Could I talk you into NOT wanting those things? I doubt it. So why do you think you can talk him INTO wanting those things?
Before you get married, or even into a committed relationship, it's your job to vet your partner and make sure you have long-term compatibility, and the reason why it's SO important to do this, and to do it up-front, is because YOU CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE - you can only change yourself. When you married this guy, you agreed to accept him as he is, and this is how he is.
I'm sure that seems harsh - and it is - but that's because it's way too late to deal with that now. This is why pre-marital counselling exists. It's why vetting your partner is so important before you commit.
This here💯
I’m not asking my husband to change, I’m asking to meet me half way to meet my needs. I don’t expect him to change or want him to. It’s not like I am asking him to change himself.
But you are. There are plenty of things you CAN compromise on - where you can meet each other halfway, even if it's not perfectly ideal for you. But there are also areas where that's just not possible (and some issues COULD be compromised on by some people, and not by others). Imagine you were perfectly straight (I have no idea if you are, but let's pretend). Some straight women could kiss or even make out with another woman to please their husbands, even if they weren't really into girls. For other straight women, the thought of doing that is completely repulsive - they couldn't bring themselves to EVER do ANYTHING remotely sexual with another woman. For many men, this is a hard limit - they simply cannot wrap their brains around anything close do doing this. Yes, some men wouldn't really enjoy it, but they'd have no problem doing it just to please his girl, but this is not going to be the case for everyone. You ARE asking your husband to change, and it seems clear that this is one of those areas where that's just not something he can do, even 5%. It's not who he is. And this is coming from a guy who enjoys BDSM, so it's not like *I* have any problem with it. But there are lines I won't cross either. Nearly everyone has those lines, and this kind of thing is a big-enough deal that you need to figure that out BEFORE you commit to a relationship. Assuming you can change someone later is setting yourself up for failure.
As other said. You can't make him do things he absolutely do not want.
So what are your choices?
1. Suck it up.
2. Communicate with him, explain your needs and simply ask him how far he is willing to go towards pleasing those needs without it interfering with his own.
Did you discuss this prior to entering a relationship or getting married? You can't force sexual kinks on someone, the best thing you can do is partner with someone that has the same sexual kinks, preferences, desires as you do, why it's important to discuss these matters before, not after
I am not trying to force anything. I’m trying to encourage and communicate my needs if a way that makes up both comfortable.
But if he's really just not into it?
Then I suck it up and deal with it
Just kick him in the balls. He will at least dance for you a bit before he drops.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!See if you can come to a compromise, where you’ll do something that he likes in exchange for BDSM but if he’s really not comfortable with it, don’t push him
What type of impact play are you wanting him to get into? Like others have said, obviously communication is important but I know it's not as simple as "hey i like this" ... and then it magically clicks.
But what about just asking/encouraging him to start out with pretty tame stuff like spanking?
It’s hard.
I've had relationships where the girl is not in to BDSM, equally I’ve had with a girl who has had a 3 year vanilla lifestyle but was submissive and heavily in to her masochistic side, bruising etc.
A lot comes down to is it the actual contact in impact play or is it the anticipation and suggestion that gets you.
At times you never need to make contact and it’s the feeling that it’s about to happen does it.
Work out what on a sliding scale from mild to extreme you like.
then what’s the mildest you can be satisfied with.
It’s also working out by chatting to him what the areas he does not like.
it can be hard hitting another person.
For example, a paddle might be better than him using his hand.
then what do you like receiving, a riding crop type strike / sting, or a more solid paddle, hand, fist etc which would be a thud.
@subarugirl there is more lol
@mia-wallace any comments on question?
What is "Impact Play"?
Can you please tell us more about what you are specifically into?
Also, if you can tell us, what _IS_ your husband into?
Maybe we can find some common ground...
Just be naughty and the only cure is a good spanking.
Have an open full out discussion. Get everyone's feelings out. Talk about what he can do... without going beyond what he wants and see if you two can meet in the middle.
Depends on what your asking for. Try easing him into it.
My ex did this for me. I wasn't into it, but she was. So she started of slow and we experimented more and more and I turned out liking it.
So don't throw the poor guy into the deep end. Ease him into it, and if he enjoys the little bits try expanding on it.
You must tell us why isn't he into it.
Also try to go slowly into it. You really ha e to show him how much it turns you on and that you really like it.
I don't know if you want to be dom or sub but if you’re sub it sucks because a lot of men don’t enjoy hurting women I don’t think you can convince him to want to hurt you. Sure men like being dominant but the domination in BDSM mimics abuse.
How does he usually have sex with you?
It’s usually vanilla, either missionary or doggy and once he finishes we are done
does he even attempt to make you orgasm at all?
Sometimes but i I’m not usually able to with a partner so often I redirect him
In every marriage there is compromise… give and take…I get what you are saying as we all have our own kinks, those that can admit it and those that hide it.
I rather you tell him, if he loves you he should help you meet your needs and you should do the same.
Do you know what his kinks are? Maybe try to explore these with him too, or introduce him to some.
there is nothing wrong with what you are going or your needs, it all helps keep the relationship heathy and exciting.
good luck… he really doesn’t know what he is missing, you sound like a very dedicated and loyal wife.
Im always happy to chat pm me if you want.
Somehow I don't think pain and torture will be good for keeping a relationship healthy. It is UNHEALTHY in my opinion. That kind of stuff always seem to progress to something worse, but it never degresses to something better, like soft and tender sex. But like I said that is just MY opinion.
@Daniela1982 true pain and torture is not good, everyone has their limitations, I’m just saying they should explore, but always keep it safe.
You I have the same problem, and many years together. I still get no where.
I keep trying
i kninde same like your husband, but i will still be open to let the girl have her fun as long i'm not hurt, in pain or feel a big discomfort.
What do you want to try on him?
I don’t want to do hurt him lol I want him to hurt me lol
Ok, so you are a masokist person (a person who enjoy pain). In that case i will sugest you to try and play and mix the sexual teasings (words, touch, facial expresions and body language) and his anger or stres in order to make him hit you in the way you want. A more simple idea will be, make him very angry/stresed and then try to "jump on him" to make sex, if he is angry and don't want try to become more sexual. Try all the time to play whit his anger, this will be my advice.
Divorce your spouse and marry me. You’ll no longer have these problems
There is so much more. @chrismaster69 or myself can really fill you in. Easier that messenger
Poor guy. He doesn't know what he's missing.
Convincing a spouse of a kink... big fkn deal.
It's not easy.
Get a therapist involved.
That's no guarantee that they'll come around though.
Good luck.
You can try encouraging your husband to try something like bdsm out, or you know start small and work your way up.
Another proposition is allowing your husband to write down his limits on your kink, like let say he isn't to big a fan of being tied up, don't bring a rope or chains or anything which prevents him from moving.
Or you can try having a compromise with him, you know if he try playing bdsm with you, in exchange when it his turn to choose his kinks you do his enjoyment and both of you guys take turns filling each other wishes.
Remember the point between a marriage couple is finding a compromise and not trying to force one another to do anything the other person isn't interested or comfortable doing.
How could try like an agreed upon 1 day a month he gets to pick something he's really into then 1 day you do?
Talk to him, i'm sure you could arrange some version you both can be happy with.
Or just a trade deal "help me out with that and i will help you out"
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