If a guy mentions sex during the early talking stage does that he mean he only wants sex?

I met this guy about a week ago.

He mentioned he's looking for a commitment and wants to settle down right off the bat and since then has been getting to know me.

he's asked all sorts of questions - what I look for in a partner, in a relationship, how I think finances should be split etc.

He listed why he’d make a good husband and one of his points was that he’d “satisfy his wife sexually”.

Since he’s mentioned sex already, does this mean he’s just trying to have sex with me? Or is he actually trying to start a relationship with me?
Updates:
+1 y
Guys thanks so much for your answers it’s very helpful. As a woman it’s hard to date because you never know when a guy just wants to use you for sex. You also don’t want to get attached to false expectations.
+1 y
Guys update, I told him I am not having sex until marriage and he's stuck around...
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Superb Opinion

  • No. If all he wanted was sex, then he'd steer every conversation towards sex or sexual things. Instead, this guy is literally discussing ALL of the relevant things that are important for a RELATIONSHIP, and sex is certainly among them.

    Guys who just want to bang you don't care how you split finances or what kind of job you have or any of that, and they certainly aren't trying to sell themselves as a suitable husband. And guys who want a relationship with you aren't going to completely avoid sex as a topic - sex is an important part of long-term compatibility, just like morals, values, finances, religion, marriage, children, family obligations, desired lifestyles, etc. Of course he wants to talk about all of those things.

    If you discussed his job and income, does that automatically make you a gold-digger? Of course not - what he does for a living/his income is an important factor if you would consider him for a long-term relationship/marriage, so just because that's a part of what you talk about doesn't mean you only want him for his money. But if ALL you talked about was where he was going to take you and what he was going to buy for you and what lifestyle he was going to provide for you, THAT would be a big red flag. See the difference?

    You should ALWAYS expect sex to be a PART of the discussion - but it shouldn't be MOST or ALL of the discussion; it should just be one component among many. That's how you tell the difference between a man who ONLY wants sex and a man who wants a real relationship. Guys who want relationships aren't asexual - they're always going to want sex too - but that's part of an overall package.

    • He could be lying about the husband thing to get me attached and have sex with him no?

    • It's this sort of thinking why a guy would split up with a girl he likes... Girls who hate sex and think it's an evil thing... It's stupid thinking... We want girls who get horny and Want sex too... Aswell as the other things in a relationship... Girls who think sex is evil aren't even worth getting in a relationship with

    • I love sex lol

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly if you only met this guy a week ago I would say he is coming on "TOO" strong, "TOO" fast and he needs to chill the yeck out!

    No I would not assume that he is only into you for sex, but he sounds like a pretty arrogant guy and that comes off as a RED FLAG to me. He must really think he is all that.

    Most those conversations do not happen until way later after the women has shown a serious interest and invested in a real relationship. With that said, sex is very important to me as a guy... so I try for feel a girl out in a delicate and charming way on her feeling about sex. Very honestly, I never get into the more serious stuff that this guy is talking about until we have had sex a few times and spent serious time together and reached a point that we both feel comfortable about talking about a serious relationship.

    This guy is moving too fast and it comes off as desperate to me... I would move on to a someone else, because if he is causing you any degree of anxiety at this early stage then he is probably not the guy for you.

    • You're such a man, honestly. I wish more men viewed things that way...

Most Helpful Girls

  • Not necessarily, especially your example is ok innocent/standard remark of what one wants in a relationship. Maybe a way of making sure you both want sex before marriage? I think at least this is a subject that can be good to settle if one is already talking about relationships anyway.
    I'd be more concerned if he tried starting an actual sex talk, asking about what you are into and so. For me I judge it to be the case if he does not take a hint and keep trying to bring up sex even if I shut it down previously.

  • Judging by the questions he was asking he is probably looking for a relationship. That doesn't mean he isn't looking for sex. Maybe is thinks beggars can't be choosers and will take anything you give him. For me, coming strong like that right off the bat, makes me wonder why is he rushing this? Is he desperate? Or is he not wanting to waste time with someone whose answers he doesn't like. Er, you didn't meet this guy on Tinder, did you?

    • Girrrrlll it got worse today and this isn't the first time a guy tries to rush things with me. We didn't meet off Tinder nope!

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What Girls & Guys Said

23 55
  • Not always, but it does mean it's extremely important to him, and it's good to make sure you two align.

    Sometimes libido mismatch can cause problems. It's a good idea to know if you and your partner will be sexually compatible.

    • True for me it would be a dealbreaker to be with someone with a low libido

  • It may have been a comment about how he really feels, but it could also be that he was hinting he would like to have sex early on. I would see how much more he mentions it, and if you want to wait for sex, see how he reacts to that.

  • I know this doesn’t seem right but I get turned off by that too. At least give it couple months to see if we get along…

  • I wouldn't worry much unless he went on and on about the topic and directly asked to “do” you

  • Trust me, if he's in your age range he's more interested in having sex with than he is in being your husband. He's just playing you. Young women like to have the commitment box "ticked", and now he's done it.

    • He’s 29

  • He's just making you aware that pleasing his partner sexually is important to him. That's a good thing in my opinion.

    • Yeah; I realized that after re-reading it.

  • No it doesn't. Of course a guy will want sex with the person he likes (unless he's asexual). Depends on the context if it's normal to say it out loud.

  • If a girl mentions money during the early talking stage does that mean she only wants money?

    • I'd take it as a red flag. Lol!

  • Seems he's getting to know you...
    Personally if the sex talk is too much let him know. But it's good to be able to gage whether you're compatible in all areas...

  • If a guy is interested in you, he's also interested in having sex with you. The hardest thing to discern is whether he wants JUST sex. If he's talked himself up as far as a being a good partner, then he has a lesser chance of being a user than if he just talked up how good his d, or tongue game was.

  • You never know. But guys will pretend to be looking for more to trick women into bed. So if your serious about finding out, make him wait. If it's about sex he won't work to long for it.

    • Perfect thanks

    • Very true a guy who just wants sex won't put the effort into wanting to be your boyfriend

    • Comments for pink machae

  • Him saying that about sex doesn't indicate either. Remember: all guys want sex. Some guys want a relationship too. It's impossible to find the answer through just talking to someone. You have to put in the time.

  • I like your question. Because I was trilingual to find out how to get to know a lady, even though I do want to have sex with her, and not make her think I just want sex.

    But someone pointed out, that if you are too polite you get friend zoned.

    So its a hard balance to find to admitting you want sex but you are serious about being with her.

    To answer your question, I think that guy appears to be a good guy from the fact that he is talking about the future, and not the moment. He could have asked direct sex questions instead but instead he mentioned relationship stuff. It sounds good right now, but keep an eye out for other signs.

  • Unless you are just one horny woman and you are as bad as him. You need to distance yourself from this person.

    • I agree

  • Sounds like relationship talk to me, he is listing his attributes, in every relationship there should be sex and its a topic that does need to be covered. I think the way you can tell is how he discusses it, if he's a bit crude and pushy then he's probably interested in only sex. But if it just mentioned in passing or in amongst other things then I'd say it's because he is seriously looking for a relationship.

  • It is hard to tell because a lot of men just want to use women for sex

    • Women use too men for just sex

  • Oh it's fine if he is just asking questions. It's good to know important stuff first. If he is just pushy for the sex but don't care about questions that are needed to know before starting a relationship that would be a red flag. But asking icebreakers on sexuality is pretty normal.
    I always ask what kinda things the person likes when it comes to sexually. Though I would never bring up us having sex together until she mentions it or makes it clear she wants that.

  • Obviously not, but it seems you do.

    As from all the talk he's done, that is the only word you seem to have picked up on.

  • Probably not. He's just finding out if you are interested in sex at al, because he (as a typical guy) is and would consider having sex with you when the timing is right. If all he wanted was sex, he'd ask you straight out, "Let's fuck!".

  • Not inherently no

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