I need some help here, I’m really into BDSM. I particularly enjoy impact play but my husband doesn’t at all. How can I encourage my spouse to help meet some of the needs that I have?
Communicate with him I’m sure that he wants you to enjoy sex too
0000
Jamie05rhsMaster
+1 y
What is impact play? Is it bad? My friend mentioned it to me and I asked her what it was but she wouldn't answer the question.
0100
Massageman
+1 y
Spanking, flogging, anything that can deliver an impact.
Jamie05rhs
+1 y
@Massageman Oh. I think spanking is just fine if the person wants to be spanked and as long as you don't cause them pain or leave any marks.
Asker
+1 y
Lol that’s the thing I like the pain and the marks
Show All Show Less
Jamie05rhs
+1 y
@Subarugirl That's a psychological disorder, though. (No offense.). If you're allowing physical harm to come to your body, you are putting yourself in danger and accelerating the deterioration of your physical health and your ultimate death. That isn't a positive way of living. You need to be seeking wholeness.
Jamie05rhs
+1 y
@Subarugirl Try getting a massage from @massageman or someone like him. Massages are actually healthy and very good for you.
Asker
+1 y
Yes I know all about massage and soft tissue work my husband is a chiropractor. Also I am a masochist, I enjoy it in a sexual context, and I am not the only one by far.
Massageman
+1 y
:- ). We handle the soft tissue and we let the Chiropractors deal with the hard tissue! Works for me!
oncplYoda
+1 y
Better to discuss with him openly what do you want. Any ambiguity or lack of clear expression leads to frustration.
0000
kellythemanGuru
+1 y
Well you might need to tell him your needs and how important they are to you and try to ease him into it start slow. Maybe watch a video on it and talk about after and see if he is willing to try it. If he does try to go up a notch but don't force it then you might lose the chance he be comfortable with it. It might take time but if bdsm is whst you need he will try to meet them. Communication and discussion is key.
0000
EyesOfGodXper 7
+1 y
Just get divorced and move on with life. Sexual incompatibility is a must in a relationship, otherwise its doomed to fail.
0000
Asker
+1 y
Yeah.. I’m not getting divorced over that. That’s not an option.
Jersey2
+1 y
Dovorce? What do you even know about life or marriage… never mind.
Asker
+1 y
@Jersey2 I don’t think he does
AHaryXper 3
+1 y
What is "impact play"?
0000
Asker
+1 y
Hitting more or less. Spanking, whipping, caning, slapping, etc
AHary
+1 y
You know I thought I wanted to me the Dom once. But I was afraid I could get to hard with it. So i like being the sub. But I still have fantasies of how it would be to have a true sub. Is that weird?
AHary
+1 y
I want to expand my Dom v. Sub thinking here for you, Subaru. Maybe you 2 can find some examples of different kinds of Master/Slave relationships that would allow him to feel good about Dom. And you could expand your thinking of being sub?
HelenJacobXper 7
+1 y
First you have to take it out of its shell, for example FMF gradually you will get what you want. I will give detailed information in private.
0000
noohairYoda
+1 y
Most guys are raised to "Not Harm Women". They learned it young and it is very strong learned behavior. Is this a newly acquired fetish? Why did you not bring it up before marriage. If the sex is good for both, most marriages can survive anything.
0000
Asker
+1 y
No this isn’t something new. I’m just wondering if we could find a compromise
noohair
+1 y
How did you get to married without this subject coming up?
Asker
+1 y
Because I was 19 and pregnant so we were dealing with some bigger issues at the time
Show All Show Less
noohair
+1 y
So before you got pregnant you were hiding your sexual desires? I don't have an answer for you. Some men are very rigid. I was raised to not harm women. But I am not your average guy. I am slightly openminded. All the best.
Asker
+1 y
I was pretty young and he was my first boyfriend so I was just enjoying being with him, I figured that I would have time to bring it up later on
noohair
+1 y
Start slow with small steps. Good lick
FreeOhSevenXper 6
+1 y
What is the reason that he isn’t into it?
0000
TwalliMaster
+1 y
Start with very mild BDSM
0000
KrakenAttackinMaster
+1 y
"Impact play"?
0000
Asker
+1 y
Spanking, whipping, paddling, etc
KrakenAttackin
+1 y
@subarugirl. So you want to be hit or to hit him?
Asker
+1 y
I want it, I have absolutely no desire to hit him
Show All Show Less
KrakenAttackin
+1 y
@subarugirl. He won't just spank your ass?
Asker
+1 y
Um it’s a little more than that but more or less yes
SurelyGuru
+1 y
I am sure that he doesn’t know what he is missing out. Once dated a woman after a few slaps on her bottom. She got hotter than an oven. Maybe you could handcuff yourself to the bed with you favorite toys lying beside you. Then tell him how bad you have been that day! And need punished.
0000
HanrejYoda
+1 y
Let him know that the need is great enough you'll have to seek it elsewhere in not by your husband.
0000
Asker
+1 y
I’m no lol I married him I’m not going anywhere
In_TranceMaster
+1 y
Chances are you can't. When you think of how difficult it is for him to get you to show interest and be supportive of things you really don't like, you'll realize you have little to no chance of changing him
0000
OddBeMeMaster
+1 y
Like what acts exactly? I’d be skiddish choking you during sex
0000
Joker_Master
+1 y
Good
0000
Luckycharms12Guru
+1 y
Light fun get him comfortable and confident. Then maybe can get more advanced
0000
Clarke498Guru
+1 y
Ohhhh. I would mention and find out about this side of him waaaay before getting married to him
0000
REDHOTLINEYoda
+1 y
This is the marriage...
0000
2ndTryatThisXper 6
+1 y
I struggle with that in relationships often. Sometimes incompatibility can be devastating. Let me know if you have any success and best of luck to you!
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What Girls & Guys Said
11 54Communicate with him I’m sure that he wants you to enjoy sex too
What is impact play? Is it bad? My friend mentioned it to me and I asked her what it was but she wouldn't answer the question.
Spanking, flogging, anything that can deliver an impact.
@Massageman Oh. I think spanking is just fine if the person wants to be spanked and as long as you don't cause them pain or leave any marks.
Lol that’s the thing I like the pain and the marks
@Subarugirl That's a psychological disorder, though. (No offense.). If you're allowing physical harm to come to your body, you are putting yourself in danger and accelerating the deterioration of your physical health and your ultimate death. That isn't a positive way of living. You need to be seeking wholeness.
@Subarugirl Try getting a massage from @massageman or someone like him. Massages are actually healthy and very good for you.
Yes I know all about massage and soft tissue work my husband is a chiropractor. Also I am a masochist, I enjoy it in a sexual context, and I am not the only one by far.
:- ). We handle the soft tissue and we let the Chiropractors deal with the hard tissue! Works for me!
Better to discuss with him openly what do you want. Any ambiguity or lack of clear expression leads to frustration.
Well you might need to tell him your needs and how important they are to you and try to ease him into it start slow. Maybe watch a video on it and talk about after and see if he is willing to try it. If he does try to go up a notch but don't force it then you might lose the chance he be comfortable with it. It might take time but if bdsm is whst you need he will try to meet them. Communication and discussion is key.
Just get divorced and move on with life. Sexual incompatibility is a must in a relationship, otherwise its doomed to fail.
Yeah.. I’m not getting divorced over that. That’s not an option.
Dovorce? What do you even know about life or marriage… never mind.
@Jersey2 I don’t think he does
What is "impact play"?
Hitting more or less. Spanking, whipping, caning, slapping, etc
You know I thought I wanted to me the Dom once. But I was afraid I could get to hard with it. So i like being the sub. But I still have fantasies of how it would be to have a true sub. Is that weird?
I want to expand my Dom v. Sub thinking here for you, Subaru. Maybe you 2 can find some examples of different kinds of Master/Slave relationships that would allow him to feel good about Dom. And you could expand your thinking of being sub?
First you have to take it out of its shell, for example FMF gradually you will get what you want. I will give detailed information in private.
Most guys are raised to "Not Harm Women". They learned it young and it is very strong learned behavior. Is this a newly acquired fetish? Why did you not bring it up before marriage. If the sex is good for both, most marriages can survive anything.
No this isn’t something new. I’m just wondering if we could find a compromise
How did you get to married without this subject coming up?
Because I was 19 and pregnant so we were dealing with some bigger issues at the time
So before you got pregnant you were hiding your sexual desires? I don't have an answer for you. Some men are very rigid. I was raised to not harm women. But I am not your average guy. I am slightly openminded. All the best.
I was pretty young and he was my first boyfriend so I was just enjoying being with him, I figured that I would have time to bring it up later on
Start slow with small steps. Good lick
What is the reason that he isn’t into it?
Start with very mild BDSM
"Impact play"?
Spanking, whipping, paddling, etc
@subarugirl. So you want to be hit or to hit him?
I want it, I have absolutely no desire to hit him
@subarugirl. He won't just spank your ass?
Um it’s a little more than that but more or less yes
I am sure that he doesn’t know what he is missing out.
Once dated a woman after a few slaps on her bottom. She got hotter than an oven.
Maybe you could handcuff yourself to the bed with you favorite toys lying beside you. Then tell him how bad you have been that day! And need punished.
Let him know that the need is great enough you'll have to seek it elsewhere in not by your husband.
I’m no lol I married him I’m not going anywhere
Chances are you can't. When you think of how difficult it is for him to get you to show interest and be supportive of things you really don't like, you'll realize you have little to no chance of changing him
Like what acts exactly? I’d be skiddish choking you during sex
Good
Light fun get him comfortable and confident. Then maybe can get more advanced
Ohhhh. I would mention and find out about this side of him waaaay before getting married to him
This is the marriage...
I struggle with that in relationships often. Sometimes incompatibility can be devastating. Let me know if you have any success and best of luck to you!