If someone only ever has sex when they are in the mood & will not do it when not in the mood just to make their partner happy, is this uncaring?

[Anonymous]

[Lliam]

I think it is self centered for a woman to be unwilling to generously grant her man's desire at times. It's equally selfish for a man to refuse to satisfy his woman's needs, even if he isn't in the mood or is too tired for a full session of intercourse. People can use their mouths, hands or other things to pleasure each other. People do lots of thoughtful things for each other. Why is sex any different?

People who aren't willing to do that either only care about themselves or aren't into each other. But don't jump to conclusions. Read further for an explanation of what I mean.

A guy has to get hard, so it's a problem when he's not turned on enough to fuck, but he can do other things.
On the other hand, a woman has a hole. She doesn't necessarily need to be turned on to put it to use. That's a fact. Millions of women have sex regularly when they aren't turned on. They may just need a bit of lube to get started. Okay, some women, especially if they are older, may need lots of lube.

Seriously, there are women who can smoke a cigarette or text while getting drilled. And what about prostitutes?

I think it's fucked up for some women to claim that they have a right to receive equal pleasure every time their pussy is employed. Actually, they DO have a right. Nobody has an obligation to be on call 24/7 as a sex bot. But the indignant attitude I mentioned may indicate some serious resentments or inhibitions.

But I believe that it has to be a two way street. If she gives a BJ or grants a quicky, he needs to be equally eager to do things just for her on other occasions. That's what two people who care for each other do. It should be fun to make one's partner the center of attention and bring them to ecstasy. And, yes, lots of long, mutually gratifying sessions of euphoric, orgasmic sex are most important.

A lot of women like the feeling of their partner's cock inside them, even when time doesn't permit foreplay and a long session of carefree love making. Some even find it thrilling or at least flattering. They know what their pussies are for and don't mind granting their partner access on occasion. For example, spooning first thing in the morning and getting porked. Or letting their man playfully fondle their tits and bend them over a counter or piece of furniture for a spontaneous fuck. There's no law that says a woman has to have an orgasm every time she has sex. Sex doesn't always have to be lovey dovey. Sometimes it can just be a really fun recreation. Or it can be a gift from one to another.

I'm saying this from the perspective of having had quite a few girlfriends in my life. Every one of them was up for a BJ or quicky on occasion. They didn't feel "used". They didn't feel resentful. They were happy to be so desired and admired.

None of this is to say that a woman is required to be available whenever their partner wishes. A man has no "right" to use her body. Sex is the greatest and most intimate thing to people can share. They do it out of love, not obligation. It's a gift.

[DaveJord]

Honestly if your in a situation were everything only happens on their terms, then I would start looking for a better person. People who do this with sex, usually allows it bleed over into other areas of their lives. Over time the relationship suffers and they never take any reasonability for their actions because you already accepted and allowed it to continue.

So I see it as a means of control, that establishes that principal that everything only evolves around their moods. For example you have met people who claim they are not morning people... well that maybe, but its not an excuse to neglect or treat others unkindly just because you're grumpy in the morning.

Maybe a good boneing on a bad day would change their out look on life.

[muscularbumblebee]

No not at all? I wouldn’t expect my partner to be forced to have sex with me if he wasn’t in the mood lol and same with him to me.. on the other hand I’d just wonder why he isn’t in the mood, is it stress? Tiredness? Or me? Also if someone has sex when they aren’t in the mood it’s pretty obvious and ruins the other persons mood no matter how much you fake it..

[Asker]

I realize I may have asked the question the wrong way. Do you think that people might think that i meant always doing it when not in the mood? I was thinking sometimes but not always because it would not be right to have someone do this on demand but I do believe that at least sometimes compromising is important What are your thoughts

[jazmiine]

If the partner is not in the mood I think both of them will just torment themselves if they proceed because it will not be enjoyable. What kind of partner will disregard the feeling of the other. It can be done however if the one who wants it can make the one who is not in the mood "be in the mood".

[PrettyPriya]

No, that isn't uncaring. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to. That would be the uncaring thing.

[Asker]

but isn't doing things only when it is convenient also uncaring?

[PrettyPriya]

So, if I am inconvenienced (as you state) I should just do it because you are owed it or what?

[Asker]

I realize I may have asked the question the wrong way. Do you think that people might think that i meant always doing it when not in the mood? I was thinking sometimes but not always because it would not be right to have someone do this on demand but I do believe that at least sometimes compromising is important What are your thoughts

[PrettyPriya]

Sure. Relationships are all about compromising. Honestly, I have yet to run into this problem with my SO. I typically initiate intimacy. He doesn’t really ask for it. Out of complete respect, he waits until I’m in the mood. We both work, have lives and get busy. When the time is right, we do it. If not, we don’t. It is really about respecting your partner.

[Asker]

If you weren't in the mood, would you allow him to get you in the mood by turning you on? That way you would actually want the sex with the only difference being that it isn't spontaneous in terms of the arousal happening on its own without stimulation?

[PrettyPriya]

If he wants to get me in the mood, by all means I’m okay with that.

[Xoxocutekitty]

You know monogamy is based off of the idea of NOT being with other people.

It does not entitle you to their body whenever you damn well please.

Being exclusive doesn't mean you get to tell them what to eat, whether or not to take birth control, how they shave, or whether or not to shower everyday.

Yes you can break up with people over these things but you can't MAKE someone put anything in their body they don't want to (even body parts).

[bamesjond0069]

If you're not entitled to their body, how are they entitled to reserve and control yours? "No" is a free pass to go out and sleep with someone else and its not cheating.

[zeitgeist057]

@bamesjond0069 lol but they "want the cake and eat it too". Don't want to drive the car, but don't want anyone else to, either. Just want to keep it locked up in the garage brag about.

[bamesjond0069]

@zeitgeist057 exactly.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Absolutely not lmfao

[Asker]

I realize I may have asked the question the wrong way. Do you think that people might think that i meant always doing it when not in the mood? I was thinking sometimes but not always because it would not be right to have someone do this on demand but I do believe that at least sometimes compromising is important What are your thoughts

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

If they’re not in the mood, then either respect that or try to get them in the mood.

[Cycloteur]

Hey, it's your job to get your partner in the mood. If you can't do that its not your partners fault. If you have sex with someone who doesn't want to you are by definition a rapist. Its very simple.
If some one have pity sex with their partner its willingly and not the above, still you are not allowed to demand that or pressure them into it, then you are a rapist. And you know what happens to rapists sooner or later.
Sex is to be given, not taken for granted or taken at all.

[Asker]

What if the person won't let their partner get them in the mood and wants to be when they happen to be in the mood at the same time

[Cycloteur]

I don't understand your full reply, but this is the key success factor for any couple and is what I call "beeing compatible". If you don't fit/work together its no help that you find each other sexually attractive. You need someone to be much more than attractive for a long term relationship. So if it is what I think you say in your post, you need to have a real talk about this and if no change is possible you need to move on for both your own and your SO's sake. Life is not easy but struggling with someone not compatible with you makes it almost unbearable. When you grow away from the pure lust based years you realise that finding a partner which is both you friend and lover is necessary. Just a friend or just a lover doesn't cut it in the long run. Life is to short to waste it with the wrong partner. Personally I would rather spend years looking than accepting a sad life of unhappyness.

[NotTacocaT6969]

Yes.


I put out for him even when I’m not in the mood.


He on the other hand can’t be bothered to spare the 30 seconds he lasts for.


After three years of this, I’m starting to tell him to go fuck himself the way he makes me.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Easy solution, get the other person in the mood. If that is too much work, then better wait until you have more time.

[Daniela1982]

Not necessarily. It depends on how often it happens. Like once in awhile or quite often, like maybe 3 or more times a week? There could be a lot or reasons from hormone imbalances to just not finding you sexy anymore.

[PurpleMonkeySundays]

Not too surprising more women think its not uncaring than guys... It's probably 90% women getting hounded for sex lol.

But like, why tf should someone be expected to fuck you if they dont want it? UNCARING? Thats not uncaring, thats some toxic bullshit.
Uncaring is wanting your partner to have sex with you even if they dont want it.

[SnakeBoop]

nope. sex is not a need that they will die without.
if a partner truly expects they partner to just have sex because they want to, that other person needs to find a better partner... ews

[ananias55]

Thats why I dumped my ex. She didn't fulfill my needs and I found someone who did. Sticking around only makes both sides miserable

[SnakeBoop]

@ananias55 sure, not everyones sex drives match. thats okay

[ananias55]

True and I know lots of guys with low drives. You gotta find the right fit.

[JDAC2209199]

I don't think it's uncaring, I don't think I could have sex with someone I know is only doing it to make me happy

[Phoenix-gb]

No-one should be forced to do something they aren't wanting to do (except when it comes to work but that's a different conversation).

At the same time, if you're not getting out of a relationship what you need, then nothing is forcing you to stay. Mis-matched sex drives, if it's a big deal for one party, will lead to a breakdown of the relationship at some point. If this is the case, you need to have a conversation with your SO and find out if there's a root cause that prevents them feeling the same as you, or if you're just not matched in that way and what you plan to do about it.

[Mikeysoda]

It really depends. There are several points of views already laid out here by other comments. I still voted for yesssss its uncaring in a marriage were there is commitment. However, it depends because the asker of the deed has to be considerate and caring of the others needs as well. So compromise must be there.

[Asker]

I realize I may have asked the question the wrong way. Do you think that people might think that i meant always doing it when not in the mood? I was thinking sometimes but not always because it would not be right to have someone do this on demand but I do believe that at least sometimes compromising is important What are your thoughts

[ItsyBitsySpider]

Why would you want to have sex with someone knowing they don't want it/aren't in the mood?

Surely you'd want to have sex when both parties are excited about it and want to do it?

[ananias55]

If one party has a higher drive than the other and is constantly saying no. The other party will start to fall apart and feel unwanted. Relationships take effort. If effort is only given from one side then it's bound to fail.

[ItsyBitsySpider]

That didn't answer my question, why would you want to sleep with someone, knowing they don't want it/aren't in the mood? Why would you want to make your partner do something they don't want to do? If two people are completely not sexually compatible, the person who wants more sex has to figure out if getting sex is more important than their relationship. If it isn't, they will stay, if it is, they need to leave and find someone they're sexually compatible with with.

[dustybiker]

If you aren’t compatible then respectfully leave her for someone who is.

[Apple1996]

I'm willing to do stuff like blowjobs/handsjobs/mutal masturbation if I'm not in the mood for sex. In those moments sure I'm doing it to care for my partner but I wouldn't say it's uncaring if someone isn't willing to be that way

[ananias55]

Thats enough to keep us happy ^-^

[Apple1996]

@ananias55 yeah sometimes I do these things for fun or cause I'm horny too but sex seems like too much work

[ananias55]

I agree. Sex requires time, place, and cleaning up after. Sometimes foreplay is easier and mixing it up is fun too.

[SkipPerk]

If you are sick, fine, but if you do not give your partner what she needs, you cannot complain when she cheats.

when I have had trouble getting it up (bad medicine), I just go down on here. We even got a dildo until I was done with the nightmarish drugs. My ex-wife had a vaginal issue and she kindly tried anal after oral got boring. Sex is important. You must go the extra mile

[Asker]

I realize I may have asked the question the wrong way. Do you think that people might think that i meant always doing it when not in the mood? I was thinking sometimes but not always because it would not be right to have someone do this on demand but I do believe that at least sometimes compromising is important What are your thoughts

[AncientWisdom]

Women know that men require sex both for pleasure , and to carry their genetic package forward. That’s why they weaponize it in relationships. It’s really the only power they have over men. They are very aware of this , and they use sex to try to control men. The sexual center of the male brain is larger. It’s our biology. They know this very well. They are taught they can control men with sex by their mothers. They use sexual bait to attract a man for marriage , and use the modern western court system to enslave that man for having sex with him and bearing his children. More and more females are taking on masculine qualities because the law and culture have allowed this to happen. No other countries in the world do this to the extent modern western society has done so today.
Women are now more then equal in western society. They run our society. They have abused their new found equality. Now men are abused by the courts in the name of a woman.

[Ninani]

No, it's uncaring to ask your partner to compromise their comfort for your own sexual needs. Take a wank and show that you care about their boundaries.

[Asker]

I realize I may have asked the question the wrong way. Do you think that people might think that i meant always doing it when not in the mood? I was thinking sometimes but not always because it would not be right to have someone do this on demand but I do believe that at least sometimes compromising is important What are your thoughts

[LeoLover75]

Yes it is a little uncaring. Only for the fact that when you are in the mood they may not be but if they are willing to have sex when you are in the mood don’t you think it’s only fair that you do when they are in the mood?
If you wait to have sex when both are in the mood then you might be waiting for a while.
If one of you isn’t in the mood then maybe the other one who is can do things to get the other one in the mood.

[boggboss]

To a certain degree yes although subjects like this are always tricky as u can never make someone do something they don't wanna do especially when talking about sex that being said we all do things we would prefer not too do for partners at 1 point or another not because they make us but because we know it makes them happy