Is it fair my wife doesn't want sex but also doesn't want me to sleep with anyone else?

My wife has had no sex drive since getting pregnant with our son 5 years ago now I unstood at just had a kid hormones etc. 5 years later It is even worse. We probably had sex 3 Times. Last year yet to have sex this year.


I try talking to her about it she says it get better but never puts the work in to fix the issue I asked her to see a doctor married councling etc. No action taken on her part. I am willing to work at it. Yey to have sex in the new year. by the way.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • First, you need to get support through a psychologist/therapist. Five years postpartum means there is likely some hormonal imbalance, or she has some kind of mental block about being a mother and a sexual partner... You have to decide if you want to keep being in this relationship if she does nothing. She needs to be medically and psychologically evaluated. If she refuses, she is refusing to be in a healthy marriage. Good luck.

    • She did go to post partem therapy shortly after maybe a year after he was born but then stopped she means well and does want things better she just doesn't work for them I don't know what it is but I need to start getting laid eventually lol

    • The problem is the "shortly." If this has been going on for FIVE years... shortly isn't going to cut it. She needs to commit to solving this problem. You both need to go together, and perhaps separately. It'll take a serious investment in your relationship on her part that she doesn't seem to realize is important. Is she the primary caregiver of three young children? This might be about resentment, too. If you had normal sexual relations up to a point, that is the giveaway right there.

  • Did she have a traumatic birth? Is she in any form of birth control? I have a 10 year old, 19 month old and 6 month old. We haven't done that since pregnant even then it was 2x. I'm waiting on a pre authorization for a week now for bc. I tracked everything before and still got pregnant so I'm waiting tad longer.

Most Helpful Guys



  • Tbh. Something is going on with her
    Find out. Maby psychological. Maby not. Personally. I'd be getting some elsewhere. I'm in the same boat. But I can go get it elsewhere. It's that, or she can get a job, move out, and bye falica. And if you knew my wife, she won't get a job. So yea... try adding on just being her meal ticket

  • There is no such thing as fair or not just what she is willing to do and not if she is not willing to fix it you need to decide what u want to do

    • Tough cause I won't leave my kids and would love to fix it with her but I have needs

    • Perhaps you need to position yourself to be the primary parent with full custody. Can you do this?

    • I already am the primary parent in terms of be the mom and dad to the kids don't get me wrong she loves them and me she just got weird after kids I think a lot has to do with her mother bringing her down non stop and disrespecting me to her all the time. Just because we leave 4 hours apart and her mom wants us to move there and thinks I'm the only reason we don't so she just rains havvoc

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 5
  • Its fair because that would be adulterous for you too. So dont cheat. Just tell her she even put out or you get a divorce

    • *either not even

  • Yeah that ain't normal, I have two small kids and I still crave sex. y'all need to get some type of threapy or shit just ain't gonna work out.

  • Fair? It doesn't matter. No one is going to make your wife have sex with you. She's refused you for years. The only question is "What are you going to do?" I see three choices: stay married to her and live without sex, stay married to her while having sex with someone else, or end the marriage.

  • Nope not fair at all

  • Just wank... until she's ready

  • It's not fair to condemn anyone to a sexless marriage ---or to one damaged by adultery.

  • To me that make pretty suspicious.

  • Not fair but if you do have sex, it is adultery if you do it with a person you are not married to while in a marriage.

  • mastubrate with porn and does she jealous of you? .

  • Hello dear

  • Cheat on her

  • the hardest part is that you want sex and she doesn't. you either break up like a man or find some compromise and she has to understand becuase, ultimately you have needs too. cheating is out of the question if you dont want to be a lying bastard.

    • Break up like a man not about that my kids mean more then sex

    • you're so sweet i admire that you put your family first. I guess if you can wait till your kids grow up, that would be the less disruptive thing to do for the sake of your family.

    • Maybe she we will come around to we don't fight or anything it's just weird feels kinda like we're roommates

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  • What is your gut telling you to do?

    • I still love her have hope I have a hard time just bailing on someone cause there mind got all fucked up after having my kids

    • I'm betting that you know in your heart of hearts that no psycho-babble is going to do shit for your situation. Counseling is the biggest scam on the planet. 1. Learn to live with your sexless marriage 2. Don't ask her, but tell her you're going to farm-out the task of sex to a third party 3. Dump her. Kids are resilient. They can survive divorce much more easily than they can survive having parents that resent each other.

    • Your spot-on correct. Counseling didn't do shit for my sexless marraige. All it did was drain my bank account. My ex was raped by her bible thumping father, and it messed her up for life. She was beyond fixing. It took a long time to realize that I did my best, but that wasn't good enough.