Im having doubts about my relationship?

[Anonymous]

So I've been with my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 years, he is 19, im 22. When i met him he was very shy which makes sense seeing i was his first girlfriend. I really like him and care for him but I don't know why i don’t feel connected sexually, we barely have sex and not because he doesn’t want to but because i don’t, it just doesn't feel natural like i would rather go home and masturbate. He is very insecure, he has argued with me over dick size, over so much insecure stuff and it bothers me so much, i have spoken to him saying i don't like arguing over that stuff but it hasn’t changed anything. It sucks cause we have such a good time together but even if we party together i don’t get the urge to passionately make out with him like i would with previous hookups. If any of you have been in a situation like this what did you do? If you haven’t what would your advice for me be?

[abc3643]

It seems like you just don't have sexual chemistry.

IF... and I mean IF because I don't know... that is true, then you may need to move on.

But, I have to ask, what attracted you to him to begin with? Surely, there must have been some kind of butterflies in your stomach when you first were about to become a couple. This sort of question is important to ask oneself because it helps remind one why they entered into a couple to begin with. Often, this is the starting point to rekindling a romance.

I guess, put another way, did you ever have sexual attraction with him? If not, it's chemistry incompatibility and you never should have been a couple. However, if it cooled because of his quality as a lover and/or his immaturity, that might be correctable.

[Asker]

Honestly I thought he was so cute and sweet which i still do but after the first time meeting him he was just always with me, sleeping at his house and i guess it just happened like that, we kinda skipped the talking stage and automatically started dating. He’s like my best friend so thats why it makes it such a difficult situation for me.

[abc3643]

I understand. In a way, that's how my wife and I became a couple. But let me ask you: Does he spur any sexual attraction in you? Could he possibly do something, say something, or wear something (or not wear something) and think "My God, I wanna fuck him!" Supposing the answer to that question is "No", then the follow-up question is "Are there any men out there who would have that effect on you?" If the answer to that second question is "Yes", then it's a fundamental matter of sexual attraction and chemistry. In that case, I'd say that you have to move on. He is young enough that he will recover.

[Asker]

Well actually i do find him sexy, when he gets all dressed up he looks so good, there is just little things he does that make me feel icky, he is messy, really does clean up after himself and he can ruin the moment after we fucked by putting himself down… maybe i need to give myself some time to figure out what is best for me

[abc3643]

You may be in a better position than you realize and I will discuss that more soon. First, I believe that you said that he is messy. Do you two live together? How is he messy?

[MrCommodore]

I was in a similar situation, and eventually ended it. Not easy to do after a long time together, but it was no longer a satisfying relationship.

[kyleelyn199723]

Sounds like you need to break up with him as you aren’t attracted to him. I know the insecurity arguments have turned you off, but frankly your attractions aren’t helping him feel better about himself what’s so ever, plus I can’t imagine him staying with you anyways. He is 19 years old, and wants some good sex. You aren’t giving it to him.

[Sam_The_Savage]

And sex is important for successful relationship...

[kyleelyn199723]

Sex isn’t the most important, but not having sex with a guy because of his insecurities only further proves his argument is correct and you aren’t that attracted to him.

[Asker]

His insecurities isn't the reason i dont have sex with him, that is just something that bothers me, when i do have sex with him he is tired after 2 minutes and doesn't put in effort after, i just dont fuck him on a reg or even as much as most couples would, and I definitely dont want him to feel like shit about himself so i do as much as i can to make him feel good about himself

[kyleelyn199723]

Then you aren’t sexually compatible. It’s that simple and yes you need to break up. Both of you are too young to not be experiencing great sex.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice I appreciate it, we are each others best friends so i guess its hard for me cause i know i would be losing two important things

[kyleelyn199723]

I totally understand the feeling. I ended it with someone because I felt like I could be with somebody that’s more in my lane. He will figure out life, maybe gain some more experience and let his insecurities go.

[Sam_The_Savage]

It's happened with me... once I fucked girl after that I don't even like to see her face. New Hunt begin. We both are same. Lol. You just get bored.

[CubaPirate]

My advice is don't get locked in a sexless relationship. It certainly isn't healthy for the long term outlook and is unlikely to end well for anyone. Get out now before either of you gets truly hurt. Good Luck