I think she broke up with me because I didn't want to have sex yet. Would you agree?

[Anonymous]

I dated this one lady 2 years ago, and before I say anything else, just know I am over her and I'm not trying to get her to date me again. However, the reason I ask this is because I have thought about this lately. I am still friends with the lady in question here, and I am afraid to ask her this in person. That said: We went on like 6 dates, and I thought it was going great. I really liked her, and we had really fun dates, like going bowling and to a water park. We started kissing and holding hands during the 3rd date. I really thought she was happy too, and that I was gonna be with her for a while, but then she decides to break up with me because "she didn't feel the magic or the pull". We still are somewhat friends these days, and she's dated a few different guys since me. She's even told me about having sex with one guy and another one touching her boob, but no sex. At the time, I was a virgin. She was getting there, where I would've loved to hand my v-card to her, but I really didn't wanna rush anything, and I was kinda afraid to ask for sex. I had read before that, while every woman's different, they tend to wait until like date 10 to really want to have sex. But at the same time, I've also heard plenty of stories about women having first date sex. She never asked me for sex or anything while I dated her, but I'm starting to think that's what she meant by "didn't feel the magic or the pull". I will also say that I don't regret this, because my say matters too. Assuming that IS the reason she dumped me, if the person you're dating wants to wait it out a little before sex, that should be fine. Some people have sex on first date, others will wait until they get married. What do you think?

[Summeroflove]

If it’s all about sex… don’t be with them. Be careful some women are hypocrites and act like good girls. But they’re not and ladies there is men like thy js too.



Women typically have more shame when it comes to their sex lives. It’s not something they talk about much especially with men they’re not sexually active with.


They’re also very discrete sometimes when talking about sex and if you have a pure mind you could totally miss that they’re even talking about sex.


They don’t talk sex the way that men do…. Many are also very nasty behind closed doors about their partners.


Not all women are like this. Believe me. But you have to be careful. At least a whore whose honest about it. You know who she really is.

[Asker]

Strong answer, and I agree. People would fault me if it was the other way around, if I wanted it, she didn't, and I dumped her for it. So, when it comes to her, I have no regrets

[Summeroflove]

Good Asker. Find someone better. Sex is special and should be after marriage anyways

[Asker]

I wouldn't have minded doing it after a little while dating, but I agree that it is special, and I still wouldn't do it after a 1st date.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah even after the third date…. You can date a lot of people three times

[Lliam]

I think she was being honest about "didn't feel the magic or the pull".

She wanted romance; passion; desire. She wanted to feel like you craved her. She wanted to fantasize about having sex with you. But it sounds like you were holding back out of respect or timidness or lack of understanding or an inability to communicate honestly about your feelings for her, your desire, and your lack of experience.

[Asker]

I was very affectionate towards her at the time. I'd say I did everything except anything sexual. I was thinking something similar to what you just said though.

[itsalyssaagain]

She didn't dump you because you didn't offer sex.

The 'spark' kinda just comes naturally and she didn't feel it with you. That's all. And these things happen to all of us we just gotta move on...

[Summeroflove]

Seems it’s just purely sexual. Yeah sexual feelings that aren’t lust should take time to develop. She’s a whore

[itsalyssaagain]

Not a whore, but there’s either a spark or there isn’t.

[Anonymous]

From what I've experienced, when you start dating any girl, you should imagine a basketball shot clock ticking down. You have a finite time to turn your relationship sexual and if you wait to long you're out. With some girls, that shot clock can run longer (like the 10 dates you mentioned) but with others, if you're not progressing things between kissing/making out on date 3 and doing more than that on date 6, she's going to bail out. I think in your case this is exactly what happened. It doesn't necessarily mean that you needed to have full sex by date 6, but you DID need to up the ante from date 3. So you should've progressed to some HEAVY petting sessions at the least, and maybe some mutual masturbation or oral if you weren't ready for full sex yet. But you do need to advance the ball (or balls in this case!).

[Anonymous]

I think you are correct

When i was young maybe 16 i far similar experience

I didn't pick up on the clues

The girl felt rejected

I honestly was really into her

I just didn't know what to do