I'm confused and I don't know what to do?

[SeanshterMonster]

So this has to do with sexuality, so if you dont like the topic you can leave. i just need some insight.

So here it goes, i dont ever get turned on my girls, their looks or even what they do. Twerking=gross bouncing breasts=whatever less clothing=cant stand looking at them. i mean i want a relationship full of love, i dont really need sex at all. i just want to share and enjoy my life with someone, like go on hikes, drink coffee or tea, read or write together. I do wish to have kids but im scared and not into sex.

at the same time i did like a few guys in my life but never got with them because i grew up in a religious family. but for some reason i really liked them, i even saw one of them without their shit in the locker room and i was embarrassed and apparently i was blushing. it was for a short period and then they left but it was whatever. i dont think about them.

But now, im confused. i havnt been in a healthy relationship in over a year and I've been with 4 girls, 3 of them were both physically and emotionally abusive to me.

[lightbulb27]

Have yo uever had sexual attaraction to a female? How about in your mind, would you fantasize about them?

I know this but I don't know everything... it is hormones driving the emotional circuitry of our minds that tells our "thingie" what it likes. I think your earlier trauma combined with sexual oppression may have influence here in emotions and possibly in hormonal developent. These are assumptions, not facts.

I've not been in this scenario so not sure what to do about it. Like if you kiss a girl, does that turn you on at all. or have no interest in kissing her? I'd wonder if girls smell good, some part of their body is stimulating, or sound?

Maybe get your testosterone checked and/or readup on how to boost it naturally and see if that changes things. I'd look into emotional healing as well from prior trauma... you know what happens to "secrets" kept right, they have a lot of power.

[SeanshterMonster]

To answer those questions. No, I dont really fantasize about girls really. I have kissed a girl and I really like it, it makes me happy, not turned on. It makes me feel loved and warm, happy and loving her. Sure a girl smells good but its whatever. So do guys with good deodorant. I've fallen in love once and I loved the way she smelled. Reminded me of her when I had anything of hers. It didn't turn me on but I loved it and it made me happy. Being happy and being loved and loving someone is more important to me then turning someone on or being turned on.

[lightbulb27]

its not something I have context to understand, I've not heard this before. Doesn't mean it's bad, or wrong or your bad. Just a matter of understanding yourself and growth. It may be that you are still developing. Life traumas and training will influence development. e. x. I know of an 11yr old that just got a hard on when he looked at some older girls. were all different. I think some mature later in those hormones. Talking to professionals may be good idea, or researching psychology. And again, doing things to boost T.

[SeanshterMonster]

How do I boost T?

[lightbulb27]

search it. examples: do HIIT exercise. Hang out with other stronger males. Take up aggressive sport... mountain bike riding, dirt bikes, fishing. tune to nature. maybe you had too much feminine energy around you in life? stay away from plant estrogens... plastics in food, plastic wraps, stick with organic foods as much as possible, I've heard soybeans implicated... don't know... some cultures do fine with. it's a lot of learning about yourself and what makes you best.

[SeanshterMonster]

well over my life I've had more female friends but thats due to all my male friends would abandon me or walk all over me and use me to get stuff

[jizzyjay]

Maybe ure gayish. Do what ure comfortable with.

[SeanshterMonster]

gayish? so like bi or?