I've been in 2 long-term relationships. I only did it for the guy though. I've faked orgasms just to get it done and over with, so he can be happy.
I'll be honest, I never cared about sex too much. Sure I'll do it for the man but if it was for me, I can go without it for a long period. If you were my partner would you be ok if I was just doing it for you?
I would really want my partner to feel the pleasure too. I would feel bad if it was just one-sided.
I would at least like her to be honest with me. I know that could be very difficult in this case (I totally understand) but my partner not getting anything out of it and keeping it to herself sounds really bleak, for her.
If it were me, I would prefer honesty. I wouldn't look down or be angry with a girl who never felt pleasure from her sex with me, but I'd like to think that we feel close because we trust each other. Trust is such an important thing in a relationship.
I would never be pushy, but I would try to understand a girl who feels that way, because I love her. I'd like to have an open talk about it. Like, why was this girl never interested in sex? I think most girls discover sexual pleasure from masturbation, before they have sex with another person. I would ask about her earliest experiences. Did she ever masturbate when she was young? From what I've heard most teenagers discover masturbation and it's where they get their first understandings of sex. Or did something painful happen a long time ago, etc? Just me trying to get a better idea.
So I'd guess I'd talk to her about her past life and try to understand why she might get no pleasure from sex now.
It really has nothing to do with the man. I just have little desires, little interest for sex overall. It's not something I even like doing but will do it for the man.
I understand. I think it's great that you have love in your relationship even if you don't enjoy the sex. And I do understand that your lack of desires have nothing to do with the man. Have you ever been curious why have no desires?
Honestly, I was with a woman like this... off course I did not realize it until after two years of marriage. But hay, I was in love right. I was 20 years old, and the idea that women faked it, was completely unbelievable to me. So, all the things she did while dating me and then in first year of two of marriage was kind of a lie... like false advertising and I fell for it hook and sinker.
But yeah, she ended up being like you describe and honestly, I was in love and for as long as she kept doing it for me, I managed with the situation... but eventually she started doing less for me and that is when resentment and frustration started sinking in. Because for me sex went from being great to less and less desirable to me with her. But I still loved her and never cheated.
I was married to her for 24 years, and it was toxic and terrible relationship for a long time, for more reason than sex. If was just sex, maybe it would have been more manageable... but honestly there were so many issues...
In the end, honestly, I would never be in another relationship where she did take as much pleasure out of having sex with me as I did with them. I tried and failed and will never want to do it again.
I've always been very low in sex drive (it's not something I care too much, never did) but neither of those 2 guys found out. The only reason I was doing it for often in the beginning was only for the guy but at some point when you're doing something you have little to no desires, you can't keep up with the pace anymore. I couldn't keep up with the pace, it's like doing a job you don't want to do too much.
I'm actually going to get seen by a doctor to see if there are medications that can elevate my sex drive. It's a lot lower than even the average woman to be honest.
I think you should explore the why and reasons, a doctor or therapist might be helpful in this regard. I mean some people are who they are. And there are men out there just like you, so you might be a perfect match for someone like that. But I have a high sex drive and healthy libido, so yeah you are right... at some point you just lack the desire and loss the motivation to want to try. This leads to problems if you are not honest about it from the start. But it is also possible that you just have not found the right guy yet.
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yeah I have a low urge for sex. I just don't feel like having sex but have to do it in a relationship. Oh well.
I feel the same. I could live without it but when i do it, i dont fake it. Even if they hit the right spot, im never fully satisfied so it’ll always be overrated
I'm trying to figure out what's so great about it? I can go on a romantic date with a boyfriend, walk in the park and kiss for the longest though. I have no problems with the romantic, nonsexual aspect. I love that. It's a different story with sex.
For me, personally no, because I know what orgasm is like when PeePee is inside of a girl. I mean would you be happy if your guy put the whole Hollywood acting show that he is cumming and yet nothing happened and you KNOW IT lol. Be honest with him, tell him that you Do like when he is having sex with you and tell him it is ok that you don't orgasm during sex. If your B. F. is a Good hearted and kind man, watch him trying to figure out how to make you orgasm lol. I'm sure you have never seen how man operates when they really trying to get something working, the process is amazing. He will be experimenting with you using his hand and physical tools and all that will be done in the name of making you finish ever single time.
I would rather that you be honest wth me than to learn that you are a liar.
As long as you're not a dick by telling me this, then I won't want to be with you anymore. You know, you don't have to tell your partner everything you think... You really don't. There has been this misconception that in order to be honest you have to say everything that's on your mind- you don't.
I could tell my girlfriend that I enjoy going down on her, but it's really fkin crappy for her to not return the favor, but I don't because I know it wouldn't make her feel good- and it wouldn't get us to the point where we're having sex by putting pressure on her.
There are many things that girls can think that guys don't want to know. If your former partner was better in bed/ bigger we don't want or need to know that. If you wish we were taller, richer, better looking, etc. we don't need to know that. If you tell someone something you can't take it back- they can't unknown it, and it seems that you just want to stop having sex and want to shame the guy into joining you for that by you telling them that you don't enjoy it- then gaslighting them for reacting poorly because "you're just being honest."
No guy is going to take this well.
A lot of wisdom there. I have said before if men and women truly understood each other than the world birthrate would plummet.
My issues isn't about the guy. I'm the one with hardly any urge for sex. I just don't desire it too much nor feel the need to but if he wants to, then ok. It's when he wants it more often that I don't know how to continue to keep up with that pace, doing something I don't have desires to nor enjoy that much.
You've already asked the question before, and honestly you need to think of what is your objective in this. Nobody cares that you have a low sex drive, we really don't. If your sex drive is well below average then that's going to be a problem for you in relationships, as guys will want it and they'll want you to enjoy it. You have two choices (minus whining about it on here): (1) have sex anyway, and make it a part of what you're doing for him, in the same way cooking would be, or (2) tell him you don't enjoy or want sex, and have him leave you (like the last guy). There is no third option, where you tell him your thoughts, and he only has sex with you once a month, AND he's okay with it. You can do a lot of things to make sex more enjoyable for you. You can also do a lot of things to raise your sex drive, including exercising more and improving your diet. You may even benefit from going to therapy to see if there are any mental issues you have revolving around sex that is impacting your desire to have it. Lastly, there are medications that can remedy it, because sex is an absolutely vital aspect of relationship- if it's not good the relationship isn't going to work out.
I would be more bothered by the lying than by the fact that you can't enjoy sex, but two guys didn't notice it, so it looks like you are good faker, but why did they left you if they didn't found out about it? anyway I have some mix feelings about that, on one hand if a girl can enjoy sex it's better, on the other hand if a girl have sex to make her partner happy even though she don't enjoy sex it's fairly selfless, and I can appreciate that. Yes I would be okay with my partner doing it just for me, bad sex is still better than no sex, I can be with such girl even if she don't fake enjoyment, dead fish? as they call it. Some guys might prefer a girl who fake it over a girl who just lie back and think of england, myself I not sure.
Even though they never found out, I got tired of the sex frequency at some point. We started having sex less. At some point if you have a very low urge for something, you want it less. And we had other differences too.
So you not able to keep up, well in that case it's more of a problem than the faking.
nope
don't want nor need any of that dishonesty
That shit is no fun for me. I can tell when the chick is not really enjoying it, and it makes me feel so awkward. So I'll stop the sex and ask if I can go down on her, she usually is cool with it and after she cums she's in a noticeably better mood.
You just doing it for my sexual needs is fine.
I'd rather you just explain you don't need an orgasm but you like giving me sex and you're happy for me to make a pig of myself instead of faking an orgasm.
I'd be unlikely to be fooled by fake orgasms. You can quite simply feel the vaginal spasms on your cock. Some girls are stronger than others, sometimes it can be ambiguous or doubtful but mostly not
I'd want you to tell me if you are wanting an orgasm.
I'd also want to know whether orgasms just aren't that important to you or whether you have trouble orgasming. I would probably be concerned if you don't get much out of it, you might start shutting up shop after a while.
Everything would be OK if it is all honest.
I am curious though. Do you not feel much need to orgasm? Or orgasming every time we have sex is excessive?
Nope, I don't feel any need to orgasm. I don't have too much urge for sex. It's not something I would ever go crazy but most of you men are into that, oh well. Though at some point, I might do it less. It's hard to keep up the rhythm with something you don't even desire too much nor have too much interest in.
There is a strong instinctual need to have sex for men. As soon as we hit puberty we start getting erections over girls and we feel a need to use our erections. I have to be honest. I do think it will be a problem if you are not willing to have sex with your guy. It is one thing for sex to not be that important to you but still accommodating his needs but another if there is no or infrequent sex. I do see your point that it is difficult to get into the rhythm of something you are not all that interested in or want to do. I don't want to probe you but I do wonder if you have had good sex: orgasmed etc etc. Is there anything you like and find rewarding about sex like feeling close to your partner? I don't mean romantic stuff, I do mean sex. Like you might simply enjoy giving your guy pleasure.
It’s okay from time to time, but that should definitely not be a regular experience. It’s pretty obvious when a woman is faking it, honestly
I’ve heard of faking it. But how do you fake it?
I tried my best. I tried to imagine what it would be like enjoying sex and having an orgasm. I do all that without ever desiring sex that much. It has nothing to do with the guy. If it was for me, I would have as little sex as possible and wouldn't mind at all.
Do you prefer masturbation over Sex?
Yeah I prefer that over sex. I don't do it too much though, just twice every every two weeks. I just happen to have a very low sexual drive.
I would prefer you're actually enjoying the sex. After all that's why we're having sex.
It's hard to enjoy something I just naturally never desired that much. I'm just doing it for the guy because you guys are so much into that but I don't care about it to be honest.
Which would make it less enjoyable for me.
Best not to tell him, its great you want to please him though
yeah I don't desire sex too much but oh well if that makes a boyfriend happy fine. Neither of those two bfs ever found out I don't care for sex. I don't think asexual is the term though. I'm feel attraction towards men, still like being in a relationship, like the romantic non-sexual aspect (making out, going to the park) but have little to no desires to have sex.
Well I'd say then get the most out of what you can in the relationship, I mean you are doing something you have no desire to do so I say make sure he does something to earn point to get it. In the end most women are like that even if they are sexually active. So get what you want from the relationship and he will too
While I appreciate you wanting to please me sexually, that's NOT the basis of a healthy long-term relationship. Communicate your feelings and resolve this problem.
No I hate dishonesty in all forms
I know but it's hard finding a man that would be ok with a woman that has little to no real desires of having sex, that would likely only do it to have a kid and then no other reason. If it was up to me, I would happily go without it for the longest but then I wouldn't have a meaningful relationship. I still want a relationship but have little desires for sex.
You need an older man
I’d probably just be like let’s just give each other oral personally and then see how it goes
Hope he doesn’t find out. Only rapists want undesired sex
yeah neither of those two long-term bfs ever found out about my lack of desire to have sex.
Could you go forever without sex?
Well I want to have a kid one day. I wouldn't mind using sex to get pregnant and then afterwards if it was up to me, I would go for a long time without sex.
No, it would suck
You're asexual. And no, it would not be ok. That's a deal breaker.
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