I was raped brutally 2 years ago but now I am married and my husband is sweetest guy still I am not able to do sex what should I do?

I don't what's wrong but I am unable have sex we are married from one year he is very caring and gentle and he have not forced me ever but he tries to do sex but I don't know I am not able I am recovered from trauma of rape what should I do we have talked about it many times but I am not able to do it he always supports me
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Superb Opinion

  • If you've realized that a past sexual assault is interfering with your ability to bond with or be physical with a new partner, it’s possible that you have a form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Those feelings may not go away on their own, but a licensed mental-health provider should be able to help.

    How much you want to share with your partner about a previous assault should be totally up to you.

    This one is easier said than done, but a mental-health professional can help you gradually change the way you think about sex, both consciously and subconsciously. The goal, is to shift away from a sexual abuse mindset (in which sex is unsafe, exploitative, or obligatory) to a healthy sexual mindset (sex is empowering, nurturing, and, most importantly, a choice.

    Avoiding exposure to media that portray sex as sexual abuse.
    That may include television programs or movies that portray rape; pornography that depicts aggressive or abusive situations; and even news reports about #MeToo accusations. It can also help for you and your partner to use language about sex that’s positive and healthy, rather than terms like “banging” and “nailing” that imply violence.

    If people are struggling with intimacy, the first thing to do is really address the psychological symptoms associated with the assault.

    This may also be a time for experimenting with sensual self-care and masturbation, so you can rediscover the kind of physical contact you really do desire and enjoy. Do you satisfy your physical needs by masturbation? This can help you feel more in control, and more comfortable, incorporating these elements into your physical relationship.

    I hope I answered your question. Any queries? Please feel free to ask. In case you need any help in future just ask without fear 😊

    • My husband knows everything about it and he never force me I don't want to go to phycatrist

    • Np as you wish but you should.😊

Most Helpful Guy

  • I was molested when I was 12 by 2 older boys in the 12th grade and I had a real hard time with relationships until I found the only thing that helped me get over it and I had to find it on my own because I couldn't tell anyone about it what I found out that let me move forward and forget about it was you have to forgive them that is the only way you are going to be able to move forward and forget about what happened as long as you keep wanting to hurt that person you will always relive every second time after time all day all night all the time I know I have been there for far more years than you if you want to move forward and forget about it and I know you do then you MUST forgive him I know it sounds religious but I'm not talking about any kind of religion I'm talking about you your sanity your marriage how much longer do you think either one is going to last
    It's not going to happen overnight but tell your self that it wasn't your fault he was sick you did nothing wrong and its going to be hard but the alternative is loosing everything including your marriage and sanity I know if I hadn't of found a way to forgive my attackers I would have killed myself i wished for death thousands of times a day for many years so you have to do this or you will never lead a normal life again

Most Helpful Girl

  • Its sex. He doesn’t he need to have sex to love you. Right now you’re in a stage of healing and recovery, don’t rush yourself. It might be frustrating to go at whatever pace you are, but you’ll have people who will stand by and support you. Your husband has to be able to understand and respect that in order for you to fully heal, if you force yourself you might undergo a lot more trauma.

    • He loves me so much and he understands it but it's been a year

    • There’s a lot of hurt and trauma that occurs with rape. If it takes more than a year, it takes more than a year. His love will be willing to withstand that. If it takes ten years, it takes ten years. Sexual intimacy isn’t why he fell in love with you, it might be a nice bonus, but he will love you regardless. You should feel free to take all of the time you need.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 17
  • I'm so sorry for what happened to you. How much therapy did you have after you were attacked?

  • If you are recovered from the traumas, why are you not able to engage in sex? Either you are not really recovered or there is another (possibly related) problem.

    • I don't find any problem

    • So what prevents you from having sex with him?

  • Find a professional to talk to, you need help sorting through it.

  • talk to a therapist

    there isn't much we can do. sorry to hear what happened to you

  • Could be ptsd. Talk to a therapist, hon.

    • Don't want to talk to therapist some personal reasons

    • You may need to. Clearly there’s something unresolved.

  • So you're cool with him outsourcing that part of your role, aren't you? Being in love and understanding and supportive and all?

  • You need professional help (though you seem to be hesitant). It won't change till you address it. You need to muster up courage and go to therapy (together if that helps)

  • Why can’t you have sex? Was your vagina sewn shut after the guy that raped you fucked you?

    • I am not mentally prepared forit

  • Tell your husband that he might as well divorce you.

    • Why divorce we love each other?

    • You're not IN love with him.

    • I love him and he loves me

    • Show All
  • He knew it when he agreed to marry you. I understand you want to do it with him. I would try sex therapy or just general therapy

    • Yes he knows

    • Still therapy should help.

  • Did your husband know you were "raped" before he married you?

    • Yesss

    • Than he is a fool for marrying you.

  • sex therapy

  • you know what
    1) first try to masturbate using toys and get the fear out of your mind and
    2) then slowly with toy start imagining your partner but use your toy
    3) start watching romantic porn and with toy and imagination continue
    4) now use toy and control the insertion and fun stuff but this time let your partner handle few romantic things kisses and arousal
    5) as time passes shift everything on partner... it will work hopefully and if it worked for you just comment once.

    • I will thanks for your response

  • Your'e married, without sex

    Have you even told him you were?

    FOR FUCKS SAKE, WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID

    • Yes I have told him

    • Then how are you married, if you've never had sex

  • Jesus... you get raped and married within 2 years? How can you not get what's wrong? You need professional help

  • More counselling... and soon

  • He will eventually find it elsewhere or leave.

  • You owe it to your husband and your relationship to get counseling and figure this out before it ruins your marriage.