know it's from a good place, and I appreciate the sentiment, I truly do. But being a woman would probably be fun and as easy as you say it should be, IF I ACTUALLY LIKED THAT. And believe me, I SPENT 40+ YEARS OF MY LIFE FORCING MYSELF TO LIKE IT. TO LIVE IT. TO ENJOY IT. And yes, haha, to FORGET MY OWN BODY. I did try, very sincerely. And it hurts, you know? When I look back and realise how much of my true self I forced myself to deny just TO FUCKING FIT IN. THE WAY SOCIETY EXPECTS ME TO. I did my due diligence and well, haha, surprise, surprise, I ended up miserable for it, but I still kept it all in. I am not doing this to be seen or to gain "world acceptance", hell, I don't even care if the world sees or accepts me. I only asked this, because I wanted to see what men would think if they happened upon—and happened to fall in love—with someone like me. That's all.

[Asker]

And as much as I wish you were right and that were true: THAT PEOPLE WILL TREAT ME ONLY DEPENDING ON MY ACTIONS, HOBBIES, SKILLS, ETC, oh boy ho-boy. That just *ADMITTING TO MYSELF THAT THAT'S HOW STUFF WORKS* (which is what the whole 40+ years of my life have been like, by the way.) You have no idea what it's like to be female and how…… imprisoning it is. To someone who doesn't like that kind of treatment. How condemning it is. How no matter what I do and how many hobbies, skills, etc. I flash the world, that part of me—being a female—still always dictates to a certain overpowering degree how I am ultimately treated, looked at, etc.

[Asker]

Not sure I get what you mean by I only want to be turned on by myself, haha. If you mean getting turned on when I imagine I am a different gender is *MYSELF* (because that's the only time the idea of sex actually turns me on), then yes, I suppose you are right, haha. Though, it isn't even about pleasure. It is about being comfortable in the idea of sex and feeling free to experience it because I can't when I picture myself. And it isn't even just about sex but intimacy in general. In a relationship in general. I didn't wake up one day and decide I wanted to be WEIRD. That's just what works for me, as I found out, after trying so many other things and ways to feel okay with being female in relationships and sex. The only reason this is the focus of the discussion (my body) is because I have tried to DENY and IGNORE my body and these feelings of unease about it I have had for so many friggin' years. So believe me I DO NOT WANT TO FOCUS ON MY BODY, haha. But it is, unfortunately, what stops me from enjoying the idea of being in love, in a relationship, having sex with someone I like and love. It's pretty hard to overlook, haha.

[TheSpaceGnome]

For fuck's sake stop overthinking everything 🙄 Look. There is no male or female way of thinking. You do not need to fit in. You do not need to change your body. You do not need to find yourself attractive You do not need to overthink every little thing, and you CAN just be yourself. The only thing weird that you are doing is overthinking to the point of nonsense.

[DextroShade]

Sounds like you want to wear a strap on and peg a dude. There are some weirdos who are into that.

[Asker]

No, I actually am not into pegging, haha. I just don't want to remember I am female when I am in a relationship or having sex. But that doesn't mean I have fantasies of dominating men in bed or literally fucking them. Though if I happen to fall in love with a guy who likes that, I am willing to try it for him. :)

[Alex-Snow]

We all are different and if it gives you a good orgasm why change?

[Grovermint]

It sounds weird as fuck.

[In_Trance]

Whatever works for you

[Asker]

Thanks. I try to make it work for me… somehow. :)

[Anonymous]

Seems like you need to be with a feminine man, I know you don’t want to transition but almost seems like you probably should or at least play the part and dress that way if you feel like that. I’ve read a lot of the comments and that’s my opinion

[Anonymous]

That sounds really hot actually

[Asker]

Haha, thank you. That makes me feel better.

[Opinion Owner]

It should, it is actually nice and interesting from a psychological view as well