I refuse to date guys who aren’t virgins and it’s made it impossible to get a boyfriend. How can I get over my hatred for non virgin men?

I’m 18, pretty, sociable, nice, etc etc but I’ve never had a boyfriend. It’s a given, I’m also a virgin. I’ve found the guys I’ve clicked with the most have always had girlfriends before or even worse had sex which is why I’ve rejected them (without telling them that reason of course.)

Just to be clear by hatred for non virgin men, I don’t mean as people just as partners. I personally feel disgusted at the thought and although there’s nothing wrong with them personality wise the idea or as friends but of some other women having been on body of a man I would date insanely pisses me off.

I know I have jealously issues blah blah but why should some slut be entitled to my body which I’ve saved for someone special who I truly love when he’s clearly fucked other women? If one day I were to meet a virgin man who I could share my first experience with and we broke up, I wouldn’t hold this same rule (some may think I’m crazy but I’m definitely not a hypocrite.)

It seems like even more nerdier/more introverted guys have had sex and it just ugh I’m so tired of it. How can I get over my hatred for dating guys who’ve had sex or find a virgin (who of course I can decently click with)?

Updates:
8 mo
This also applies to guys who have had girlfriends, but over time I’ve gotten better about that. Most because I don’t think I’ve met a single guy who hasn’t had a girlfriend since before sophomore year of high school.
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Superb Opinion
  • How? Realize that the older you get the smaller and smaller your dating pool is going to get with this standard. Plus what you going to do if you finally meet that virgin you're looking for, you marry him, and then he cheats on you. I assume divorce him. But now you've been sullied. You're a virgin+1 so to speak. Does that mean you only date guys who've been with one woman? Or do you still only choose virgins? How is that fair to him?

    What I'm trying to say is it's good to have standards. I think you're doing the right thing to hold onto your virginity that SHOULD be a gift for your husband, and his to you. But understand we live in an imperfect world. Don't expect perfection out of yourself, just a true effort. And demand the same from him.

    The last woman I took a liking to had slept with at least two guys (that I knew of). One that produced a child. I could get passed that. What I couldn't get passed was she did not make me feel like I'd be the final guy she wanted to sleep with. I can forgive her past. I can't accept her non commital present and future.

    • I actually spoke on the first scenario in my post. At that point I’d date non virgin men but, I’m not divorced. I haven’t even had a boyfriend yet, so as of now it’s virgin men only. My question was how to get over it or find one?

    • Sorry I read your entire post. Don't know how I missed that tidbit the first time, my bad. But, "my question was how to get over it or find one". I spoke on this as well. In fact it was opening response I said, "Realize the older you get the smaller and smaller your dating pool is going to get with this standard". When I was your age I had some "picky" standards as well. You'll figure it out.🙂 You'll likely compromise a bit in the future. Or you won't, and You'll stay single.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm 37 and still a virgin. We are out there, just not as common as should be the case.

    All I can say is that you are fully entitled to wanting a virgin man as a virgin woman. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am still looking for a virgin woman to settle down with. It's not easy in today's society.

    The only advice I can give you is that you may have to adjust how you typically meet men. If you are a Christian, church is a good potential place to possibly meet sexually non-experienced guys. Outside of church or church related organizations or groups, it's gonna be hard to find what you want but that doesn't mean you should cave on your morals. Depending on what kind of locale you live in, online dating may be the only option available to you outside of moving somewhere where it's more likely to find the kind of guys you are seeking. Word of caution, though, even though there are lots of good men out there, there are also manipulative, selfish guys. I'd suggest if you ever decide to meet up with an online date to make sure the first date is in more public location and make sure up front to tell him you are not about getting physical until you both reach a place where that feels right. If he isn't willing to take it as slowly as you need, he's not right for you (and may have been lying about being a virgin just to try to "bed" one).

    It's ultimately up to you to decide if sticking to your stance is the right thing, but lots of research shows that the longer a couple waits to engage in the physical... especially sex... the more likely the relationship has to succeed. This is because it allows both partners to build an emotional bond (and possibly a spiritual one, with certain people). Doing so first will make the physical all the more special when, as a couple, you decide to take things up a notch.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Speaking maturely I think we should care more about that persons feelings and who they are, it’s not about their body, it’s about who they are, if they’ve gotten over their ex I think it’s safe to have a nice relationship that works just fine. Sadly I have the same problem as you, I’m 20 yo woman and a virgin, there’s a guy I kinda like but I can’t stop picturing him fucking another woman, it drives me crazy ugh

  • Get therapy.


    You’re too young to be that far gone already. . professional help is required.

    • Unless reverse psychology can get through that delusion. 🤔 Imagine a man telling you he’ll only date virgin girls. How creepy does that sound? Some creep going around demanding his dick be the first to be inside of women…fucking gross. That’s what you sound like though….

    • Not when I’m also a virgin. That’s valid for a man who’s also a virgin. Why should some slut be entitled to my body

    • Having had sex before doesn’t make someone a slut and that way of thinking is a sign of mental illness.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • i dont know where you live but where i come from its not that hard to find them, just one thing you need to keep in mind and i heard it from an older lady she said its better to have a man who did it couple of time because when you first do it with him you will truly enjoy it and have the full experience.. this doesn't meant that a virgin man wouldn't know some educate them self but again nothing beats practical

  • there's plenty out there at your age, sounds like whom you are attracted to are the same guys getting the girls already... a common problem. So you have to:

    Be willing to try for other guys, including those not mature and confident and deal with that.

    Or accept some guys are farther along and deal with whatever feelings you have about that. That's a psych project you can watch videos, read books. reflect on your life and feelings and work on changing your view.

  • I feel similar way about non-virgin girls, you 18, not need to be desperate, look for a virgin guy. It's harder for a guy to find sex, so you can find virgin, nature adores a virgin trope.

  • Hard to tell if you're serious.

    I don't think it's ok to hate them since they didn't hurt you directly, or did anything seriously immoral to anyone.

    I think if you have just slightly less respect to them it's ok.

    And even on this site I've seen questions and answers about how crowds of chicks simped after religious virgin adult hot men who kept themselves for marriage with no girlfriends ever. Who then choose virgin women.

    • I am serious. By hate I just mean unable to pursue them in a relationship. I don’t hate them, I hate the fact that they are non virgins, I hate the fact that they’ve had sex with other women. it hurts me knowing a man I’m mutually interested in and would have dated has put his penis in some other girl even though it’s indirect. Not a big fan of men who have a ton of women interested in them either but I’d like to know where these hot religious men are though…

    • By definition in today's fucked up soyciety, being what should be normal and average is above average. So if you're attracted to him, then most likely "a ton of women interested in them" will happen.

    • I see the other opinion with disabled replies. I'd like to reply.. if a guy is voluntarily celibate, and is not an atrazine induced gay frog (raging male hormones) it's difficult to reject opportunities.. but evidently possible. So if he developed the discipline to stay virgin even while crowds of hot chicks simp for him, do you really suspect he is going to cheat when he is married and has children and pair bonds with the wife?

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  • Get laid?

    • I’m not giving my virginity to a slut.

    • Ok. Well, good news: There is absolutely no relationship what so ever between what I said and what you just said.

    • if I found a virgin to lay I wouldn’t be a virgin right now.

    • Show All
  • You have standards and preferences. You don’t hate men who don’t fit into them. They’re not for you.

    Personally I would pray and ask God to help you find who you’re looking for and if God has other plans to be able to accept it. But you do deserve a man with the same standards as you.

    Most people couldn’t really tell by looking at me. I’m a virgin. I have turned sex down by creepy weirdos. I don’t get why some men want virgin women but sleep around all the time.

    I am sure there is someone out there for you. Every time I think about having a soul mate I feel so warm inside and even tear up and I don’t tear up much at all. I just can’t. Not by choice but inability. But I won’t go there

  • You may not like this response, but it will definitely get you over your dislike for non-virgin men... join their club, stop being a virgin.

    Hire a male escort who will give you a fantastic first time. He'll take excellent care of you, be understanding and gentle, and you will undoubtedly enjoy the experience.

    • You’re right, I did hate this answer. I only get so many options though so whatever, I’ll think about it. lol

    • Sometimes, the best way to get over a dislike is to embrace it.

  • Flip over to the Lesbian world.

    • Then they’ve had lesbian sex, not virgins.

  • Is it just because they have more sexual experience than you or you just don't like the thought of a dick that's been in other women being put inside of you? If the latter, just wrap that wrascal and you have nothing to fear!

    • Both. I hate the idea of a man I’m interested being in another woman, I hate that he’d have more sexual experience than me, and I hate that he’s even love another women before me. If it was just sanitary I would have stuck a condom on some rando and lost it by now.

  • Babe, why do you want to date a virgin? I'll tell you what. You'll be that person first, but definitely, not the last.

    • Oh you are a virgin. The same will apply to you.

    • Everyone in my family with a happy marriage were each others first and lasts. On top of that why would I allow a slut to touch my body.

  • It is good that you have standards.

  • i dont think it is true

    it is much easier for women to get laid than men , which logically mean , there are way more virgin men than virgin women out there

  • To start with I was a virgin without a girlfriend until 27, so it's possible. Most of the time though, we aren't the guys who will approach girls, so you may need to find him and not hope he finds you.

  • Good luck with that.

  • Your view is highly irregular. Essentially no women think the same as you. From my experience most virgins prefer non Virgin men. So maybe just think more about it.

    Today's age you're either going to get a guy many girls want and he's not a virgin. Or you will get a man no women want and he is a virgin. Not really any other options.

    • I’ve thought about it since freshman year of high school, I don’t want to date some slut. I don’t want a man other women want, I want a man only I want who is also a virgin. Don’t know where you got the idea I like popular guys, they are the ones sleeping around. Just tell me where to find the men no women want who haven’t fucked around and I’ll be golden!

    • Well generally they are very fat, video game addict, chronic masturbaters with no social skills. There are tons of men like this who are virgins so you should have your pick.

    • I can handle all of that except the fat part, have any that are super skinny. He doesn’t even have to be muscular just very thin.

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  • This just sounds so dumb

  • Try dating someone from another country

  • You need help seek therapy

    • I hear a slut talking!!

  • They shouldn't be that hard to find

  • You are making the same mistake most people are making in general. The only way to find what you're looking for is through God, scripture, prayer, faith and other related aspects. Most of the collective is the complete opposite of what you seek but God is the only way. That's it.

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