Is he using me for my body? Has it always been physical?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years. At first, it did start off hot and steamy (like how most relationships do) and things were going okay. However, shortly after we began dating, he got mad at me for not informing him I wasn’t on birth control even though he never asked me and he always wore a condom + pulled out. I told him that, and he continued to be deathly afraid of me becoming pregnant to the point he wanted to not have sex until I got onto a birth control method.

I was already thinking about starting birth control at the time so it wasn’t a major deal to go to the doctor to get it, even though I felt a little forced to do so. After I got on it, we continued and he started to develop more sexual demands. He wanted to stop wearing a condom to finishing in me, but wasn’t comfortable with the method I was on in pregnancy prevention. At that time, I was the skinniest I ever been due to working at a labor intensive job and hardly eating due to being so busy. He kept insisting I get on a long-term method (iud specifically) so I did because I wanted to satisfy/be wanted by him.

the IUD, pandemic, family stress, and grad school caused me to gain a lot of weight quickly. He tried to tell me he was now worried about me in that department which made me insecure about my body since I always have been my whole life. I have been trying my best to lose the weight but it’s been difficult to my new diagnosis of PCOS among other things.

when I spend time with him at his place or during times we hang out, it feels like he’s slightly embarrassed to be seen with me because of my size. Even our sex life has slowed down a lot due to him not wanting to have it like how he used to at the beginning. I would try to initiate it and he’d say “all you want is sex now” and whenever we do have it, it’s only for his satisfaction. I worry that he’s wanting or only liked the skinnier/outer me rather than my personality. I’m not sure what to do or think.

[SnowedIn]

I don't know that I'd say using. Likewise not sure about physical.

But, he's the easy one: be done with him. He is controlling and selfish and clearly doesn't respect you or your body.

(And, you aren't required to be on birth control [that's your choice] but you should tell your partners.)

[ShiftingMonke]

Laid out the way you did, that seems pretty clear cut; I think he really does have a controlling. mindset towards you and your body. I'm curious how you feel about him though.

[Asker]

What do you mean how I feel about him?

[ShiftingMonke]

He doesn't seem to care about your weight from a view of health; he only cares about it for his own personal satisfaction. That's really kinda horrific in itself. And to try to manipulate your health choices, with the birth control, is also grossly controlling. Aside from your history together, I don't know why you would want to stay with him- you haven't expressed any positive attributes of this guy.

[Asker]

He worried about it health wise too a little bit. He did want me to start going to the gym with and without him so I can get the weight off since it wasn’t healthy but I feel like it could be a coverup for his satisfaction. I mean I put a lot of effort and time into this, and he’s a good guy besides in this stuff and communication.

[ShiftingMonke]

It could be a cover up- his drive to get you to the gym- or it could be genuine also. And if he's a good guy about everything else besides this and communication (which is really common by the way) then it would seem he's not using you for your body after all. It seems kind of up in the air, based solely on what you've shared.

[Anonymous]

Ugh if a man insisted I take birth control I’d insist he found another woman lol

😳 Do iuds cause weight gain, I have one because I can’t use hormonal bc?

[Asker]

It caused me to gain a lot of weight yeah.. I used the hormonal one. But it wasn’t sudden, it was like over a few months

[Opinion Owner]

Wow sorry 😕 I have the copper one

[Opinion Owner]

Anyway I hope you leave this controlling asshole

[LazerBean]

Yes.

[Asker]

Explain please

[LazerBean]

What needs to be explained? It's obvious.

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one who pursued you and hit on you

[Anonymous]

smh why do women gain weight then wonder why guys want to have sex with them less then be all confused like 'wha do I do?' Just eat less food and lose weight

[Asker]

I gained weight from stress and birth control, I have lived the same lifestyle when I first met him to now. Plus it shouldn’t matter how much weight I gain, he should still want me for me. If he gained weight like me, I wouldn’t judge him and make him feel wanted always

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry gaining weight makes you less sexually attractive