I'm not sure why my boyfriend feels pressured when it comes to PROPOSING to me?

Would you consider it a "red flag"? We've been together four months. I have gotten to know him on an intimate level, including meeting his family twice as well as a friend of his.

When the topic of marriage and a family came (over telephone conversation), he became scared and a bit confrontational. I get that getting married and starting a family is a big step, scratch that a HUGE undertaking, he STILL shouldn't have negative emoitions regarding that with me. Do you think that he doesn't like me as much as I thought? He is saying that part of his hesitation is that I don't have a job yet, and we haven't moved out together to "test the waters" in that regard, but I feel that #1, I should be the one feeling pressured or "scared" as I will be the one carrying the baby and the pregnancy, NOT HIM! I am the one who also has to get along with HIS family as well as my parents! ... So I am not sure WHY, first of all, would a man, get SCARED to commit! #2, I see men commit to their woman ALL THE TIME! So what is wrong to where I cannot have the same thing? !

P. S. We have not had sex yet but I HAVE given him a hand job (on multiple occassions). He prefers a Blow Job, but sometimes his you know, STINKS to put it kindly... SOMETIMES... not always..

Secondly, he says that he wants me to get a good job that I am happy with first and that we move out... there's a part of me that MAY just be thinking these are excuses...

I'm 39 about to turn 40 soon... what is he WAITING for? ? !

Updates:
11 mo
Wow, all, if not most of you guy's advices are shit. And why were you guys thinking I wanted him to propose at four months! Practice your reading comprehension skills people please!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • "he STILL shouldn't have negative emotions regarding that with me."

    What? People cannot control how they feel, but only the actions that stem from those feelings.

    • That's not really advice. This is just a comment.

    • And yes, why not? Wouldn't you be hurt if someone rejected you after everything you've been through with the person? Anyway..

  • 4 months is not really long enough for a proposal.

    • I had an ex propose to me at two months. And no he is not an ex because of that. But I'm just saying. I think yes, I agree it's a bit premature, but still,..

    • I'm not pressuring him by the way. I really hope people get that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Lady, I think he's very reasonable to be worried.

    You've only been dating 4 months, you're UNEMPLOYED, and he doesn't even know how you are to live with.

    Live together. Use condoms. Get a job.

    If none of those appeal to you, break up because he's not going to be ready anytime sooner than his own pace - and you are definitely pressuring him.

    This much emotion in your post? He definitely is picking up on your desperation to be married before 40.

    Don't force him to rush just because you want to.

    • She’s a leech

    • "If none of those appeal to you, break up because he's not going to be ready anytime sooner than his own pace - and you are definitely pressuring him." How am I "PRESSURING" him though? I never gave me a specific timeline really. And I NEVER forced his hand toward the Bridal/Wedding shop or David's Bridal or ANYTHING like that! And yeah, I COULD be a little desparate because of my age, but then, I could also yeah, put the brakes on that and I've told him so. You've made a few assumputions about me that just are not true and I don't appreciate it.

    • @Danny_dan92 "She’s a leech" Excuse me? ? ! Why are you so mean to me? ! What did I DO to you? ? ! How would YOU like it if your sister or someone you loved came on here with a problem hoping to get some help and instead you insult and hurt them and put words in their mouth! You wouldn't like that one bit would you!! ! And no I am NOT a leech. A lot of the times, in the relationship, WE SPLIT THE BILL! It was only RECENTLY that I lost my job for christ sakes! !

  • Huge RED FLAG, even more so at his age. What's his hurry?

    • What do you mean? Red flag for HIM or ME? Because I'm in no hurry either like I keep saying to you all. Even though my ex proposed to me after only two months, but no, we did not break up because of that! Anyway..

  • You’ve been together for four fucken months….






    I have a feeling you want things to be expedited due to your age.




    Calm tf down. No man is gonna propose to a woman he basically just started dating.




    Not to mention I doubt you two even live together yet. Most guys would wanna do that first before making the very serious decision of proposing. Because once you’re married you’re legally bound.




    And given how divorces work in favor of women at a 90% rate. Men do not want to risk it anymore by rushing into it.




    If you are really that desperate to get married go find a man that matches your desire to desperately get married

    • "And given how divorces work in favor of women at a 90% rate. Men do not want to risk it anymore by rushing into it." Then how did younger women (or just other women in general) able to find that? ? ! Why are people THINKING that I am DESPARATE when I am not! Where in my question are people getting this! I've waited 40 years for that marriage ring and never got it so why should I be desparate now! I was merely wondering why it's usually THE GUY you have to DRAG to the altar when it's THEM who doesn't have to sacrifice their life or their body!

    • Using all capital words. And the last part in the description “What is is WAITING for? ? !” Yeah, it’s abundantly clear you’re desperate. Because you’re about to turn 40 years old, and you know your biological clock is ticking. You have baby fever. You clearly want kids because you mentioned starting a family.

    • NO I DID NOT BRING THAT UP! HE WAS THE ONE BRINGING THOSE THINGS UP! You just don't understand! I didn't tell you this because I felt it wasn't necesary to the conversation! I just don't think you get it! I do NOT have baby fever! ! If I had that and was THAT desparate to have a baby, then yeah, I would have left him for someone that WAS ready! ! Please don't put words in my mouth!

    • Show All
  • Well, in those four months you may have gotten to know him but it seems to me he don't know a lot about you.

    True, you're taking a risk with the pregnancy BUT you can back out of that. Once married you could either go back on your word or perform an abortion. He on the other hand can't divorce without huge damage and following obligations.

    If you want to sell the idea that you're the one taking the risk then perhaps you shouldn't push for marriage or you know, get a job so that it doesn't seem to him like you're pushing for it out of need.

    • "True, you're taking a risk with the pregnancy BUT you can back out of that. Once married you could either go back on your word or perform an abortion." Yeah like that stuff won't take a toll on my body 🙄 ... And whether or not the relationship ends up working, I am NOT the type of person to usually go back on my word. I'm not scummy like that, sadly it looks like you know a lot that do!

  • Are you for real. Your been together for 4 months and you are pressuring him about marriage and kids. Your lucky he is still even talking to you because a lot of guy who be leaving your arse. Who gives a damn if he is 40.

    You really also think him telling you to get a job is an excuse. Your 39 years. It's time you get a damn job.

    • 1. I NEVER said I was pressuring him at four months. Please have better reading comprehension skills. 2. I agree with the job thing but I just lost my job RECENLTY like I said to the other commenter. 3. HE'S the one who is LUCKY to have me! Not a lot of women I know are in my position. I have a lot of great things to offer him that a lot of women can't. I don't need to list them here.

    • Lol please so tired of women like you saying men are lucky they have you. How about women are lucky they even have a men interested in them in the first place. You say you aren't pressuring him but maybe read what you said you said what's his waiting for. That saying you are impatient and want him to marry you now. You there saying have better reading skills. Um you realise others also thought you were pressuring him not just me yet you want to tell me to have better reading skills

    • Yes I guess there's a lot of people here sadly with bad reading skills. I just mentioned that we were DATING for four months, I didn't mean I was expecting a proposal around this time. People are so dumb.

    • Show All
  • Red flag that you want it so soon!

    Baby fever can do relate but give it 6 months sounds like this will soon end!

    Honestly right now for him sounds like just a fun fling with a fun girl free hand jobs

    Would so never touch it gross!

    Fir him probably scared you want it soon and fast! My hubby had to be ready but I pushed made it take longer!

    Also he better pleasure you and devour you! On tom days for ew that gross thing

    • Lmao most guys advice is crap on here!