If you partner doesn't really want to have sex but agrees to do it because of a sense of obligation. . ?

Question

When women reach menopause, their production of sex hormones changes. This can result in a decrease or even total loss of libido (as well as decreased ability to self-lubricate.) For many women, their primary or GYN will prescribe hormone replacement therapy (HRT,) but this is contraindicated in women with a family history of breast cancer, blood clotting disorders, or deep venous thrombosis.

My ex-wife was post-menopausal, could not take HRT, and had a decreased libido. She had some sexual desire but not as much as I wanted it. I never demanded sex from her; that is not "my style." Still, many times she would be receptive to having sex because of a sense of obligation rather than desire. In a relationship, sex means much more than just doing something because it feels good, and knowing that she really didn't want to be having sex with me was frustrating and depressing. I accepted her offers and it felt good but not as satisfying as it should have been.

Guys, ever been in this position? How would you feel if you knew your partner was having sex only because you wanted it and she really didn't sex with you? Girls, would you have sex when you don't really want it just to keep your guy happy, or would you resent your guy for wanting sex when you don't?

smashleyy · Accepted Answer

I have been in a relationship where having sex with him turned into a chore and I did not care for it. Mid way through my abusive relationship my sex drive plummeted, I couldn’t figure out why at the time and it made me self conscious. I didn’t think it had anything to do with him, I thought I was the problem. Our bodies are a pretty incredible thing, my snatch was not happy with him, and she knew he had to go months before I was consciously aware of it. As soon as the relationship ended my sex drive skyrocketed and I was having a minimum of 3 orgasms a day and also learned how to squirt two months after. All the things you listed are genuine reasons why someone’s libido might go down but sometimes the answer is as simple and straightforward as fucking the wrong person

Likes2drive · Accepted Answer

Well marriage is work and sometimes you have to do things in the relationship that you don’t always want to because you want to make them happy so it goes both ways because I’m sure there are things he doesn’t want to do but does them to keep the woman happy also so it’s a compromise sometimes, just like they say, you’re in it for better or worse, it’s a commitment marriage and it’s not always going to great but hopefully the good times outweigh the bad times

richardcory · Accepted Answer

In my view, no one should ever be obligated to have sex they don't want, and no one should every stay in a relationship where they are unyappy. So if there is a sexual mismatch (for any reason, of any time) the couple should see if there is a level of sexuality that will make them both happy, If not, they should split

Flower7 · Answer

Breaking up would probably be best.

FictionalCharacter · Answer

Goodness Finchie, why you hiding?

TheThingALing · Answer

Food for thought.. sure there can be loss of libido but that reduction in sexual desire, you think it's in general? I think some of that loss in desire is specific to her partner too. Bring in her favorite movie star, you think the outcome will be the same?

strateguy632 · Answer

the theory is flawed logic, compare "no appetite" but still enjoy the taste of food similarly intimacy has pleasure like eating candy despite not hungry. reminder libido is like appetite.

tfan1 · Answer

My wife is on menopause and doesn’t really feel in the mood for sex. But if I get a bullet sized vibrator on her clitoris - I can get her to orgasm 2-3x back to back. I enjoy giving her her orgasms 😎👍. As for me, I’m quite happy masturbating 👍🙂

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Denying your man sex is default permission for him to seek sex elsewhere.

Mallic00 · Answer

I'll be honest, if one of you is only having sex with your partner because you feel you have to, the relationship is already dead and neither of you know it yet.