Guys, if your in a relationship with somebody, and she passes out drunk, would you touch her in her sleep?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together a while, we are sexually active and have been for about a year. I am a light weight when it comes to drinking and after a night out he wants to have sex, but sometimes I'm just too drunk and I pass out (this isn't an everyday or even every weekend thing). But he touches my breasts and vagina while I've been in out of "sleep". I've even woke up to him doing me from behind. I'm not really sure if this is a normal thing that happens, and if I should just let him do whatever to me because we're together anyways. Should this bother me? Is this wrong? Would you/have you done this?

[Anonymous]

It's okay, and not abnormal, as long as has our consent in advance. My ex-wife was a lightweight and she would start to pass out when we got in bed and she had an orgasm from foreplay. As she was falling asleep, I would ask, "Do you mind if I finish what we started?" and she would tell me to go for it. Obviously, it's more much more fun if she's awake and an active participant, but if I'm all worked up and I need to have an orgasm, I'd rather cum inside her than in my hand. We worked it out that she would go to sleep lying on her stomach so that I could have easy access.

[FantasticPlanet]

This is rape.
Anytime there isn't actual consent, or worse yet you're unconscious, then it becomes "nonconsensual sex" aka RAPE.

I'm not telling you what to do about it (dump him) but you should know that he is taking advantage of you.
He will defend himself to the grave, saying you're together anyways, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, the fact remains that this is rape, and he is a rapist.
How much do you trust him now?

[Asker]

But, how is it rape if I didn't really say no? I mean.. I just didn't really say anything. It doesn't happen all the time, just on the seldom occasion when I have a little to much to drink. He says I'm his girlfriend, and that he touches me and stuff all the time, so if I pass out then what's the difference? The first time it happened he laughed it off, saying he was waisted... Didn't even realize I wasn't fully conscious. I hardly remembered so I just didn't say anything. But the reason why I'm asking this question is the last time it happened I don't remember anything, I just woke up naked. He didn't always do this, when we first started dating and being sexually active together, this never happened.

[FantasticPlanet]

So you're saying he has a right to touch your body anyway he chooses when you are INCAPABLE of saying no? What if he wanted to do something that you didn't consent to? Is it still okay then? I understand that the verbiage here sounds scary, but I'm just trying to unmask the truth. Rape isn't just a crime of sex-against-will, it's a crime of taking what isn't being offered. It's a problem of entitlement, ego & violence. So if you don't want to dump him or turn him in, please at least speak to someone you trust (Mom, sister, counselor) that can help you stand up for yourself! One thing is consistent: Victims of rape never want to get anyone in trouble, so a majority of rapes go unreported. And 85%-90% of rapes happen from someone the victim personally knows.

[Asker]

Yeah, I guess I never really looked at it that way. I know he's done things to me I probably wouldn't have agreed to if I was awake... Waking up with jizz in your hair for one. Thanks for the help... I don't have anybody to talk too though regarding family, and going to see a counsellor is too expensive for me at the moment. I think I'll just tell him I'm not okay with it and from now on to stop doing that to me.

[FantasticPlanet]

Well, at the least I'm happy you see how bad this is. I understand the family/counselor problems. Not everyone has a reliable network or money to see an expensive counselor. But there are free options, support centers and whole groups of women that guy can talk to. They're not going to make you feel bad or gross, they've just been through similar circumstances. Please use the Internet to look up the nearest rainn center or women's support network or similar. They won't make you report if you don't want to, they're just there to care, and listen. You may feel okay, but in the long run, this experience may sour in your mind. I hope you'll seek out someone, because what if he says "no I won't stop". You need someone that can help you be strong when he is using his strength/will to outmaneuver you. Anyways, best of luck, you'll do great.

[Asker]

Thank you you have been really informative. I don't think I need counselling or anything like that, but thanks anyways. Take care

[JohnBhoy94]

I would never touch her inappropriately if she was passed out drunk or asleep. I'd cuddle her and that's about it.

[sp33d]

I would rather tackle her alcohol problems rather than worry about short term benefits, provided I care about her.
Otherwise, I 'll take her home and carry on life as usual.

[Likes2drive]

Maybe he would like necrophilia then, what if you didn't drink so much instead? I'd rather the girl be awake and into it with me instead but if you know he does this and are ok with It , then each to his own

[NikFlood]

He is raping you. If you don't say yes then it is rape. If it bothers you, tell him to stop. If he continues, dump his ass.

[Anonymous]

not unless she asked me to. I had a woman that I was dating that asked me to do this sometime. I did. She woke up drowsily in the middle of it. It was nice.
If she hadn't asked... no. It frankly isn't very exciting making love to an unconscious womem