Is it normal for a guy to treat you disrespectfully when he’s horny?

[Anonymous]

Some background: I’m a virgin and haven’t experienced anything sexual other than this so I don’t know what’s “the norm” and what’s not which is why I’m asking this question.

This guy that I’ve been talking to likes to act disrespectful when he’s horny/speaking to me in a sexual way. For example, he says things like “suck on it and keep doing it until I tell you to stop” “shut up and keep sucking” “say you’re my whore” “slap your mouth” “do it now” “you like being my little slave don’t you?” “open your fkn legs” “don’t take it out of your mouth not even when you’re talking to me” “I wanna make you cry”

Out of all of this, the most disrespectful thing I find is that he cuts me off mid-sentence during a regular conversation and tells me to do things like “put my finger in my mouth and keep sucking until I say otherwise” (over the phone)
And when he’s done, he doesn’t make any effort to talk to me and just tells me to go to sleep and starts snoring off into my ear.

I have been very respectful and listened to whatever he’s told me and keep telling myself “it’s probably just a kink/fetish, he likes to be dominant” but I feel like I’m being treated like a toy/slave and I can’t help but feel bad.

[cicchis0]

No. It sounds like he learned about women from watching extreme porn videos. Tell him that you want a loving, respectful relationship, not to be treated like that, even as role play. If that's what he wants, he can find it somewhere else. You deserve better.

[bluehen46]

There are women who like that and if you do not make that VERY CLEAR To him. I am often my wife's "bad little boy" and i like it and it turns me on. Other guys would not want to be called that.

[Asker]

I get it. I’m open to extending my boundaries because I have an innate desire to please him because I like him. But he doesn’t even talk to me and every time he does it’s ALWAYS sexual and him making me do things and then interrupting me when I speak or even when I tell him sweet things like I love him.

[Cherokeehp]

No that’s not normal. Some people are into that but he shouldn’t have just assumed that you would be into it. You need to speak up for yourself and tell him you don’t like it. If he doesn’t stop then you need to leave him.

[Asker]

But I love him... I do want to speak up for myself but also do it in the most non-confrontational and peaceful way as possible. I respect him, whatever he’s into, I’d extend my boundaries for him because I do want to please him and make him happy. But I don’t want to be treated like a prostitute either while I treat him like he’s my husband. I want him to balance the aggressive sex talk with loving conversations and respect. Then we can both be happy and I can compromise. I just don’t know how to tell him to stop.

[Cherokeehp]

You sound like a child. You’re an adult. Grow some balls and speak up for yourself or else everyone will walk all over you for the rest of your life. You can tell him to stop politely, but don’t be scared of confrontation. It happens sometimes. It’s just a part of life that we all deal with.

[OneofAkind100]

Lol these kids think sex is like porn,,, you should tell him on the phone straight, Fuck you, you disrespectful bitch,

[Asker]

But it’s not a kid, it’s a 30 year old man.

[OneofAkind100]

Damn, lol, you scared or intimidated? He is probably not very expirienced

[Asker]

I’m 18 and a virgin I’m the one that’s not experienced. He has experience with women. He tells me he wants to break my virginity.

[OneofAkind100]

Do you want him to

[Asker]

Honestly no. I’m scared if I gave up my virginity I’ll become even more attached to him than I already am and wouldn’t be able to take it. But when I say no he says “would you at least give me a blowjob? handjob? dry fuck? mouth fuck?” And for someone that’s such a people pleaser it’s hard to give him a direct no especially over and over. I told him I don’t even want to suck his dick once and he said he was “cheesed off and can’t believe I wouldn’t be excited to do so”

[OneofAkind100]

He's not getting any,,,

[Grkgod12]

Lol
He sounds very immature.
While dirty talk can be fun on the right time, place, and mood , respect is very important!

[Asker]

He’s 30 and I’m 18. I’m supposed to be the immature one :(

[Grkgod12]

How long have you been together with him?

[Asker]

About 4 months. Although we haven’t had a talk about making it “official” even though I want to.

[Grkgod12]

Have you had boyfriends before?

[Asker]

No never. I’ve never even had my first kiss before him

[Grkgod12]

What was it like the first time you did anything sexual with him?

[Asker]

It felt like I gained a new level of maturity or adulthood and I was growing up and learning new things. And the first time he was respectful and sweet so I got butterflies in my stomach and couldn’t stop smiling and I just wanted to be perfect for him and do whatever he wants and please him. But as the days went on he got really aggressive and started moving on super fast. Imagine a guy pressurizing you to do anal when you’re at that level of inexperienced?

[Grkgod12]

I understand that it was exciting at first. But he really should respect you more, and be more sensitive to your feelings

[Grkgod12]

how far have you gone with him?

[Asker]

He keeps telling me he has so much respect for me, he wants me to be okay/successful/happy but then goes on again. It really confuses me

[Grkgod12]

Do you live with him, or? How far have you gone with him?

[Asker]

No I don’t live with him. He lives about 2 hours away so it’s kinda a long distance relationship

[Grkgod12]

Ok...

[Asker]

Yeah... why all the questions?

[Grkgod12]

Just curious about what you are going through

[Grkgod12]

Do you not like answering?

[Asker]

No It sounds like this is turning you on tbh lol...

[Grkgod12]

No, not. But I'm not going to lie. It might if we continue;)

[Asker]

How lol?

[Grkgod12]

Lol, well.. . tell me more

[Asker]

About?

[Grkgod12]

Your experiences !;)

[Grkgod12]

Good morning;)

[shadow425]

No its not normal at all and if you aren't comfortable with it id either tell him that or stop talking to him if he continues todo it after you tell him to stop

[Nature_Enthusiast]

That particular guy seems very rude and you should stop talking to them.

[Asker]

He keeps telling me “I have a lot of respect for you, hope you know”

[Nature_Enthusiast]

Well a respectful guy wouldn't treat you like rough. And if it's over the phone, in real life you may get hurt.

[Asker]

I keep telling myself that but the next day he comes back being all sweet and nice and I can’t help but continue talking to him.

[Nature_Enthusiast]

He's playing you. He understands you aren't learning from his behavior. You mentioned his behavior is good then bad... Flip flopping all the time. So he really doesn't respect you. He uses words but not actions.

[Asker]

What should I do? I don’t want to end it and break up because I still love him but I also want to set boundaries and respect myself... and I don’t want to give him my virginity. He’s someone that had had sex with countless woman though and is 30 years old I’m not sure how he’s gonna take me not giving in.

[Nature_Enthusiast]

Respect for yourself comes first. I know it's hard to think about moving on but you said you don't want to give him your virginity. That isn't love. I would call it a unhealthy relationship. You can message me for more advice. I'm not big on massive paragraphs. Stay true to yourself!

[Asker]

Thank you. You seem to be a lot more wise and mature at 18 than he is at 30 which is mind blowing. It’s at the point where I feel like the only people who would put up with his behaviour are prostitutes because they’re getting paid money for it.

[Anonymous]

Fuck him. And not in the good way.