I think I'm a lesbian, but I have a boyfriend?

I don't know what to do and I'm looking for some advice.

So I've always known I was at least bisexual, and I always felt it was easier to be intimate with girls rather than guys during my teenage years. I thought this was mostly because I was shy around guys.

But now I have a boyfriend, and I love him hopelessly. He is my best friend. Kissing him is fun, but it doesn't really turn me on. And it's like when we have sex, I enjoy it when he goes down on me and uses his hands, but having sex (which is painful a lot of the time) just feels sort of... wrong? And I can't stand blowjobs, and giving hand jobs disgust me as well.

Imagining women turns me on, and when I get too close to my female friends I find myself getting turned on too. Sometimes even the thought of my boyfriend having sex with other women turns me on.

I don't know what it is. We've only really done sexual things around 4 or 5 times, so maybe it's just getting used to it. And he's the only guy I've done anything with. I'm turned on by the thought of him, but when it's played out (even if its exactly as I imagined) I just don't find myself turned on enough to want to turn him on too.

Please give me some advice! I love him and he's my best friend, but could I be a lesbian?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think you need to talk about this with your boyfriend, first and foremost... should have confronted him about these feelings long before coming to this site to share... that’s step number one and figure out where you go... after that, you have to figure out what you like. I’m not particular about that lifestyle choice... but I’m not those kinds of people that will criticize or bash you for it. You have to live your life at the end of the day... my only advise for you, like I said... talk to your boyfriend and figure that part out first. Then go from there

  • You sound more lesbian than bi to me sorry to say, you need to just be honest with him and tell him what you just said here maybe give him a going away present that you can both enjoy give him that 3some and let him eat and finger your tight little pussy into orgasmic heaven as he and you pleasure the other girl him with his cock and you however you like to do it.
    I feel that if its done this way it shows him how much you really care for him, you break off as friends and you both get brownie points for making another woman happy. It's a win win win

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You could be genuinely bi. You mentioned that he didn't really rock your world in bed. Has this been the case with other men? Have you had any lesbian affairs or do is it more that sex with another girl sounds exciting. You're very attractive and I think potential partners of either gender would be willing. If you truly want to find out- but without anyone you know getting wind of it, there are many escorts that are lesbians or bi. In any case, good luck

  • You could be bisexual. For women i understand its much more common than for men to be bi. Most men are not bothered by it. And if you love him and want to keep him get used to sucking a dick if you want him down on you. You might need to spice it up and invite another female if its ok with him.

  • so can i just confirm you have romantic feelings for your boyfriend even if they aren't sexual and could you say those same types of romantic feelings might be possible with women too are is that interest solely sexual? i think it would help establish if this is indeed a case that you are a lesbian sort of trapped in a straight relationship with your best friend or if you are infact still just bi sexual and missing a bit of female company

  • It’s relatively likely that you’re both just inexperienced so sex with him isn’t very pleasurable yet.

    Imagining things and facing the reality of them is different. Often times it just takes awhile to be completely comfortable having sex, so you’re both in your heads thinking: “Is this right?” “Should i be doing this?” “Are they enjoying this?” Which kills the mood.

    On that, I’d just voice your feelings so he can voice his as well and it will help you two be more comfortable in experimenting and having fun without being to worried and in your heads.

  • holy shit! i think i am a lesbian too!

  • If you truly love him, don’t worry too much about it. Just work on getting the courage to open up about your sexual interests with him, which may or may not result in him breaking up with you.

    Although it’s rare, there are lesbians who have boyfriends. But then again you might be bisexual with a much stronger preference for women.

  • Yep you are a lesbian but you won't know till you give if a try

    And that's more important than your boyfriend relationship

  • Sounds like u need a experience with a female. I wouldn't talk to ur boyfriend about anything to u know for sure how u feel.

  • I don’t think this is being a lesbian or not.

    you don’t have an intimate connection with your boyfriend. That’s what matters and you should leave him. It’s simple be honest to him and yourself.

    You are definitely bi, but sex only works with a man properly if intimacy is there. Not care or friendship.

    you are lacking this.

  • Yeah, it sounds like you're a lesbian. You can love someone, and be close to them, and not be sexually attracted to them.

    It happens all the damn time.

    At least you're not married to him.

  • I'm sorry to be so direct, but you definitely should end your relationship and stop wasting your and your boyfriend's time. This will lead nowhwere for both of you.

  • I'm thinking you're homoflexible.
    Look it up.

  • Thats ok i think im a lesbian too. 😎

  • Ask your boyfriend if he would let another woman join you in bed together.

    Or ask him if he would enjoy watching you with another woman.

    I think most guys would jump at that fantasy!

    Who knows? This might be the BEST thing that has happened to your relationship!

  • You might be bisexual

  • You need to talk to him and tell home how you feel. People have so many issues cause they dont communicate with their partner. Tell him if you dont your gonna end up hurting him there's only one thing you can do in this situation and that be honest. Trust me he'll thank you for it later

  • Too bad, so sad

  • Your boyfriend will want a 3some fore sure.

  • If you attracted towards your boyfriend u are not lesbian

  • Plenty of lesbians have boyfriends. Don't be shocked.