I’m tired of guys being flaky/attention spotty with me on dates and in general. What can I do to change it?

[Anonymous]

My thought is to start with my appearance. I’m not very skinny. Like 5’9” and 123 pounds. I’d like to be at like 115 and have bigger boobs. Right now I’m only a 32C. Maybe they need to be like a 34DD.
Also my face is ok but not beautiful. I am thinking of getting a nose job and/or lip filler and Botox.
I also have reddish hair that I have to upkeep since it’s not my natural color. I’m thinking it’s not suiting me well so I’ll go for a blond highlight or something and get a tan. I’m really pale right now.
Oh, and talk a lot less. I think when I talk it’s a boner killer. So I’ll just learn how to smile and listen better.
I am not enough to keep anyone interested so if I need to change then I guess I have to in order to be attractive. If I was that amazing I wouldn’t have so much difficulty dating, and would have more commitment. If guys only care about all these shallow things and want women as trophies then I’ve been focusing on the wrong things all this time.

[Anonymous]

You have to take it less personally as "something's wrong with me", and especially automatically assuming it's your looks (where you first go to). Dating is just plain hard, for everyone (very few and luck if it's comes "easy"). Also look at your "expectations" or what you're wanting from a guy on a date. Talk about relationship "goals" (what each of you are looking for - weed out "flaky"). Steer dating conversations to help meet your "expectations". It's a needle in a haystack, especially these days (for us guys also, not just for you women).

I'm not seeing what you look like, but I can guarantee you DO NOT need ANY surgery of any kind. And for a lot of guys, this is also an automatic TURN OFF!

[Opinion Owner]

The advice you women would give us guys, most of it applies to you also. Don't change who you are (ie talk less, etc). Have CONFIDENCE (we like it in you also). Be honest, direct in conversations. All the same things apply. You have to go through a lot of "bad" ones before you find your diamond.

[DonkeyDan]

It's sad to hear that you think you have to do all this so you get the attention you want. The attention you'll get by doing that is fake attention like your body would be after doing these things to yourself. If thats the kind if attention you want then I guess go right ahead, but you'll cut out any guy who is genuine and wants to actually get to know you for you, it won't make you happy. Good luck though.

[artstatues]

That's extremely thin. 5'9 and 123lbs is a BMI of 18.2, which is at the lowest end of healthy weight. If you lose more weight, you will be underweight

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

[Asker]

Well apparently I just look average with my current frame.

[artstatues]

No way you look average with that weight. I'm shorter than you and 133, therefore I must be an 🐘

[Asker]

No don’t feel that way. I’m just really hard on myself about my appearance because I’m completely hollow on the inside. This is all I have.

[artstatues]

Don't speak bad about yourself and be so negative. I'm sure you're a lovely person both inside and out

[Asker]

I would like to be in a relationship but it never happens so I’m really doubting myself.

[artstatues]

You shouldn't. The right person will come along, just focus on yourself, your hobbies etc.

[Asker]

I already do those things all the time. I’ve tried everything from being nice and positive, unbothered to really putting myself out there a lot and putting in effort. Nothing comes back. I’m not wanted. And I don’t talk this way with the guys, I don’t say anything negative. I put my best self out there and nothing works.

[spartan55]

5'9 123 is not overweight. Besides it's not what you weigh, it's how you look.

[Asker]

Well I look subpar.

[JustiReno]

You sound very skinny, my ex is about your exact same weight but 5” shorter than you and she has slender shoulders, a tiny waist, a perfectly flat stomach and think she a generous B cup. Are you sure your measurements are accurate do you have pics?

[Asker]

My measurements are 33-25-35. My bra size is a 32C/34D but looks small. I’m like a size 2.

[JustiReno]

Sound like you have body dysmorphia tbh you probably look super fit! Don’t be shy, post a pic!

[Asker]

There’s literally nothing to see.

[JustiReno]

You said something about your hair! I wanna see 🥺

[Asker]

It’s just long and shiny and has a reddish blond color

[JustiReno]

I have a bad imagination I need visuals. That’s really the back of my head LOL

[Browneye57]

It's just ALL about you ALL the time, isn't it? With this level of narcissism you'll NEVER get it. EVER. Hope you like cats.

[NinaaaS]

Haha ugly fat nobody losers like you trolling again? You’re the same guy who said Frida Hassan is not somebody you’d bang. Go back on your incel Reddit pages and leave women alone on here. And wow you guys are so funny with the cats thing. Truthfully, I’d rather die with cats than a loser low life like yourself. Have fun with YOUR cats. Meow fuck off.

[NinaaaS]

Literally you’re the ugliest person I've seen in my life 😂

[rabbitzzz]

5'9" 123lbs sounds like a stick. He was probably negging you? Its a game they teach in dating books. Poorly executed.

[Asker]

I’m not that skinny though. I apparently am just in the “healthy” range meaning I’m average.

[rabbitzzz]

You need to do some free hand exercise. Maybe you have lean fat. You can still gain more weight 60kg and look skinny by losing some fat. Personally I don't like women when they start to show muscles. But everyone has their preferences. You will obviously try to impress those you care about. But you will never be enough for everybody.

[Asker]

I’m 22 % body fat.

[rabbitzzz]

That is very normal and not fat at all? Personally I prefer 25-30%

[Asker]

Exactly. A guy told me I look normal and not too skinny. So maybe I need to drop some more weight and workout even longer.

[Iron_Man]

That is skinny

[Asker]

A guy I talked to today said I. Wasn’t that skinny.

[Iron_Man]

Somethings not right here

[stephen_marris]

your body dimensions sound perfect tbh... would you mind connecting on IG so i could see what uyou looke like?

[Asker]

There’s nothing to see...

[Asker]

And. I don’t have Instagram

[stephen_marris]

ha well a woman withthat body can be my pillow princess anyday

[Asker]

I’m telling the truth. I have red hair and I’m pale, have thin dimensions, but I’m not enough. So I need to change.

[stephen_marris]

thats my type! love red hair. "My measurements are 33-25-35. My bra size is a 32C/34D" i would love to go down on a woman like that

[MountAverage]

Wow, you sound absolutely pathetic. Zero dignity. How sad.

[Asker]

I’m absolutely depressed. But thanks for that.

[kellytheman]

Well it's might not a bad idea to go for a new look not get in better shape and change your hair but I am against getting boob job and Botox. If you ask me C cup is the perfect size and you should never do Botox or get plastic surgery in your face. Also don't worry about talking that who you are and if I guy hates you talking that's his problem not yours.

[Twalli]

How are you not skinny? I am significantly shorter than you and 115 lbs is underweight for me. So 123 lbs being a healthy weight for me at 5'4", means it's underweight for you. Therefore you're skinny.

[nawtee_me]

You can not change how other people are. You can change you but that doesn’t mean other will change because of it.

[Billiumboomerboi]

you sound hot physically. Maybe talk less if you think its a boner killer. What are you saying thats fuckin everything up?

[ChiTownLov]

From the sounds of it, you are fine the way you are. Understandably though, your generation has been brought up with high standards and advanced technology that seems to have a huge impact on someone's life. I personally believe that you don't need any botox or surgeries, and just be you and eventually you will find the right one.

[Asker]

No I need to be perfect or else I don’t care. If I’m not, I’ll be left for someone else.

[ChiTownLov]

I'm sure you are perfect to someone

[Asker]

I want to be perfect to a wide range.

[ChiTownLov]

I'm pretty sure you are already.

[Anonymous]

Stop being so approval seeking.

[Anonymous]

Don't get botox or surgery, but you can work on other things. But you sound ok they way you are, a guy would still like you.

[Asker]

Not the guys I want usually. Or maybe I can get guys interested at first but they can usually find someone better quickly, that’s how I feel. I wasted my money spending it on horses. I should have used it to fix my appearance because it’s going to be costly.

[Opinion Owner]

Horses are cool. But you don't have to be someone's trophy. Don't go after guys that are shallow, that won't work in the long run, but you can always change you hair color or workout. But not all guys love huge tits, smaller ones look sexy to me and a lot of guys.

[Asker]

I workout every single day for an hour. And unfortunately every guy I’m around in my city is shallow.

[Opinion Owner]

A lot of women feel the way you do. Lots of guys and girls are just trying to hook up. That's good you work out, don't get botox or surgery, those can go wrong and make you look worse.