Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Women and girls, from a very young age on are incredibly insecure. For a lot of us not looking perfect makes us feel like we ARE inadequate. Like we somehow failed as a person, like we don't deserve love, a relationship or affection.
A lot of women say that they dress for themselves, that they get their nails done for themselves, have long hair for themselves, get bikini waxes for themselves, get plastic surgery for themselves ....
But tbh I think that's a bit naive. What it comes down to in the end is being an attractive option for men, no matter how you twist and turn it. They say they feel more confident. Ya but what makes you feel confident? Being liked and desired by people, especially the opposite sex. So a lot of women do those things (and then some) to appeal to men and delude themselves into thinking it's what they want.
And I think that's because there is somehow this idea out there that wanting men's approval is a terrible thing and a sign of weakness, when it's not. There's nothing wrong with wanting men's approval. In fact wanting to appeal to the opposite gender is innate and it's not gonna change anytime soon.
I think or I hope that most men DO care about women. Not just getting our approval but that they want us to be happy, that they want to be with women who are smart, who they have something in common, who they geniunley have a connection with. But the thing is you're not letting us know enough. Or at all really. All we see in the media and even in real world is men caring about looks and sex. If you're not gonna continue reading the take, this is the main take away here. If you do care about things other than looks, let us know!
I hope this doesn't come across like blaming men for everything. What compelled me to write this take is that a lot of guys complain about women being vain or too concerned with their looks but they don't see their own role in it.
And the same time when we women complain about the way the world characterizes us, all you get from a lot of men is complete apathy, which is extremely frustrating.
How did we get here?
There was a small little study where researchers looked at teenage girls diary entries from the dawn of the 20th century and today. What they found is that, back then girls focused almost entirely on being a better person. On being kind to others and being polite, while today girls focused entirely on looking better.
I suppose it all started in the 40s and 50s when it became more and more acceptable to use women's bodies to sell products. While a lot of the images were clearly sexist and often a little sexualising. It was far from what we deal with no.
And I thinks that's partially because the world was different. Often on here men ask what is point of having a relationship? Of being married? What are women good for other than sex? Well in the 50s they knew. There was little doubt about what role women had society and what value we had as well.
Most people view the change of gender roles as something positive, and I do too, but I think it's not talked about enough, especially in this context.
It's often discussed how men don't know their place and their value in this world anymore now that they don't have to be the provider. But it's rarely mentioned that women don't know their place and value in this world either. If it's not being a mother and wive, then what is it? Maybe it IS just sex? That's what the media tells us anyway. All we want from a young age is to fit in, so we follow what we're being told and that's how you get 10 year olds dressing and in some ways behaving like prostitutes.
On a side note: There is this quite famous article out there that claims that the past US election was a referendum on gender and women lost. I'm not sure I'd go that far but it certainly doesn't help that we now have a president who has a trophy wife, brags about sexual harassment and publicly rates women on a scale from 1 to 10.
It's not real
All the imagines you see online, in magazines and TV they're not real. Cindy Crawford infamously said "I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford". Everything we see is manipulated to be perfect, but that's not what women look like in reality. Not even the models they're showing look like that and women feel terrible about their bodies because we can't possibly live up to that.
Expectations both men and women have towards how women should look like have gone a little out of control.
Take this picture of Sophia Loren for example, who would have been considered very attractive in her time. And who clearly has a healthy and beautiful body. But she also has flaws. Her stomach isn't flat, her thighs have a bit of cellulite and you can see back fat on top of her bra. And all of that is normal. But girls today who look like this will feel incredibly insecure and inadequate because of it
And guys, I'm assuming, are the same. They'd think she's alright looking but she could lose some weight, do something about the cellulite....
Most of us know images we see in the media are fake, but it doesn't matter, it still affects out standards, our perception of what is normal. So in an ideal world, I think no one would use photoshop but that's not very realistic. For now I think the best we can do, is to not constantly criticize womens looks. As long as you're in a healthy weight range, you shouldn't have to worry about looking perfect. We should promote images that are not heavily retouched, that show what women really look like.
And I get most of you guys are not magazine editors, you don't get to decide what type of imagies goes into that. But well tbh that's a bit of a last century excuse. The great thing about social media that EVERYONE gets to share and promote the content they like. So do that!
You know, all those "which one of these girls is hottest?" questions on here? Just once I'd like see one with all non photoshopped pictures
And to be clear here, because I'm sure someone will bring it up, I'm not suggesting that men should find a specific weight or bodyfat percentage attractive, but that we shouldn't digitally alter image of bodies that already conform the common standard of beauty.
Sexualisation vs Objectification
I wouldn't normally have written about this but I've found it comes up a lot here. I have no doubt guys in the comments will link plenty of pictures of guys in underwear to prove that men are equally sexualised.
But there's a difference between the two. They're related but not the same. And while both are not great, one is clearly worse than the other.
Sexualisation is to make something sexual. It'll be your average underwear ad, playboy magazine, perfume ad ....
It's really exaggeration of what is natural, men being attracted to women and vice versa. And I think it's been taken way too far these days, but in some ways it's normal and it's not going away.
Objectification is the action of degrading someone to the status of a mere object. In this context as a sex object. Treating women like they don't have feelings and thoughts on their own or like their wishes, fears and desires don't matter. I think most mainstream porn is a good example of that. (The woman is just treated as a masturbation aid, what she wants or feels doesn't matter), but it's increasingly common in the mainstream media also, like this infamous burger kind ad
I know a lot of guys don't like laci green and I don't agree with everything she says but I think she explains this point quite well
It's true that men are also sexualised and it's becoming increasing more common and I don't think that's great either, trust me that's not the type of equality we want. If you want to talk about that though, please write your own take.
What you can do about
Getting back what I said in the beginning, the problem is men not letting us know that you care about more than looks. Well the good thing is, it's easily fixed.
It's the little things: I'll put this first because it's most important. We should all try to do little things to make the world a little better where we can, right? Don't litter, turn off the water when you brush your teeth and so on. Well the same principle applies here.
Tell your girlfriend that you enjoy her company, that you value her opinions and thoughts. Promote positive role models to your sister and don't focus too much on appearance when you buy clothes for your daughter. And tell them all to voice their wants and needs.
Don't catcall girls. I know duh!. But also call out guys who do especially if you know them. Don't say women deserved to get raped or harassed because of what they were wearing
And it's also in what you DON'T do. Silence is golden sometimes. I see this a lot, guys calling women they see online fat or ugly, when they are quite normal. And I don't get why? What do you have to gain from it? Just don't do it! Whatever happened to common decency? I don't think this type of behavior should be acceptable and in fact it's not. Not in reality anyway, but somehow on the internet guys think it''s different. Don't you realize that girls reading this stuff also?
I used to work as a model when I was a teenager and sometimes some of those pictures would end up online. And i remember the first time it happened. I was 15, it was my first big job and it was very excited and I read the comment under that particular post and a lot of them were like "her tits are too small, would not fuck" and another comment said "great girl, where can I get one of her? " one of me? You can't get a woman like you get groceries and it's not ok to talk about us like that. Those comments hurt especially because they were about me, personally. But I've seen them on posts of other women and it still stings. I'm sure most girls will feel the same
Vote with your dollar: This goes for both men and women but mostly women. Women are half the population and women are by far the bigger consumers of products and services. Men don't buy a lot of things, which is why advertisers use so much sexualisation and objectification of women to get men to buy their stuff. So if a company, movie or TV channel puts out objectifying ads, go elsewhere.
Now that you've seen the Burger King ad above, choose McDonalds over them when you can. Or better even a local restaurant.
American Apparel is bankrupt partially because of a backlash to their infamously objectifying ads. And they deserved it.
If a news channel continuously has to settle sexual harassment claims, hires only pretty women and forbids them from wearing pants, don't watch it.
Vote with your vote! I mentioned Donald Trump earlier and he's in good company. If a congressman says this about a woman kneeling down in the white house, don't vote for him.
"you can just explain to me that circumstance, because she really looked kind of familiar in that position there. Don’t answer — and I don’t want you to refer back to the ’90s"
And it's not just america, for someone who has been found guilty of statutory rape, Silvio Berlusconi was in charge of Italy for way too long
Don't do it ! As I said earlier, I used to be a model. My problem was that when I was no longer a teenager, I became too fat for the fashion industry. But not too fat for men's magazines. When my agency dropped me that's the advice they gave. There's good money in it and you want feel attractive and desired. So I get it's tempting. A lot of girls dream to be on the cover of the magazines because they think all men will want them then.
But when you do that, you're being part of the problem. And I think unless it's out of bare necessity, no girl should do it. You have all those girls on Instagram now posting sexy pictures of their bodies for nothing.They don't need to do it, no one is forcing them to. As I said I get where they're coming from, so much but you'd be better off doing something worthwhile with your life. Something that's not posing in bikinis for strangers on the internet.
For guys I guess it would be don't encourage girls to do it. But most guys don't have to be told, they know that they don't want women they love to be treated like that. Women on the other hand sometimes even go as far as telling themselves it's empowering, which it really isn't.
That's it. So bring on the downvotes guys ...
What Girls & Guys Said
20 60I'm not gonna do anything about it because I'm insecure. Also, because most of the damage is caused by other women.
Not my fault and not my problem.
No one forces women to objectify themselves, it's their own personal choice. Women choose to be models, strippers, porn stars, prostitutes, etc.
Besides, what's so wrong about admiring an attractive woman? Is it taboo to now feel attraction?
I like the way you think
@Anastasiya00 Thank you. :)
I think women should be beautiful, men should be worthy of such a beauty by being awesome, able to take care of her and her (their) offspring, and provide a good life for her.
It's the mating game that's been going on forever and it's not changing at ALL.
In the oldest days, women were seen as little more than servants. Maids and/or sex slaves. And you know what... things don't seem to have changed much for most men, even after literally millenniums! Some guys like me don't feel that way, but still... (I can still say those girls are super hot, though. lol)
Do you really think trashing your gender while trying to promote yourself is going to work?
@BubbleBoy69 I'm not promoting myself, but a percentage of men that I am part of. I'm not saying I'm better than everyone else.
Women love being objectified.
Why should men help women get rid of their insecurities if women won't do the same to men?
Interesting thoughts. This isn't going to happen over night.
when i saw Laci Green i didn't bothered reading the rest at all
Lol come on, this seems like women leaving it up men to fix WOMEN'S behavior.
Girls feel inadequate because they compare themselves to other women and have an animal instinct to be the "best" female. So it makes them feel inadequate when they aren't.
Women who say they dress for themselves are lying to themselves and others. NO woman dresses for herself,
even if she thinks she is, she is dressing in something she thinks looks "good" or is trying to look a certain way based on societies standards of what looks attractive to men. This is why the first thing a female does when trying on clothes is turn and look at her ass. It has to look "good" because like a baboon... flaunting your behind is how you draw in a mate.
And those women who can't make those things work for them, create campaigns to tell men that they "should find fat attractive" or "girls should like themselves no matter what (even when it's not healthy)"
Wanting male approval is not a sign of weakness, it's biology. It's part of being a mammal.
In the real world, men do only care about sex and looks. That, as well, is simple biology.
Our animal programming is no different for us than your's is for you.
As a male mammal, we only need you for mating and raising our young.
As much as societal pressures to be more interactive with you have created what women now expect in interrelational coexistence... We are not meant to be your constant pat on the back, your ego boost, your self-esteem assistance.
If we want companionship, we get that from other males without the judgment, shaming, and drama of females.
We can be ourselves around other guys but we can't be our true selves around women without there being some stigma created or shame. Women are too judgmental and care more about "feelings" first over all else.
Men don't care about "feelings". We show we care by ridiculing each other and making snide remarks to one another. Women are incapable of dealing with these things and take it to heart.
We don't have a "role" in women's vanity. Except for the basic instinct of women to want our approval.
But we can't change that. Society isn't characterizing you, it's been created around natural female characteristics.
The reason females back in the early 20th century focused on morals and edicate is because back then people could tell girls to be proper and how to act. Today women are entitled and spoiled and you can't tell them shit without them getting offended or starting a campaign to shame those who said women need to be a certain way.
Women's happiness has declined massively in the last 50 years because as women get away from gender roles, they become less happy. Likely because you are forcing an unnatural process that goes against natural instinct. Which is why back in the day women were worth more than just sex. They did their part and stopped trying to pretend they could do men's part. They didn't expect men to stop being men. Back then women carried themselves with more dignity and morals and men were more cordial to them (because they deserved it). The spoiled, almost naked, entitled diva's of today don't deserve to be treated like "ladies". Hitlery winning the election would NOT have been a win for women. She protected rapists and has done many horrible things against women in the past. Trump is an idiot but that's about it. The truth about magazine women is that men know it isn't real, it's women who see it as something they need to be. Men see it as "FANTASY" nothing more.
Most guys older than teens will tell you the pic you posted of S. L. is ideal and a real woman. The first before PS image girl was more attractive than the after. Male sexualization is not different in any way, except that women excuse male sexualization and constantly suggest men are the reason for female sexualization. Women objectify women more than men do... studies prove this. Visual fantasy (porn) is not an example of anything but visual fantasy. That's like saying that mental female fantasy is a representation of what women really want. We know it isn't. It's just fantasy. The only people who cat call are scum bag and garbage humans. No one of class or general standards cat calls. You don't see men in suits cat calling, you see construction workers and wanna be thugs cat calling. We are not going to be the cat call police. If you get cat called tell the guy to fuck off yourself.
NO ONE EVER says women deserve to be raped for ANY reason! That's just bullshit feminist speak. But women who feel entitled to walk the streets practically naked should be called out for it. Have some respect for the children and parents who don't want to see your shit just because you feel nudity = attention and you want to be "the best of the females" in regards to attention. Women are hypocrites. Women call men fat openly (to their face) and without ridicule, they also see nothing wrong with it. They have nothing to gain from it, either. Therefore telling a female she is fat, if she is fat, is no different than telling a guy he needs to lose some weight. Respect goes both ways. "Whatever happened to common decency" it went away with women feeling entitled to be naked in public for cheap attention. Women have lost ALL common decency and once again only like to point out men's actions while ignoring completely the entitled spoiled brat actions of themselves.
If a 15yr old model is dressing sexually because she is being paid, then THAT 15yr old and her parents are responsible for sexualizing her. NOT society. She gave up her morals for cash. People saying things like "where can I get a girl like her" is NO different than a female saying "where can I get a guy like that" it isn't about seeing people as groceries... it's simply a phrase PEOPLE use. Sexual Harassment claims are generally oversensitive women causing a media stink to get attention. The claims are generally bullshit. If we had to call women out on all the hateful or sexist bullshit they openly say without ridicule, there would be non-stop complaints. But unlike women, men generally let stupid shit go. The media generally hires attractive "PEOPLE" because it's the media and attractive sells. ...
Women also never seem to have issue with men being expected or told they can ONLY wear suits, while women have a selection of clothing options, but have no issue whining when a female is expected to wear a dress. FFS. Women buy magazines with pretty women on the cover the majority of the time. Men barely buy magazines. Tried to cover your entire post. Which I read ALL of, let's hope you do me the same respect.
Ah, sexual harassment - one of the three prongs on society's sex-based crime trident that envelopes a spectrum of behaviors so wide and scattered I have a hard time not finding it ridiculous, petty in its attention-seeking and collectively is an unofficial contest won by the most nonsensical and/or microscopic accusation. And notice it's never just harassment, and always has to be sexualized. Speaking to a woman. Holding a door for a woman. Picking up something a woman dropped. Unwanted approach. Unwanted conversation. Unwanted anything. Staring. Cat calling. Picking a hair or lint piece off a woman''s sleeve. Telling a raunchy joke. Telling a raunchy joke heard across the room by a woman. Glancing at breasts. Glancing at ass. Interrupting a woman. Not treating women like royalty. Rejecting a girl who can't take it. Not speaking in a manner befitting a queen. Having an opinion about sex, sexuality, porn, one-night stands, whatever. Vocalizing an opinion about sex, sexuality, porn, one-night stands... basically a subjective weapon for porcelain dolls offended by everything. When I was in high school from 1984-1988 sexual harassment was barely a thing. Awareness came from a yearly assembly barely paid attention to, but that's about it. I think that assembly is the only time I heard those two words put together. The girls back then definitely had thicker skin, didn't expect boys to speak any other way except how boys do and therefore weren't easily offended... if they were who cared... they knew they weren't angels either. Weren't entitled that I remember. And we had real free speech back then. There wasn't any bellyaching like today. We could handle more as teenagers than some professors can today.
Fun fact with no connection to the theme: some kids would go hunting after school, and if going back home was the opposite way, they'd bring their hunting rifles to school and stick them in their lockers 'til the end of the day. No one cared. New Jersey, in case you're wondering.
Please. There's nothing inherently wrong with sexualization and objectification. We all want to feel sexy. We all want people to physically desire us.
seen laci green to many times she is stupid
"What men can do about it." No, fuck off. If you're insecure or some other women are insecure how is that in any way my responsibility to deal with? You have a victim mentality.
You wrote this incredibly well
Rules for girls:
1. Be thin
The rest of this crap like eyebrows and she's and hair is 100% on women because men could care less and usually fail to notice.
One more thing, all the things you said men can do to help? That would require lying and doing things we hate. All the things you said not to do are all the tings we enjoy and reasons we can exist in the same country as women peacefully.
this whole conversation reminds me to go to the titty bar tonight!
Just be thin? HA! if only it were that easy.
@MaxxiBonn Well, among men my age that would get you pretty far. This assumes you aren't draining the bank account or engaging in any completely pyschotic behavior. I can safely say this is true for all of my friends and coworkers of similar age.
Yes, i do notice this is an age thing. Older men, not that you're old but men in the 35 and up sort of range do tend to be less picky about women. Guys my age, that being 21, won't even look at you if you're just thin. Must have boobs. Must have butt. Can't decide if they want thick legs or thin legs. Must be fit, but still soft. Idevenk how that works!
For real girls should do the same when comes to girls, furthermore is media you chose if you believ it or not. Like romantic fairytales, SF books, porn and movies, media has the same cover.
Most of the base on the "JUDGE A BOOK BY IS COVER" so they sell as fantasies which are far from reality. As individual most of this garbage make us harm then good that's the reason guys and girls become alienated towards their sexuality and comunication, what comes useful as tehnology seems made us more harm then the difficulties that were before.
Females have always used their bright plumage to attract a mate. It's something that's ingrained on a biological level. That is all they are doing when they are posing on Instagram, in magazines and so forth.
Women assume we are flirting or that we just want sex if we tell them we apreciate them. They overthink and go into to detail too much. There is no turning back once she has decided you are in it for the pussy, or if she assumes its that way.
Lol every single guy who has answered is against. you on this and i can add my name to that list. If a woman has a problem, it always has to be a mans fault, if a woman has a problem a man always has to sort it for her. Aside from this i don't think women can really complain, they objectify men all the time.
She also ignores how men are sexualized i commercials as well they are models it's kinda their job
@ManDudeBro Yes and and with poldark which is a UK TV show and in papers, where you get all sorts of slutty, objectifying comments from women but when you do it back, they get all jealous and say it is sexist or resort to petty insults.
Well this is a take about men's role in this, so of course it's one sided, as in it only looks at one side, not all possible variables. I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid. It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't. Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines, but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.
sorry but there is nothing you can do about this. Its biological that men only want/need women for sex and reproduction, and thus we mostly care about your looks and personality. while women care about our looks but more so about our wealth and status.
So whats worse, being valued for looks like women are, or valued by how much money you like men are? i think women can't complain because how you look is at least part of who you are, while the ammount of money you have is external and doesn't say much about who you are as a person.
The reason i and many men have a hard time sympathising with women about this is because women who dont look like models still get lots of attention from men, most average or above average women will have many men wanting them, the issue however is that the men who want these women are often not considered good enough for these women who are equally shallow if not more so for wanting high status high wealth males only. Women complain because they are hypergamous and want to date up in social value. You do all sorts of things to artificially improve your looks and then expect to date a rich guy or a celebrity. or only men over 6' feet etc. All women even if they dont abide to media standards of beauty would still be able to get men who appreciate them but you would have to lower your standards for that to happen.
Men and women aren't equal, men only need you for sex and reproduction, while you need men for that as well as protection, resources and utility. This is the biological root of this phenomenon you are describing, and its never going away.
beautifully executed.
@KINGNIGGA123 thanks. Its hilarious to watch the butthurt females who downvoted me though while none dared to challenge these facts i stated with any comments, very predictable though because they know what im saying is true.