If someone is blackmailing me to sleep with them what can I do?

I recently got married to my boyfriend after we’ve been together for 4 years. I can not imagine a day without him but someone is blackmailing me with a video in return for sex. I simply do not wanna have sex with him because i am married, i come from a conservative family, and i simply do not wanna sleep with him. The blackmailer told me i want it “consensual” for as far as consent goes he is threatening me but he gave me the choice to have sex or basically ruin my life. I do not know what to do and i am scared of reporting him he is a privileged rich man and has nothing to lose, while i have everything to lose. HELP.
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Superb Opinion

  • You need to confide in a trusted friend or close sibling. From what you explained you have been with your Husband for 4 years prior to being married. So I assume the video was made prior. The Blackmailer evidently was not in the video, but he had access to it.

    Your friend or sibling needs to be able to help you record the Blackmailers intention. That is evidence you will need when it eventually comes down to a legal process. It may simply be a civil suit that you file if he indeed blows up your marriage. It does not matter how privileged he is, he is the one putting things our there. As a matter of fact he has a lot more to lose than you if this goes public as he is stating he will do.

    Trying to force someone to have sex using any means possible is not something a person of high esteem should be trying to do to someone. He is sick.

    Bottom line however is that this video is out there. You did not disclose if you knew it was being made or not. The hardest part of this entire situation is one day sooner or later the truth is going to come out. You made it at a young age from your profile and timeline you provided. Many young people have made this same mistake not realizing how it could impact the future.

    You never shared this information with your Husband, most everyone I have ever met would have done the same thing as you did. But wanting a life together forever will be tough with this damn thing hanging over your head. It will be a tearful thing to do, but you need to find the courage to be able to share this with him.

    You were young and did a stupid thing. You are ashamed of it today. It was probably just a thrilling to do at a moment when you were not thinking clearly. If you do not clear the air, your marriage is always going to have a cloud over it.

    Please tell me more if my assumptions and timeline are not right. I will gladly stay in touch here if I can be of help.

Most Helpful Guy

  • While everyone's mentioned getting evidence, going to police and so forth.

    Check your local laws about recording (wiretapping). Even if one person consent is all which is required for audio recordings where you live. There's often exceptions about one person consent. ie If you record surreptitiously because you believe the person is going to incriminate themselves. That recording may be inadmissible. So, go to the police and they can do it properly. Laws are even stricter about video recordings done surreptitiously. The last thing you want is tons of evidence which is all fruit of the poisonous tree.

    If the police aren't acting. Hire a private investigator. As they'll know the laws on how to lay a trap for them. The PI will pay off with the lawsuit you'll be making next anyways.

    Besides the legal consequences. You can also sue the bejeezus out of him for blackmail. Rich guy equals payday. He'd likely settle to keep it out of court and the press.

    So, if anything. You don't want to scare him into backing off. You want to set a trap. One which is admissible in court. To damn himself.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I smell something fishy about this post. There's more to this you're not telling us.
    Don't get blackmailed -- tell your hubby, or tell the authorities. Let "him" try to "ruin" your life -- I mean how's he gonna do that? And how can it be "consensual" if he's blackmailing you? - that's fundamentally contradictory.

  • You need to tell your husband first off. This only gets uglier if you sleep with the guy... what happens if he video tapes that? Geez don't respond to that guy any more.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 44
  • Secure as much evidence as possible in the most preserved/unaltered way possible, report the crime to law-enforcement, and recruit your husband to join forces by honestly & transparently disclosing all to your husband.

  • Your only option is to get evidence and document his threats so it can be well tied back to him, voice, video, text, recorded call, and as much as you can document on him and then file a police report. It can constitute sexual blackmail and there are laws against harassment and sexual coercion as a form of attempted assault. It varies from state to state. Better yet, have law enforcement be there as you communicate in a sting. They will get the evidence and he will be done, no matter how rich and powerful.

    You must take him down because even one time having sex with him won’t be enough. He will hold you to it anytime he wants or else humiliate you.

  • Wow, a rich dude blackmailing a married woman... that must be embarrassing for him.

    Talk with your husband and report it to the police. Be sure to have the evidence ready.

  • What is shown on the video and how old is it? How old are you now?

  • Don't do it! Also how bad was the video?

  • Blackmailing is illegal! Even if you have sex with him once what is to keep him from wanting it again and again? I would confide in your husband.. our pasts are our pasts. If need be report it to the cops.

  • Blackmail is only as strong as the information he holds on you if you make that information worthless then he has no hold.

    Tell your husband first try and soften the blow as much as possible.

    I'm assuming the blackmail is a sex tape so if he's recorded you before what's saying he won't do it again and this time it would be proof your cheating on your husband, so what does he ask for next for you to leave your husband and move in?

    Also remember if you can get in there first you can down play what the blackmail is meaning people will be less inclined to listen to him

  • What's in the video? How would it ruin your life?

  • its police matter really and do consider the fact that someone with status and money won't want the scandal. i hope you get it sorted but also if the vid was from before you married then you could be honest with your husband

  • You are married.
    You know the right thing to do.
    STAY FAITHFUL.
    This is a crime... it is called extortion.
    Go to the authorities.

    • ps - What is this video?

  • Whatever you do, do not give in to his blackmailing. Best thing to do is to talk with a trusted female friend about what to do. She may suggest you tell your husband about it. If the video was before you were together, your husband should understand.

  • If you sleep with him, that is just one more thing he can use to blackmail you with in the future to threaten your marriage.

  • If he's a privileged rich guy he's got way more to lose. His ego won't admit he's vulnerable. Talk to the cops. If it's under duress then it's rape. If it's blackmail it's aggravated rape.

    Tell the cops. Ask them to monitor your phone, email etc from him and be strong. Tell your husband. He married you so even if it hurts him to hear about something from before you married him he'll likely stand by you. Frankly if he doesn't he's probably not someone you want to be with anyway.

    You actually have the power here. Any blackmail is only effective if you're scared. A while ago someone tried to blackmail me with a photoshopped nude of "me". I refused to pay them and offered to send it to the cops myself as evidence of an unsolicited nude picture sent electronically. That's illegal pretty much everywhere.

    They backed off

    Bullies (and blackmailers are nothing more than that) have no power except your fear.

    So use your power and end this guy.

  • Don’t give in to him. You need to tell him you won’t do it. If he persists, tell your husband and the police. He may not want to take it that far. Everyone makes mistakes and your family loves you and would forgive you. The rich man must be sick to try to force a woman into sex.

  • You should report it to the police, they will put cameras in your home or apartment to see if they can catch the culprit also they may make you meet this person and law enforcement will be near you and take him into custody

  • Blackmail is illegal and is reportable your husband should be brought in on this.

    But this is definitely something that should be reported.

  • Tell your husband and then don't fuck the blackmailer?

  • What were the wedding vows your boyfriend gave you..

    "For better or for worse"

    You need to tell your boyfriend that you are being blackmailed...
    About everything...
    Hold the truth.. And trust me..
    That rich man will destroy your life..
    He will..
    It will die for a second.. But you upholding the truth.. Will revive the bond with time..

    Although it does depend on what you did that you are being blackmailed for..

  • Record him saying the threat and making his demands, then tell him if he shares that video, that you will report him to the police for blackmail and attempted rape, and share your recording online to make his life ruined as he will get pegged as a sexual predator.

    If he shares the video online, make him famous, ruin his life in return with the recording of his blackmail, threats, and demands.

  • It's better to face the truth, he could blackmail you again and again if you let him. Who says he won't disturb you again after you give in the first time?

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