If my partner masturbates to other women does that mean he's not attracted to me?

Obviously the thought of him masturbating to other women bothers me. He lies about it, says he doesn't do this. But i've seen some nudes come up before on his computer, and by nudes i mean online porno models. I think a lot of women feel the same way, that they are being deceived if their man gets off on other women. I've read into it and came to find that most men do this and many will lie. I have tried to accept it. it just bothers me as he doesn't initiate or want sex with me much at all. He absolutely never gets a boner, ever. He is over 50 so you could chalk that up to ED. maybe watching porn helps him feel better about himself? Also we've been together a decade and a half so obviously things aren't very exciting in the bedroom. But it goes both ways though!

I am attractive, like I am super in shape and I have guys lined up to date me. I don't mean to sound arrogant, it's just the truth. I see he looks at a lot of women with big boobs and mine are really small. so that is definitely an insecurity of mine, and it has gotten worse because i see he likes big boobs. This adds to the fact of me thinking he isn't attracted to me. Though he does TELL me he is.

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Superb Opinion

  • I can't speak for your guy so i'll just tell you from my point of view. First of all i find a huge variety of body types attractive. within reason. big tits, thick thighs and a big ass are just as hot as small breasts and a petite frame to me. So if you think you're hot, he probably thinks you're hot too.

    That said, even though it doesn't seem like it a lot of the time, men are very mental creatures. like women are. just not in the same way. While women typically get turned on by a lot of romance and sweet gestures and things like that. Which mostly jive with a feeling of being cared for and looked after. Men get turned on by explicit and slutty things. Because that jives with our desire to feel like we are dominating or conquering something.

    If you do some research and watch some porn yourself you will see this trope is damn near universal. at least for the type of porn most men like. it satisfies that fantasy of basically being the fucking shit to the point that women just want to bang you left and right.

    There's a reason that trope is so common in porn and why it appeals to males as much as it does. And I can tell you, if he's masturbating to it he doesn't have that much of a problem with ED. he has a problem with being made to feel like he's a fucking stud and a conquering hero.

    Does that sound lame? Well all that high romance and sweet stuff sounds pretty lame to us too. we just have differences in the kinds of things that really turn us on.

    If he's lying to you about the porn he watches that could mean a few things. Like i said I'm not him and can't speak for him. But if i was to venture a guess, he probably gets the sense from you that you're really, REALLY not into the same kind of shit he's into which is why it's hard for him to be intimate with you. He wants a type of sexual relationship with you that he feels you can't or won't provide.

    Ask yourself this, how willing are you to try and be more like the kinds of fantasies he sees in the porn he watches? I don't know what that is but it can be some pretty raunchy shit. Are you ready or willing to do that for this man?

    Because if not, my advice is to just let him enjoy his porn in peace.

    • Thanks for your answer, makes a lot of sense. I don't know what he looks at, he is very cagey with his computer. Actually I've never found him to watch actual porn, i've just came across some still images of naked women, like one's that are literally copyrighted from a website. big boobs, big ass, etc, airbrushed, etc. We were always sexually compatible so i'm sure its more of being bored of the same familiar thing than me not wanting to participate in his fantasies. Actually, he has never expressed any fantasty to me. So i don't even know how I would know what he desires in that sense. If he has some fetish i don't know about it. He is very private. If I suggest something different he would be game. But he's never suggested anything different to me

    • Everything is copyrighted from somewhere. Unless he has his own studio and taking his own pictures of women he hires, literally everything you get off the internet is copyrighted. That's doesn't really matter though because it is extremely easy to copy images. literally just right click and save. Video is pretty easy too but it just takes little bit more effort to download the right program and THEN click and save. If he's having trouble opening up about his fantasies to you, he's probably scared that you're going to think negatively of him and want to leave. He's probably already very scared of losing you being that he is literally what, about 25 years older than you? If you're up to it. and really willing to try. I recommend this. Try hitting on those centers of the male brain that get us really turned on. Slutty, yet submissive, like his cock is a god and you're there to worship it. Look around online for some slutty clothing. clothes like that fit really well on hot women so if you're really hot like you say then you should be able to pull of just about anything. Make him feel like he's a man. make him feel like he's the king and no other man could possibly get you off the way he can. If you do all of that and it still doesn't work. then unfortunately there might be a real problem in the relationship. that might require professional help from a therapist. which sucks but if you guys are really in love it's worth doing what it takes to make each other happy. My advice for that situation is this. try not to attack. try not to belittle or shame him for liking the things he likes. Instead you should be trying to understand what he needs and figuring out how to provide that. And he needs to do the same

Most Helpful Guy

  • To answer your question directly: No--it does not me that he's not attracted to you. This is easy to prove. Just take yourself out of the equation. Suppose he's jacking off to a Playboy model today. And tomorrow he jacks off to an OnlyFans model. Does that mean he's not attracted to the Playboy model? Of course not. The fact that a guy finds one woman attractive IN NO WAY diminishes the attraction he feels for another girl. The flip side is that the fact that a guy is attracted to one girl IN NO WAY diminishes his ability to be attracted to another girl.

    How regularly are you having sex with him? This is something you NEED to do often or it WILL fall by the wayside over time. You've been together for 15 years? How has your weekly sex average changed over that time?

    • obviously at the beginning was often and then when years went by more and more infrequent. He really does not want sex much at all, and years back I was concerned about this. But it just seems like it is his norm. Either that or he has a porn addiction. I kind of just adapted to his ways. I always had a higher sex drive and thought something is wrong when he showed no interest.

    • It's probably partly getting older, but I wouldn't discount the likelihood that porn addiction plays a role as does you (both) no longer making sex a priority.

Most Helpful Girl

  • 25-29 and with a 50+ man and expecting ANYTHING good?
    fucking troll shush

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 6
  • In my mind that is cheating he is getting off mentally with other girls and not you on am emotional level especially if you don't like it. It is sadly normal now a days though I wish it wasn't. Also he is probably still attracted to you but you can easily become addicted to porn and it's a proven fact you watch too much porn your brain gets trained to watch those pixels over the real thing.

  • No, it doesn't. Are you getting all you want? If he's needy and you aren't accommodating then masturbation seems normal.

  • He’s not as sexually into you as others. You said it’s not exciting anymore right?

  • Not at all. Every guy does that. It’s always going to happen if you know about it or not.

  • 95% of guys that are attracted to their partner watch porn.

  • Not really.

  • no they all do it no matter what they say

    • men :/