If/when you have kids, what rules will you set for them?

Question

Personally, since I plan to eventually have kids, here:

Dating/Social Life
- I will support you if you're gay, straight, bi, pan, trans, cis, non-binary, whatever.
- Use birth control, please.
- Have as many friends as you want, have a few close friends, have no friends. It's all good.

Appearance/Style
- Dye your hair any colour (s) you want! I'll help you with the dye.
- Body mods should be done professionally if possible, but I'm cool with whatever. Maybe not scarification until you're 18, but that's on a case-by-case basis.
- This is *shocking*, I know, but I won't get mad if you're goth, punk, emo, or scene. In fact, quite the opposite!
- Revealing clothes are awesome, go ahead. Carry pepper spray with you.
- Boys, if you wanna wear dresses or makeup or etc., awesome!

Punishment/Getting In Trouble
- Be home by midnight most nights, but if you call and explain when you'll be home and why it'll be later, that's good too.
- I will never hit you, ground you, or yell at you. We will discuss things instead.
- Swear all you want.

Aethereal · Accepted Answer

You sound way to chill to me. But to each their own I guess. I know I'd personally be very strict (this is one of the reasons I don't want kids. The modern world would hate me for being such a "controlling" parent). So a warning to you (and many others), as I doubt many would like my style.

To use your categories:

Dating/Social Life
- I will accept and adjust to them if they're gay, straight, bi, trans, but I won't encourage it if they're questioning. They have to reach that decision on their own and accept whatever consequences from society. They have my full support after they do.
- Relationships are okay from 15, sex is not until you're no longer a dependent. I'll encourage saving oneself though.
- Have as many friends as you want, have a few close friends, have no friends. It's all good. You don't need people to be happy.

Appearance/Style
- No body alterations allowed i. e. dyed hair, tattoos, piercings, weird haircuts, etc. Knock yourself out when you're living on your own. But it's a hard "no" while you're a dependent.
- I won't get mad if they're goth, punk, emo, or scene, as long as they follow the above rule. Dress appropriately. Don't wander the house nude, or in underwear (unless it's boxer shorts)
- Hard "no" to revealing clothes when going out.
- It's also a "no" on the boys wearing dresses, unless they've come out as trans.

Punishment/Getting In Trouble
- Be home before 7pm on school days, before 9.30pm every other time (weekends/holidays). No late night parties, hang-outs, etc. No underage drinking, smoking or drugs. No oversleeping (be up by 8.30am at the latest.)
- Grounding, taking stuff away are good disciplinary forms. Flogging is on the table, but only for something very serious (e. g. Bullying/hurting someone else).
- No swearing. I'll stop swearing myself (I do when I'm irritated) if my example can
teach them not to think that is normal/acceptable.

Money/things
- I grew up without allowances, and in a country that didn't have part-time jobs. I feel that having your kids depend solely on you for stuff that costs money makes them better behaved. It worked on me. Not having my own money early did not stop me from learning the value of money. I think it made money more valuable to me actually (since getting my own was so rare and hard). I would keep my kids dependent in a similar way until they are of age. An additional bonus is that it makes enforcing the above rules easier.
- Your stuff is yours. Share it with siblings, friends, etc. if you want, or don't. Your sibling will have their own stuff too, so you won't have to share if they don't want to. This teaches responsibility for one's own property. Why would I force them to share what is theirs? I don't share my stuff unless I want to.
- Ask and you shall (most likely) receive; within reason, and so long as the other rules aren't getting violated.

I would try my best to teach them that life is about choices and consequences. Take responsibility for all your actions. Never make a choice when you haven't considered and accepted all the potential consequences. I will first and foremost be a parent to my children. Being their friend would be nice, but I won't slack off on parenting for the sake of being friends. I am harsh because I know that many of these things I am ruling against have consequences that they probably don't want to take responsibility for. While I will save them if things get bad, I don't want them to assume/expect that they can make mistakes and rely on someone to save them.

I also have strict rules to myself that I must follow as a parent. But I've since decided to not have kids. So this is all somewhat redundant.

jkm1864 · Accepted Answer

I tell My daughter the truth and I tell Her the most valuable asset is between Her legs and I tell Her the more She uses it the less it's worth. I know that's kind of brutal but I pull no punches with Her and I don't sugar coat life like most parents. I also tell Her when its time to find a mate that She needs to find a guy whom is career minded and whom can either support or willing to support a family. I am very conservative in that regard and honestly I wouldn't be happy if She came out as someone whom practiced an alternate life style but I understand that I love Her and to act differently would be fucking hypocritical of Me. In the end all that matters is She is happy and Her partner takes care of Her and that's all any father could hope for. As far as trans well I know for a fact that is one of the highest suicide rates so I would find out if someone is filling her head with that shit and if its an outside influence I'd clean their clock and if it wasn't I'd have a discussion with Her about the pitfalls and how once She crosses that bridge that She can't easily or never come back and the change is permanent and how many regret it and kill themselves later.

modelUN242 · Accepted Answer

I'm the complete opposite of what you said. I would parent similar to how I grew up. No sleepovers, focus on studying no relationships, no sex until marriage, raised Christian. No piercings, tattoos, dying hair, dress conservatively. Gender roles, chores, punishments. Respect your parents, elders, authority figures. Don't talk back, argue with me, what I say goes. Do well in school, don't get in trouble. By the way, I was raised with Asian parenting.

elizamichale1 · Accepted Answer

I think you will be the most awesome person tbh darling coz thats exactly how it should be
The children should make their choices n parents should just guide n help
N talking to them n discussing things is always better than punishing
My parents have been the same to me n have been very supportive of me and so would i be to my children

AzureGirl · Answer

Basically the same except
-11pm curfew on weekends until 18 (mostly because here it’s illegal to be out driving past 11 under 18), 10pm curfew on school nights unless there’s something going on.
-responsibilities before fun.

Kaneki05 · Answer

I would teach my kid mostly, "Give what you get", "everything you do will have consequences and you need to understand them before you do anything", "Only hurt someone if they deserve it", "And if you be a pain in my ass i will be in yours". These rules should keep my child in check.

NarutoUzumaki007 · Answer

no rules live your life and make mistakes and learn from them on your own , that's the only rule

0112358 · Answer

These seem mainly rules for you not them.

I’ve also told my kids if they want even ears pierced we are going to a damn piercing shop not the accessory place at the mall with a gun.

how late they’re allowed out is more about how they disturb us and when they have to get up. Hasn’t been an issue.

I don’t let them swear around me. I don’t give a fuck if they swear with their friends and I explained to them early that people who did swear aren’t bad. But it’s really easy for me to not swear around clients, bosses or under stress because I grew up not being allowed to. I want them to have that same off switch. I’ve only rarely sworn around them (eldest) and only when there was a reason.

in terms of marks and school- if you’re on top of it and marks are good then I’m not going to be asking you questions just congratulating you. The more you’re struggling the more I’m involved.

sheikalana · Answer

Knock before you enter mommy's and daddy's bedroom.

ElDiablo666 · Answer

This approach will cause you a LOT of problems, especially with a girl when she hits 13/14

TheFlak38 · Answer

god help us if you breed.

EyesOfGod · Answer

Its better to teach them rules and boundaries when they are young. otherwise they may end up unable to hold a job because they dont want to follows the rules.

coffeewithcream · Answer

1. No beer before breakfast. I don't care if your Grade 1 teacher says its okay.
2. No skateboarding in the house. I don't care if it helps you move from the tv to the fridge before the commerical break ends.
3. No texting after midnight. I don't care if the best porn girls are on then.
4. No chocolate cake for breakfast. Who ever heard of chocolate cake with beer?

asshole_ · Answer

I wouldn't allow them to date before they're 18, maybe even 21

venomhbk1313 · Answer

Well I would have many rules my main one would be not to lie to me and just let me know where you're going and leave a phone number of who you're going to be with I don't care if they're by gay straight or transgendered I would support them but the number one rule would be not to lie about anything

mrgspoter · Answer

I believe in mostly freedom but int no trans and all that stupid shit I mean how does a kids decide to be any one of them stupid shit they what to be called who told the kid as I don't know any who do with out the net. And gals can't really dress how they want too anymore, no vilonce and that covers it really. Are you expecting?

tjbyrd39 · Answer

He honestly does whatever the hell he wants. Bit I'll yry stir hom clear of truly evil people like the marrieds and this monogamouslies. 🤪

Anonymous · Answer

Wash your hands frequently, wake up early, dream big, never stop learning, master skills, love what you do, always help people, should not take but always give, be kind and nice internally

Anonymous · Answer

Mine would be vastly different than yours.

The Ten Commandments are the foremost and highest rules. They shall obey God's law and the laws of man at all times.
They must complete their chores, attend to their studies, and conduct themselves as ladies and gentlemen in training.
There will be no dating, partying, drug use, or inappropriate socializing. Cursing is strictly forbidden. They will dress in a manner becoming of a lady or gentlemen.
They will choose a career of distinction which is acceptable for someone of their social standing. They will attend a university of such rank. And they will not be allowed to marry anyone who does not meet the standards of the family.

Above all, children are to be reared, trained, and molded, not left to their own devices.

If/when you have kids, what rules will you set for them?

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