Is he getting sex somewhere else?

[Anonymous]

We use to have a great sex life but since he went away with friends at the being of December he has not touched me. He has now even stopped kissing me he turns so i kiss his cheek when he drops me off at work even. We are engaged getting married next year and live together

[AustinMan]

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. The most important thing now is to keep calm and not go psycho bitch, no offense.

I feel like it's imperative that you sit him down and just confront him about it. You need to be calm, direct and matter of fact about presenting your facts. Then ask him, without using an accusatory tone, if he's having an affair. Then sit back and shut up. Just put an expectant smile on your face like you anticipate him truthfully telling you no. Prepare yourself for both yes and for him to lie. If you detect that he's lying, stay calm and just tell him, in your calm, matter of fact voice, that you don't believe him and that it's really important that he tell you the truth. You can even go on to say that you're willing to work with him if 1) he gives up the affair right then and right there, 2) send one final message to his mistress that he's out, and 3) that he engages with you to try to rebuild the trust in the relationship. If he agrees, tell him he's going to have to work to regain your trust and that means transparency about what he's doing, who he's doing it with, where and when, and when can expect him home. If he can't live with those demands, I submit you need to decide if you can live in a poly relationship or need to bail.

[AustinMan]

Thanks for the MHO. What happened?

[Asker]

Apparently he not been cheating but he doesn't feel happy in the relationship and is giving it a month to sort it see if we can fix it and if nt he wants us go separate ways xx so not much after just short of 5 years together xxx

[AustinMan]

Has he told you what he's dissatisfied about specifically? If you want to stay with him, I feel like it's imperative to find out. Have you considered a good couple's counselor? I learned a LOT when I went to marriage counseling with my ex. I left her anyway but I learned that I could sit down with a woman and ask for what I want and that, generally, if it wasn't too outrageous, she'd bust her ass (literally for me since I'm really into spanking) to give it to me. Maybe he doesn't understand that. I feel like the vast majority don't.

[Asker]

Nope he won't explain properly. Also he said no one is allowed to know about the fact he has given a month to sort us out he has banned me from discussing it with him or anyone. But he has now told me he will be workin late for next few weeks so we won't even b able to spend more time together. i have also found out all previous partners he has been with have all been mutual decision so never his fault. So im wondering if it might be a move he pulls so he can't be blamed.

[AustinMan]

I feel like it's time to assert your status as his equal partner and demand that he take the time for counseling. That you don't necessarily believe they were all mutual and that if he is just delaying the inevitable (working late supports that hypothesis), you'd rather him pull the trigger now. That said, if he is genuinely interested in working things out, it requires the investment of time and energy and you demand that he make that investment as a show of good faith and go to counseling.

[ReneDS]

hmmm, i have been , im still going through the same situation, the girl i m in love with, would be very affectionate at times, but at the same time, tells me to keep my hands of her, sometimes in the same day... i really dont know what i can think, and in your situation you can't know either what to think. Maybe take a step back, be less affactionate , unlike you, the girl im in love with shows signs of deep resentment and hatred towards me and i dont know why. sometimes the best thing you can do, is to be honest and tell how you feel. Im going to do that by letter today, and she might get angry or the letter will be an eye opener to her, she refuses to talk to me and even insults me and goes as far as treathing to call the police, i really dont know if she will read my letter, and how she will react but i feel like i did my best

[WpCurious]

He maybe have a bit of cold feet. Just talk to him and ask him what is going on. You are in fact engaged and should be able to talk through your problems.

[zombiebabe]

can't really tell... he might be having sex somewhere else are there any other red flags?

[VeryBiFun]

Yes he is getting is somewhere else and probably has met someone that he has fallen for. Sorry if that is brutally honest, but having been there myself, it is what I am assuming.

[TheWiseOwl]

He could be having an affair or he may just not be attracted or interested in you and is tired of the relationship and hopes you get the message.