Is it healthy for me to fixate/chase after this girl?

I have a humongous crush on a girl. She is pretty, extremely nice, smart, has similar interests as me and is physically active. The problem is, I almost never see her because ahe lives in Germany and now even less since she's going to Africa for a year. She is a few years older than me and I think she has no idea I "like" her, she probably just sees me as a younger guy that's ok to be around.

Since I met her (like not long ago at all) I tried to live a good live to impress her. Almost no more videogames, less scrolling Reddit, quitting porn, took up drawing, went hiking, jogging, working out, learning more new things and excercising my brain instead of watching Netflix and trying to be less introverted and actually having friends, and most importantly trying to think more positive in order to get over seeing her so rarely, which is actually helping me a lot in my everyday life. I think about her all the time and really don't know if it's hurting me or helping me just focussing on her.

What could be considered bad is that she's christian and I'm not so I started praying and thinking about god, and although I still think he doesn't exist, it kinda gives me hope.

So what I'm asking is, is this healthy? Should I just try and move on or is it driving me to achieve more
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Most Helpful Girl

  • It kinda seems like it's a good thing, but for the wrong reasons. If you want to improve yourself you should do it for you and because you want to, not just to impress or please someone else. You might just be a romantic, but how well do you really know this girl? It seems like you might be putting her on a pedestal and idolizing her when the likelihood of a relationship is pretty low at the moment, considering where she lives and the visit to Africa. Why not focus on bettering yourself because you want to, and try to keep your options open to girls who live near you.

    • This kinda hurts, but I think you're right. I don't know her well at all and I'm probably just blindly worshipping her, I don't have a single idea what her flaws are. It would be great if something could actually happen, but it seems really unlikely, and I'd probably be crushed if she married someone else. I'm just scared I'll lose the drive I had and I'm a helpless introvert so actually meeting a girl is a challenge, and a girl liking me very unlikely.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think she have a chance with her. Long distance relationships are very difficult and draining. It’s great that you’re looking after yourself, but do it for YOU And NOT HER. Please put all of your energy into another girl, one that you’ll have a better chance with.

    • I don’t think you*

  • What you're doing is good for you, I worry that since you're doing it for her, she may get a guy or turn you down and you will become worse in those you stopped to get her after not actually getting her.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 4
  • Reach out to her. Ask her if she's interested in a deeper relationship. If she says yes, are you prepared to go to her?

  • Only you can decide. I think it is perfectly healthy. But what you should do, is only your own decision that you have to make alone.

  • Not healthy. If you want a romantic relationship then ask her.

  • It's healthy as there is a lesson you need to learn and will only do so through experience.