I'm having a sexuality crisis?

[Confusedperson03]

Let's start with that, that I've knew I was attracted to girls since I was 15 and if you ask me about my crushes I had total 4 guy crushes and 10+ girls, my first "relationship" was even with a girl, I put in quotations because it was through internet, no long distance, we just never met and I still don't have any sexual experience, for a while I thought I was asexual but then I thought I was just a top, attracted to everyone, so pansexual. But here comes my problem, right now I'm in my first relationship and it's with a guy, he's nice, textbook definition what I would like in a guy, but there is problem... he has dick and I'm disguted by that, I feel no attraction to it, I don't want it anywhere near me (as I said I'm top, I thought I was willing to peg guys, but still... DICK IS ATTACHED!!!) I have fantasized about us doing sexual stuff yes, but when I think about it dick always was out of the picture and I've seen many people ask same question here and many answer that genitalias are unattractive in general but I don't agree, I don't have any discomfort with looking at vaginas, I can even say I'm attracted to it. I always knew I would prefer having sex and doing sexual stuff with women but I thought it was coming from me being more comfortable since I'm a woman myself and I never found appeal in penetrative sex either. I don't know I'm just so confused right now, I thought I was pansexual but am I lesbian? I also feel bad for my boyfriend, at least we haven't been together for long and never got past making out stage because HOW DO I EVEN BREAK IT TO HIM? Do I have to break up with him? I honestly don't know what to do but I know I'm forcing myself to be romantic and sexual around him, when I just like his company so I think I just like him platonically.

Thoughts?

[provokeesmokee]

You're likely lesbian, yeah. It's okay! Lots of folks will go through what you've gone through - and in all sorts of variations within.

Be honest with this dude about how you're finding out that while you like him, you're not sexually into men. He may get very butthurt if he's not a mature guy, but hopefully he takes it in stride and a frienship is possible. Honesty is the best start to that.

Sexuality is a messy, confusing thing. You're doing your best and you're being true to yourself - that's the most anyone can ask for.

I recently dated a woman for the first time and found out I'm not a 50:50 bisexual, I'm heavily more into femme or enby folks than I am men. I didn't know until now!

My exgf even found out more about her own sexuality when we dated.

We are always learning about ourselves. You're doing the right thing by accepting, exploring, and communicating your truth!

I hope your guy friend takes the news well and you find a good match when the time is right. :D

[Confusedperson03]

Thank you so much! 🥹 more than myself I'm worried about my boyfriend, I've accepted the fact that my family will be never supportive but he attached to me very fast and I tried to do the same but I just couldn't

[provokeesmokee]

It's okay. Hopefully he'll understand. I dated a guy who later came out as gay, and even my exgf discovered she wasn't just gay she was also ace. It's okay - these things happen. Do your best to be comforting and reassuring. Sometimes people will feel like "omg I was so bad I 'turned' them gay" - get ahead of that if it seems like his thoughts go there. But also, there WILL be some inevitable hurt. That is also just a natural part of love and relationships. Even if he takes the news less than graciously, how you handle your own emotion is its own thing. When you tell him, let him feel. But don't let whatever happens overtake you. You're right for being truthful about how you feel - it may be harsh for him at first, but even a painful truth is better than the thin veneer of a lie.

[Alltheflowers84]

You're right, honesty is always best. I am so sorry to hear about the guy who came out gay! :(

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Maybe you're panromantic but as for sex you are lesbian.

[slatyb]

You have to tell him. He wants an intimate relationship and that's not going to happen. Don't waste his time and yours.

[Confusedperson03]

I know, I just don't know how without hurting him

[slatyb]

The longer you wait, the more hurt he will be because you will have wasted more of his time. Be an adult and tell him that you don't think you have the same goals for this relationship.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend going to a sex therapist right away

[Confusedperson03]

Sure but why? I don't even know what sex therapist is or is it even exists in my country

[Opinion Owner]

Go to a Christian counselor so you could be straight

[Avicenna]

Just be honest with him

[Confusedperson03]

I will but I'm afraid I will hurt him too much