Sexual Relationships
1 y

If your date/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse offered to go down on you when you don't feel like it or want more, what would you do?

  • would you feel inclined to offer the same to them? if so, is it out of courtesy or you would ask by default? if they accept would you offer 69 instead?
  • would you accpet of you are already hard/wet? what if you are expecting actual sex?
  • would you mind if the other side said that they like going down on you/others?
  • would you accpet a request that you'd give head even if you are not going to have sex? (probably if you are in a relationship)
  • girls who are slow to trust or feel self conscious about their genitals, how would you turn the man down?

if you are interested as to why im asking: i have dated a girl that would not accept my offers. at the beggining we would just dry hump and i offered once or twice and she declined politely and then asked if i wanted her to go down on me instead, i said she didn't have to, so she didn't. then we had sex, and after the act she told me she doesn't orgasm from penetration so i offered again so i wouldn't be the only one, and again she refused politely.
If your date/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse offered to go down on you when you dont feel like it or want more, what would you do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This really sounds like the girl is self conscious. It could be a number of reasons but if she’s willing to have full penetrative sex with you then I assume not letting you go down is an insecurity with her genitals.

    the reason I think this is because my girlfriend was like that. She was honest about it down the line.. but at first no one is too eager to tell someone they’re interested in about their insecurities. My girl got better with this but not 100%.. she’s always worried it smells and she just feels like it’s gross for us guys despite me telling her that I enjoy it. Sometimes she so insecure about it that even I convince her to let me go down on her.. it won’t feel good. The way around this is that I need to go above and beyond in terms of showing her beforehand how turned on she makes me.. after some of that she’ll eventually get so turned on that she seems to forget about her insecurity.

    I would have a talk with her. Telling her that you do love when she goes down on you BUT a ton of the fun is making HER feel good. Express how desirable it is for you to go down on her. Her allowing you to go down on her most private area is also a sign of trust and closeness which you would love for her to share with you. This is what I did with my girl before things started to improve

  • Relationships basics. Talk to each other communicate, find out what each other likes does not like. Limits, what to do when not in the mood, when on period, when feeling tired etc etc.

    talk to your partner and listen with both ears to your partner.

    understand the following.

    Consent (including informed), Respect, Honesty, Communication and Trust.

    it’s not rocket science, it’s pretty basic stuff but people still can’t do it.

    • Yeah, i know that, and im even having problems with being too sharing. but at the time we were still early to be that open without making it feel like a serious thing. And its too late now since it ended some time ago so i wanted to know what other people do.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Why didn't you ask her for the reason behind her not wanting to get some good cunninglus? I had a partner that would politely refuse oral invitations in the beginning when we started dating but didn't mind going down to town on me. I felt inclined to ask him after the second decline and he stated that it was due to never having a good experience with it. I nodded and asked him to give me a chance and for him to be very vocal about what is and is not working as I give him a BJ. Sure enough, after a couple of sessions, I got really good at it for him and in general. So I wonder if the same reason may apply to your situation.

    As for me, I would always accept one and in the off chance I decline it, it would be due to my menstruating, the person who offered not being good at it despite giving them continued guidance on what feels good to me or not, or I'm already overstimulated down there causing me to not feeling anything.
    Communication is key and in this case, "straightforward communication is key" Best of luck.

    • it haven't occurred to me at the time to ask, just wondered to myself. i guess i wasn't comfortable with asking her at the time since we began the skinship quite early and progressed fast. and it ended quite abruptly so i haven't got the opportunity to ask her.

  • If I don't feel like it, I don't feel like it. I will just say no thanks, I don't want to.
    If I'm in the mood and he enjoys doing it then sure, why not. Personally it doesn't do much for me though, I prefer other forms of foreplay. And I would prefer to have sex than just receive head.
    Sounds like that girl was either self conscious or maybe it doesn't do much for her either.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 2

  • Isn't the point of foreplay to get you in the mood?

    • well, some people can get in the mood just from making out and a little bit of grinding, so it is not always needed. and if the man has a problem with early release, he might prefer not to get any.

    • I guess to answer your question I simply never say no to any sexual advances from my man

  • Well, if I’m not in the mood and she wants to have sex I go along with it. I can always have sex and I’d have to be very tired or not feeling well to say no.
    however if she is not in the mood I respect that and we don’t have sex.

  • I'm laughing right now because there's an app for that.

    • for what? asking people to give them head?😂

    • YES! I shit you not. It's called Headero. I heard about it from a podcast. Google yanked it, but Apple still has it. lol

    • wtf...

  • I've been with two girls that didn't let me anywhere near their pussy. They both thought it was "gross". I asked if they've had bad experiences and one said in high school, when she broke up with her boyfriend, he told all his buddies that she had a disgusting pussy. She was tramatized by it. The other girl just thought she had an ugly pussy and was very self conscious about it. She came around and really enjoyed it but the other girl never did.

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