I was 9 years old and he was 14 when we did things?

[BrokenPromises]

I’ve let this bother me since I was 9 and I’ve never really spoken about it. When I have mentioned it to people the other year they’ve said ‘You were both kids’, ‘it’s in the past, let it go’ or ‘go to the police, see if there’s anything they can do’.
I lost my mum, grandad and uncle in 2001 (separate months). Then in 2002 I lost my next door neighbour who was only 13, she had meningitis; closest thing to a sister I had.
so as you can see, I was a very vulnerable child who had been through a lot as a child.
In 2002- my dads friends son who was 14, had me touching him inappropriately. He then put his hands down my pants, I remember it well.
How can a vulnerable 9 year old consent to that? I didn’t really understand what sex/sexual activities were. A 14 year old knows perfectly well what he’s doing, especially when they start going through puberty at that age.
In 2003- We moved into my dads friends house, we become homeless. My dad and brothers were/are completely unaware of what the 14 year old had done. One day he came up to me, looked down my top and said ‘you’ve got a choice, you meet me on the corridor in the middle of the night or I’ll come into your room and touch you in your sleep’. At this point, I panicked and told his sister and we both went straight to his mum. His mum just told him not to do it again, nothing happened.
So when I did try and tell an adult, she was useless. Just like her scummy son. Alarm bells should have rang when I mentioned her sons threatening to touch me in my sleep.

I thought I laid this down to rest the other year but its come back and messing with my head again. I want to hurt him for what he’s caused but I know he isn’t worth getting into trouble.
Do you think we were both kids and just forget about it or do you think I deserve justice?

[MrOracle]

What he did was wrong - but the time to address it with him is long past. You aren't looking for justice - you're looking for revenge, and while I completely understand why you'd want that, it wouldn't really make you feel any better.

You already figured out that the real problem wasn't the kid, but rather his mother, who didn't discipline him and let him do whatever. Hopefully, life has "corrected" the guy - and, yeah, it often does - but the mother who allowed it even after finding out about it would really be the one deserving of real punishment. But 20 years later, that's not going to happen.

I know that this caused you harm emotionally, and perhaps you need to get some professional help to get past it if you need to, but do NOT let yourself get caught up in being a victim. This person was mean and wrong, but you survived it and you are now a strong adult who would never let this happen to you, so you do not need to live as if you suffered permanent harm. That only hurts you.

Release this bad energy and move on from it. With help if need be, but realize you can't fix the past - only the present. If you think about it, chances are that kid suffered plenty on his own. He could be in prison right now for all you know. Put him out of your mind and live your best life.

[Anonymous]

forget about it please, and never think about it again.
I try to forget about a thing that I had in past, i am telling myself it was not real, it was like a bad dream iguess..
one of my aunts son who is 6 years older than me, and i was 6-7-8 i can't exactly remember.. he did things.. even put in my ass as i remember:/
it is like i got used to it that time, it effected me badly, i wanted to kill myself when i was 8 9 10... so so much... i took knife many times but couldnt kill, and i was crying many times...
i have to get rid of it, it was just a bad dream, it didn't happen, no no... i couldnt tell it anyone
im still trying to forget it, and i am trying to move far, where i can't remember those things, and where i am busy with my job.

if i kill myself, will it change? no, i shouldn't kill.
so life continues, i am sure he will be in hell since i will never forgive. I want him to die badly and have bad moments in his life till dying.

but i must be alive, and be a good guy... you should be good too :)

[OlderAndWiser]

Telling someone to "just forget it" is the most useless advice ever given. It is obvious that you can't forget it and, frankly, I'd be amazed if you could forget it. Have you ever had counselling for your sexual abuse?

[BrokenPromises]

When someone said that to me, I was so disgusted in her. I had bereavement counselling in 2019 (due to the losses as a child). I never actually mentioned what he did to me though. I should have mentioned it because I know it’s part of my childhood trauma :/

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, you need to resume that counselling and be more candid with your counsellor.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s a hard one (as had been said by others).

At 14 he knew it was wrong.

The bit that is not known is if he did similar to other girls (or boys) or if you were a one off and he stopped.

Ideally it should be reported, but I doubt you would get the justice you are looking for. Also if it was a one off he may actually be racked with guilt when he was Oder and more mature.

As mentioned, you should look at counselling, they would actually advise you far better than here.
Depending on counselling, they could also look at what the boy is currently doing and if any flags have been raised against him.

Have you spoke with him since then?

Really professional advice and counselling is best way to go.

[Born-for-sex]

I just don’t think you can get justice. Like everyone is saying you were 9 and 14. The older thing down the road was crappy and if you had expressed how much it bothered you and made enough noise about it he would have paid you justice but at this point I don’t think anyone can do anything and I bet he doesn’t even know that he bothered you so much. He probably rememberers it being a great experience for you both.

[Gosceewual]

Lol I guess I’m jus smarter than most kids cos when I was 9 n put my hand on a penis, I would know exactly what I’m doing

[Valnac]

Kids are curious.
I fingered a few girls in my teens, they all enjoyed it.

[BrokenPromises]

Yeah but was the girls also in their teens and knew what was actually going on? I don’t think you’re getting the point of he was a teenager and I was a vulnerable 9 year old..

[Valnac]

They were a year younger than I was

[harry7825]

What do you think about it

[BrokenPromises]

I feel disgusted by it. The fact he knew I was a vulnerable child who had been through a lot of trauma and he took advantage. I suffer with night terrors and I’m adamant it’s caused by my childhood, he’s most likely contributed to them.

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry to hear what you went through. I hope your hurt heals, and that you can find peace with the wrongdoer. It was a terrible thing for him to have done. Sexual impulses can be very strong and can lead us to even murder (was rewatching the Jodi Airias issue last night). But that's no excuse... Feel your pain!

[Anonymous]

I think there's no clear cut answer.
You deserved to be safe as a child and you're correct to not want to get into trouble over him now.
The only thing I worry about is if he has or is abusing others.
Hopefully he doesn't have kids if that's what he's like. Maybe he was even abused himself.
I'm sorry you were in such a bad situation.
Sometimes there's no good answer, but to take care of yourself.

[BrokenPromises]

He does have children, I only know so little about him; I refuse to acknowledge him. My brother talks to him now and again, my brother is oblivious with this otherwise he wouldn’t be talking to him.