Sexual Relationships
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Is it a bad idea to start having casual sex to gain more confidence?

I lost my virginity very late though not through casual sex because I was never the type for it before.
I am incredibly insecure in myself. I don't know much about sex and I don't know how to be sexy and attract guys.
But I also want to know whats out there. I want to feel desired and like I can actually turn someone on. So I started getting into the idea of casual dating to become more confident in myself and my ability to attract someone.
But I am torn right now. I am very emotional, insecure and like relationships more actually.
But I am not confidnt enough for a relationship i feel.
I hope to become more confident but what if I get the opposite and I get even more insecure because I would feel like guys are only using me as sex object? Would I be able to be above that?
Will it empower me or bring me down more?
How do I know?
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • It's really important that the causal dating or sexual experiences isn't about desire for attention. It won't do you any good. You can try casual sex for the pleasure or just to see what you think. I've tried it and for me I didn't like it, I would like to try having a friends with benefits but it's not so easy to find. I usually stick to sexting though the same applies here that you really shouldn't do it just for attention desire. It won't help your insecurity and you will likely regret it.

    I'd start with sexting and see how that feels important you find someone trustable or be aware that some might spread your photos/videos. Then I'd try casual sex and see what you think.

    Just remember that don't try any of this if you aren't interested. You must actually want to try it. If you want to chat about this subject more you can follow me or message me.

    • I think I can do it because sex has lost some of it's wonder after finally trying it out but I am worried about how it will make me feel afterwards. I just want someone to find me attractive enough to want me. And I want to learn what attracts guys and what I can do to turn them on. I wanna feel like I can do that. I was a complete non sexual person before and I want that to change. And my insecurieties are sabotaging a relationship because I actually are invested in the guy and want him to like me but with casual things I just need to worry about if they like what I do for them. It seems easier and quicker. And with less potentiel to get seriously hurt.

    • Understand completely, if you want to do it then do it. If you want to try sexting then I might be able to help with that. We all need some attention sometimes and I definitely can feel that as well. One night stands wasn't for me so sexting is the next best thing but you should try one night stand and see what you think.

  • Getting fucked by random men won't magically bestow you with confidence. Confidence comes from finding the courage to live in congruence with your deepest values and desires.

    If you know deep down you want a relationship, then have the courage to double down on that. Show the men [whom you consider as potential boyfriends] just how great a girlfriend you could be for the right man. A gentle, romantic, sensitive soul such as yourself can get lost in casual hookups, and lose all sense of identity. Then when you meet a great guy, he'll pass you off as "not relationship material" because you doubled down on the wrong lifestyle, instead of focusing on attracting the relationship you desire deep down.

    That said, there's nothing wrong with casual sex in and of itself. But its no cure-all solution, and it can have unintended consequences

    • I know all that. But I have lived my life unil now without ever feeling like someone was interested in me. Like I was missing value because I did not have the experience in dating/sex/eroticism. I feel like an incomlete human being because of it and looking for a relationship takes much time and effort I can't take at the momentI think. I want to feel love but I just got my heart broken and I wasn't able to commit to the relationship as much as I would have wanted to because I always felt like this missing part I did not have in me would make the relationship also lack this part and it did kind of. So I was thinking if I gain these insights and get positive feedback I will be able to make future relationships complete and working. I know why can't I do that in a relationship you ask, but I tried and it took too long and I stayed insecure because I really cared about the bond I had. If it's not an emotional attachement I thought I will be able to move with less overthinking and worry on my mind and be more relaxed.

    • The fundamental problem is that you feel incomplete. You theorise, then, that the way to become complete is to explore sexual promiscuity. It's a fine enough theory, but in testing that theory, you may find the costs greater than the payoff. I think the solution is to be found inside yourself-- not out there in the world of casual dating/sex. (although we can't know for certain it WON'T help, because as they say, "you can't prove a negative". ) Maybe you need to take a journey into your own psyche (or "spirit", if you wish to conceptualise it that way). Figure out the roots of these insecurities. In that comment alone you brought up heavy themes like: inability to process heartbreak; the difficulty of finding time and effort to start a relationship; the negative association between emotional attachment and insecurity, etc. You need to sort through all of this in your mind and body, so you can formulate a better map of reality that fulfils your needs and overcomes these mental/emotional limitations. It's not gonna be easy. But I'm not convinced casual sex is the peg to fit this particular hole.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Sex doesn’t build confidence in self esteem. It builds confidence in you ability to have sex. If you want to build confidence in yourself you need to change the way you think about yourself.

    • Thats what I want. I want to be more sexual and confident that I can turn someone on and make them want me. Everything else I will work on sperately.

  • I got a lot of confidence in the bedroom by doing that. But you have to be very careful as it’s so easy to catch feelings. Once that happens, you need to end it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 8

  • Casual sex gives you experience but not confidence.

    In fact, many girls here lamented abouy going casual (e. g. feeling like a whore) yet asks immature questions showing that they are not sexually mature nor confident.

    If you had sex about 10 times, you should have enough experience.

    You should then learn to be sexually confident and find a boyfriend who is willing to go long term and be monogamous.

    Trust is a big factor to have great sex. And it's the basis for you to be vulnerable to him. Let him earn it and you surrounding yourself to him. This is commitment.

    These gives you sexual confidence.

  • You like monogamy more then go with that.

    • Didn't work out because I wasn't confident enough to be open with him. That's why I thought it would be easier with someone I don't feel emotionaly attached to.

    • I don't know up to you.

  • A better choice, if you do not want a "dating' relationship is a "Friends With Benefits".
    It is a friendship centered on sexual intimacy, but a friendship none the less. It takes discipline to find one, though.

    • I didn't say I want hookups or ONS. definitely not. I am looking for an ongoing arrangement with someone I can actually stand.

    • Fair enough. "friends with benefits" is not casual sex. It is an exclusive relationship for those who do not want "dating protocols". They are a friendship first, with the respect and consideration of them. Otherwise they have few rules. Contacts when not together are limited to this call or text: "Do you have time for sex..." and come from either party. They can be very restful and there will be fondness. And when a future dating relation starts, your standards for behavior will be (!) quite high. You won't put up with pettiness and selfishness because you have been sexualized with respect.

    • Well I consider everything besides a monogamous relationship under casual dating. Because casual implies not in a serious relationship to me.

  • You will feel used and your self esteem will plummet. Sex is not empowering unless u are doing it for the right reasons with the right person.

    Just sext if u wanna know if u can turn someone on thats the only truly safe form of sex

    • That's just a cop out. Some guys would fap to anything. I can't explain everything I feel well.

    • okay you know what do w/e the fuck you want, but I'm telling you, if you have sex as a way of overcoming insecurity, you will be sorely disappointed with your results

  • If you think it'll work, give it a try

  • If you believe it will help go for it

  • no its okay

  • This sounds like a good way to get an incurable disease.

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