Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I have 2 really close friends and for whatever reason, I just can't bring myself to finally admit that I went all the way with my boyfriend.
We had sex for the first time 3 months ago, but I'm still having a hard time admitting to myself that that happened, I somehow feel unclean.
I grew up in a cult that banned premarital sex, he respected my wishes, but at some point, I just wanted to do it and I like sex.
Still, it's so uncomfortable for me to admit to others that I had sex... Although it's not a big deal.
I've told them that he's gone down on me, that I love performing oral sex on him, and that we've basically done everything BUT vaginal penetration - why am I having such a hard time admitting it? I really want to be as free as I feel, but something is holding me back.
What Girls & Guys Said
22 49Why is it so important for you to tell them? Who cares.
I’m not going to ask your age but I got a feeling you aren’t old enough to drink yet.
I'm 22 :)
Alright this is a sign of deep insecurity. You are acting like a 15 year old. As long as you aren’t preggo or it was non-consensual who cares. Seriously. It sounds like you wanted this to happen anyway. Do you regret it or something? Nothing egregiously bad happened so don’t sweat it. Fortunately we don’t stone women to death nowadays if the husband finds out she’s not a virgin on her wedding night. Chances are it won’t be a big deal to your future spouse anyway. I know I wouldn’t care just as long she is faithful
Why do you feel you need to tell them? Not really their concern... but I can tell you if you wait until marriage it will be far better. The best gift you can give each other on your wedding night.
I grew up that sex before marriage was wrong and when I got married, I still felt like it was wrong... go figure.
Your friends already know you had oral sex with your boyfriend. I don’t think they’ll be shocked that you decided you wanted to have sex and lost your virginity.
Well, you just told us! You've got the car started and in gear, put your foot on the gas pedal!
Admitting it to your friends is not necessary and sometimes risky.
Because the ideas of that cult and Gaslighting that affected your mind to believe that some how it's unclean but you need to realize that there teachings are flawed and not healthy you need to give up these ideas of the cult for good you still need to heal from this stuff that happened to you as a child which will take time and therapy
Couldn't agree more - it takes time to rewire your brain lol.
I fully agree with you about rewiring your brain. I grew up in a cult e. g., no sex before marriage otherwise you are damned... divorce will send you directly to hell. After several years of marriage, I had to unwire my brain when my wife told me that she was not interested in marriage anymore because sh found another woman. I was so embarrassed because I was the first person I knew that ever got a divorce. I knew for sure that hell was my future direction. It takes years to unwire cult programming and Gaslighting. Take deep breathes and move forward one step at a time.
I never shared any details with anyone else about my sexual activity. It really is none of their business. you should keep it to yourself.
I think you're a good person, look, we all feel ashamed from something at some point, especially sexuality. I feel a lot of shame about it myself because it's mostly taboo. There's always the taboo thing about sex no matter what culture, and I think maybe because of the existential thing about it. Probably.
But then again, if you guys have good command on the pregnancy side of it. Sex is fun. Stop the guilt, live by the rule of fuck what they think.
Best to be straight with people and not care wtf they think. Sex is a completely normal human desire. If your friends judge you or are condescending towards you after you tell them, then they aren't real friends. Best to filter out the fake ones from the real ones. The sooner the better.
That's certainly true, it'll take a while until I completely stop caring about what others think, I'm not quite there yet!
It's just a saying. It's human nature to care what others think. Anyone who says they don't care at all is kidding themselves. However, you can aim to at least somewhat decrease the amount that you care of what others think. As long as you know what you're doing is not morally wrong (which in your case it isn't), it's better to just live life by your own standards and let the people that resonate with your personality and actions be drawn to you.
I couldn't agree more. I never understood why in my religion, having sex is considered a tougher sin than child sexual abuse. It's easier to prove that people you knew had sex (if you tell someone higher up that they spent the night together, it's enough) than to prove child sexual abuse. You need 2 witnesses for that. If I have sex, it doesn't hurt anyone.
My honest opinion... religion is a plague on the world. It's old and outdated and there's so much information we have access to nowadays which pretty much disproves it. I'm amazed it still exists in modern society. Not trying to "convert" you or anything, but you'd live a much more free and happy life without it.
I'm trying to leave the cult (haven't actively associated with it in months), but it's very difficult and will take time. I'm no longer religious, I believe in God a little, but nowhere near as strong as I used to and that's fine for me. I'd have converted to my boyfriend's religion if it had been advantageous, but since there are no benefits to it, I'll just leave my own religion and be done with it :) It's sad to see how many people let their own judgement be clouded by some charismatic person telling them what to do.
That's how it always is. Religion runs in families. If you were born in a different part of the world, your family would raise you with a different religion and you would believe in something different. All religions are human made. Why believe in crap that humans of the past made up? Anyways... I'll stop talking about it. I'm pretty hateful towards all religion haha. Hope everything works out on your end!
Holding you back are the teachings you were imparted upon during your childhood.
Sex is common.
Sex is natural.
Sex is legal between two consenting adults.
Just admit to yourself and don't have any conflicts within.
Also, you are not bound to tell it to the outside world that you had penetrative sex because that's none of their business.
If you were again in that situation, would you do the same again?
That's your business, not theirs.
Don't have to confess it to anyone.
You didn't do anything wrong.
I don't want to confess it, I'd simply like to tell them because it's a very positive thing for me! Also, I'd love to get their opinions and advice on some stuff.
In that case u should trll them.
Unclean is a bad description. Undesirable is a better description, at least if you intend to start a family. I would guess that many people realize this even if only slightly. This isn't necessarily because of some weird people with a virgin fetish, but because it will decrease the probability of a marriage with a different guy working out. The guy who suggested that you marry him is probably the most useful suggestion that I've seen so far.
To admit that you had sex with him is to admit that you're a less desirable candidate as a wife.
Okay.
You're not unclean, it's natural, so don't worry about that.
I'm not sure what a "cult that banned premarital sex" means because the idea of not having sex until you are married is not a cultish idea, it's a reasonable idea that many people subscribe to. However, that doesn't mean it is the only reasonable idea with respect to when it is appropriate to have sex for the first time in a relationship.
I don't know what age you are and my response really depends on your age. If you are under 18, I might give a different answer than what follows. But I will assume you are over 18.
It is perfectly normal that you like sex. This is a normal thing for humans. If it wasn't we wouldn't be here today. So don't feel guilty about those feelings, they mean you are a normal human being.
Undoubtedly your trepidations are a product of your upbringing and the idea that sex before marriage is forbidden. So it causes you stress and fear to go against everything your parents taught you. But if you are over 18, you are an adult now and you have to make your own decisions about life. That's scary, but we all have to go through it. You have to decide what is best for YOU... not what is best to please other people. That's a difficult process. Sometimes you find out that what others tell you works well for you too. Other times you find out that what they tell you is completely wrong for you. It's a totally new experience to become an adult and have to make your own decisions.
I can't tell you if what you are doing with your boyfriend is right or wrong. Only you can figure that out. But I can tell you that it is your decision to make and not your parent's. If you are an adult, you determine your own fate in life.
Stop overthinking what happened. You're sex life isn't their business anyway, and sooner or later they will likely assume you've had sex.
It would be kind of weird to tell them
Why do you feel an obligation to tell them anything? It is none of their business. They don't need to know.
Lol. I feel you. I don’t tell friends anything about my sex life. I can probably certainly say that none of my best friends even know who my first was. And honestly I don’t know half of my friends first either. I’ll talk about sex with strangers all day but not my friends. Maybe why I like coming on here to talk about stuff and just air stuff I’ve never said. I always found it funny that when I was with my longest time ex her and the girls of the group would talk in detail about sex they had that morning. How this or that felt... and us guys would talk about spots or getting drunk lol