Is a vaginectomy the best thing a married woman can get?

Anonymous

My girlfriend was talking with an older friend who said she had to get a complete vaginectomy because of a tumor. She's now cancer free (she hopes). But she also added this was the best thing to ever happen to her cause she no longer needs to put up with her husband's sexual needs cause she can't have sex anymore. Her husband has to deal with it cause it's a medical problem. She also opted out of reconstructive surgery and says she doesn't need it.

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Most Helpful Girls

btbc92 Master
+1 y
Oh no, she needs to just divorce if she is going to neglect her husband sexually on purpose. Then if he feels the need to cheat, she can't complain. Just because she is in remission, that does not give her the right to treat her husband like that. She has problems, and she is very clear she is not sexually attracted to her husband anymore. I have more pity for the husband than her. That is wrong. That is a sin she is commenting. He already has to deal with not getting sex, why torture him more? She is his wife. That is her wifely duties she committed to with her vows. The only reason why he would stay is because of love, but she at the end of the day is using him.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Wait, what is she supposed to do? She got a total vaginectomy, that means she's not denying him sex just based on her will. (Yeah I know she can still do anal and mouth, but maybe the husband doesn't like that)
- btbc92
  +1 y
  @Asker I'm not even supporting anal or oral sex. What I am saying is that her thinking that she needs to 'put up' with him is the problem. That means she doesn't like having sex with him. That is wrong. This has 0 to do with the vaginectomy. But her attitude. And that will cause problems in her marriage. That is what I'm looking at, and what some people are saying.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I know women tend to think sex is more about cuddling and looking into your eyes rather than genital contact and stimulation, but men tend to put a lot more emphasis on the latter. That's why I believe all the women are reacting this way (i. e. that it has nothing to do with the vaginectomy and more to do with her attitude).
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- btbc92
  +1 y
  @Asker All women are NOT that way. Your generalizing, and that is dangerous. That has nothing to do with her. She is just being very stubborn and hates having sex with him. That's bitterness. A marriage cannot last like that. When you have sex, you end up becoming ONE flesh. So her hating him is hating herself. She doesn't realize what a marriage is. And she either cleans up her act, or just go, and let him find somebody else who wants to be his wife and is not repulsive to having sex with him. If he is not abusive and overly demanding, then there is no excuse why she feels the way she feels. So unless she is so sick that her libido is low to none at all, then she is in the wrong. When my late mother was living and had cancer and MS. She couldn't really have sex because it was so low and dropping. And my dad was already mistreating her because he figured that he was entitled to sex all the time, and threatened to divorce her, take full custody of me and cheat on her.
- btbc92
  +1 y
  @Asker What I'm saying is that despite her having problems, a loving wife or husband would not say such things about their spouse. Even if she could never have sex again. To actually have an attitude as if she hates him sexually is wrong. That is what I'm pointing out.
Anonymous
+1 y
Damn I feel sorry for her husband. What a bitch. he needs to divorce her quick time. Sounds like she's happy about it. Ofcourse it's not the best thing a married woman can get. UNLESS if it was absolutely necessary for medical reasons. If she's ok with her husband fucking around on her then sure. I seriously hope if she isn't fucking him, she's sucking his dick or doing some other crazy shit for him!
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Why do you feel a woman owed her husband sexual pleasure?
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  She doesn't owe him anything but we are human and we have needs. sex is a huge part of a relationship. To me... that is when I feel most connected to my partner. I love that time with him. It isn't always about the sex, but that connection for me. When she married him, she vowed to give herself to him and with that, comes sex. I guess it's just an unspoken rule
BuchitaBuchys Guru
+1 y
She's either gay or asexual.
I love sex and that would be terrible for me. I'd only want that once I give up hope in getting married or finding someone. But if I'm already with someone, sex isn't typically a chore.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Even if you did get a vaginectomy couldn't you still have anal? Or use your mouth?
- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  But that's not pleasurable
- Asker
  +1 y
  Why wouldn't it be pleasurable? Isn't sex about the emotional connection for woman? I don't think it's that important for women to have orgasms, as long as there's intimacy.
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- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  Lol I want to orgasm too
- Asker
  +1 y
  I didn't say you didn't. It's just that I heard most women say don't need to orgasm during sex even though they would like it. They say it's not really THAT important.
- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  It is to me
- Asker
  +1 y
  Well you're in a very small minority.
- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  I wouldn't say very small. A mistake many men make is assume that our orgasms aren't important. They are. I'll masturbate, but some will resort to cheating. It's not right and I don't advocate it, but sexual pleasure is important for both/all parties involved, especially in ltr.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Nothing justifies cheating. Especially not something as silly as female orgasms. If some women thinks it's THAT important she should discuss it with her partner to see how he can improve his techniques.
- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  Of course nothing justifies cheating. But like it or not, many men and women cheat because of sexual dissatisfaction
- Asker
  +1 y
  It is generally men who cheat because they need sex and can't get it at home. Women cheat because they aren't getting enough attention and emotional connection.
- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  Lol lots of chicks cheat because her man can't throw that dick down
- flypaper
  +1 y
  I am with you Buchita. Orgasms are important. I am able to put his needs first sometimes but if he loves me too he should be trying to do the same so we both always get there.
- BuchitaBuchys
  +1 y
  @flypaper thank you. I keep seeing on here that men don't think we think orgasms are important to us or they just don't think our orgasms are important and I'm like woah woah woah, hold on there. Who told you this? Lol
- flypaper
  +1 y
  I KNOW!!! It's just as important just woman get in the rutt of putting themselves second esp. sexually. She wants to make sure you get there, you should be trying to make sure she does too and not just going... oh well, you don't need that. It's not healthy and I can't see the relationship lasting forever. Doesn't it seem like that's why some relationships stagnate after marriage. Both partners need to be looking out for eachother.

Most Helpful Guys

cth96190 Guru
+1 y
An estimated one in five married women do not want to have sex with their husbands.
This story about a woman who did not want to have sex with her husband is another example to support the argument that marriage is a bad deal for men.
MGTOW
See:
www.aww.com.au/.../what-to-do-when-youre-in-a-sexless-marriage-21555
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Saoirse_Nua Guru
+1 y
Maybe for some but plenty of married women enjoy a great sex life
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- Asker
  +1 y
  True. But most see it as a chore.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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Wonderer89 Master
+1 y
Sad that she viewed it as "putting up with her husbands needs" and ever sadder that she's happy to stand behind a medical problem to decline him and let him feel guilty and trapped about having his normal sexual urges.
This would be a horrible situation to me
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Women don't owe sex to men though. They're not sex objects.
- Wonderer89
  +1 y
  I never said they did or that they were. I said it's a horrible thing for a woman to find her husbands touch so distasteful she is happy a medical condition will deter it for the rest of their lives
Elarra Editor
+1 y
Sounds more like an excuse for her husband to cheat. What woman is happy to deny her husband sex?
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Most married women deny their husbands sex regularily. Facts and statistics.
- Elarra
  +1 y
  He shouldn't get it just because he asks. Both should be in the mood. But to deny it forever? Rude.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Most women don't deny it forever. Some women give it up once every month. Some women give it up only once a year. 90% of his advances are rebuked.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  But even when they do give it up, they still se it as a chore.
- Elarra
  +1 y
  Then the man is doing something wrong if it's just viewed as a chore. He's doing something to put her off from wanting to give it up.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Not really. Most women naturally lose their sex drive some years into the marriage.
- Elarra
  +1 y
  Nope, it's the guy
- Asker
  +1 y
  Guys always want sex. That's why there's female prostitutes for men but no male prostitutes for women.
- goldfinch23
  +1 y
  You are totally wrong, dude. There are loads of male prostitutes for women.
- Asker
  +1 y
  @goldfinch23 no actually there aren't.
- goldfinch23
  +1 y
  Yes, there are. I had some friends who were doing it as their second job.
Kaazsz Yoda
+1 y
I see what you did there op!
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somebodysaycheese Explorer
+1 y
lol. she sounds like she is secretly gay
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- Asker
  +1 y
  How so? Don't most women get tired of having sex after many years of marriage?
- somebodysaycheese
  +1 y
  I m going to let you in on a little secret. Only reason why women stop having sex with a man is because she is no longer attracted to you sexually/physically or mentally. i know tons of marriages where the women cannot stand her husband but still is attracted to him sexually so they have sex and dont talk afterwards.
- Asker
  +1 y
  And isn't it inevitable that most married women will stop being sexually attracted to their husbands when he's aged 35 or 40? In which case isn't natural to assume the woman with the vaginectomy isn't gay but is just another married woman who got tired of sex?
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- somebodysaycheese
  +1 y
  women is in her sexual prime in her 40's. If she isn't having sex with you she is getting it somewhere else.
- Asker
  +1 y
  That really isn't true. A woman's sexual prime is her teens and 20s. From her 30s on her sex drive dwindles and at menopause it disappears.
- somebodysaycheese
  +1 y
  lol said no women or gyno ever. Its 40's a mans is in his 20's.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm sorry that's just not true.
- Thisperson98
  +1 y
  @somebodysaycheese is correct.
- Asker
  +1 y
  @Thisperson98 Shouldn't you be off writing "Trump 2016!" everywhere? What are you doing here?
- Thisperson98
  +1 y
  Asker, what does Trump have to do with this topic?
jacquesvol Master
+1 y
If she's asexual or a lesbian in the closet then MAYBE.
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Negrodamuss Explorer
+1 y
Yea they won't be married for much longer.

My condolences
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- Asker
  +1 y
  I think they will.
Waffles731 Editor
+1 y
She sounds like she is asexual
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Most married women are.
- goldfinch23
  +1 y
  Sounds like you living surrounded by only helpless weirdos. People in my surrounding has a great sex life even after 25 years of marriage.
Ladyslipper Xper 7
+1 y
Wtf hope she doesn't mind him sleeping with other women and probably just divorcing her
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- Asker
  +1 y
  I don't think any man with morals would do that to his wife if she'd been through medical problems (as popposed to her being able to have sex and witholding it, in which case he should have the right to divorce)
Blitzkrieger Guru
+1 y
LMAO not taking care of her husband's sexual needs. there is always anal.
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Anonymous
+1 y
If she said that she does not actually love her husband. No woman in love refers to sex as putting up with his needs.
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Anonymous
+1 y
That's sad that she viewed it as "putting up with her husbands needs." It's sad that she didn't enjoy sex with her husband. It's sad that he didn't please her in bed.

Vaginectomy shouldn't be the best thing for a married woman, because ideally both the husband and wife enjoy the sex. (Meaning, they both orgasm).
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- Asker
  +1 y
  I think there tends to be a time when a woman does enjoy sex, this is usually in the years when she is his girlfriend and fiance, and perhaps 10 years into the marriage she'll still enjoy it. But after that I think most women would just see it as a chore. That's just what I observed.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  And I'm saying it shouldn't be that way. Those couples need to find a way to keep sex life enjoyable for both people. She shouldn't have to see it as a chore. Why did she stop enjoying it? Is he not keeping it interesting enough? Not trying hard enough? That might mean making an effort to try new things, and I think couples should do that. Otherwise, if the wife really doesn't want to have sex, then they just don't have sex. Otherwise its getting close to marital rape...