Is it normal for a man to not become fully hard if he’s nervous?

I recently just started dating this guy. We had been talking for 6 months and he told me he’s in love with me and we made it official. There is A LOT of sexual tension between us. We’ve fooled around several times and have only had sex twice. I noticed when we’re messing around he’s not completely hard. He’s not soft either but not hard enough to make the sex good if that makes sense. Both times he lasted maybe 10 seconds and then he finished. He was upset and embarrassed which I told him I wasn’t upset at all. I was the first person he had sex with in two years so could this be because it’s been a long time for him? Of course I’m over thinking it like he’s not attracted to me or something but when we talked about it he said he gets in his own head so maybe he’s overthinking it too? I don't know but any advice would be great!
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Superb Opinion

  • YES – it is one of the most common reasons for it. Why a man cannot get hard enough or keep an erection for sufficient time is a very common problem occurring once in a while for almost all men, but if it is frequent – he need to consult sexologist and get some help. The most common issues in men’s sex life include performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction (ED). There is a strong connection between depression and performance anxiety and also there is a link between performance anxiety and ED. Performance anxiety happens when he feels stress about his body image or his ability to please his girl in the bed. Performance anxiety can cause and maintain sexual dysfunction among both men and women.

    Like the stock market erections are mysterious things that seem to have a mind of their own. When they do not happen, it can be disappointing for him and his girl in bed. The typical physical reason is decreased blood flow in his penis because vessels that supply blood to the penis have narrowed, and it is often termed as erectile dysfunction. Most cases of ED are caused by physical problems alone or in combination with emotional ones. Emotional issues are more commonly at the root of it for younger men. It happens to most men occasionally, but if it happens to you more than half the time you have sex, you need to talk to your doctor.

    Just about any medical condition that affects your nerves or blood vessels could hurt your ability to have erections. High blood pressure, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, kidney disease, and diabetes can all lead to ED. In fact, over half of men with diabetes find themselves in that situation. Being overweight, getting too little exercise, and smoking all can work against the good blood flow that is key to erections.

    Hormonal issues such as low testosterone levels can also factor in, more often for older men. Prostate cancer treatments including surgery and radiation may be the culprit. If you have erections in the morning or while sleeping, the problem probably is not physical. Stress, anxiety, and depression may be at play. For some men, a little alcohol (if you are not in “Dry” state) may help take the edge off. Yet too much, as Shakespeare wrote, "provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance." Several types of medications, like blood pressure drugs (especially beta-blockers) and certain antidepressants, can make it tough to get an erection. If you doubt your medicine may be causing your problem, do not just stop taking it. Talk to your doctor. You may need to switch to something different medicines, or consider taking an ED medication, too.

    Some “causes” you may have heard about are just myths: Bike riding and tight underwear do not cause erectile dysfunction. Aging does not cause ED, but the problem is more common in older men. Keep your partner informed about your erection problems and treatment, she may be the most helpful in overcoming it and make you both happy.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes. That can happen. I remember one guy who kept going soft because he was nervous. We tried twice and he went limp and was embarrassed, which just made it worse. He wanted to leave but I convinced him to stay and we just kissed and cuddled naked. When I thought he seemed comfortable, I initiated a playful wrestling match with him and he got hard from that and was able to penetrate me and finish. He had already put having sex out of his mind and I created an opportunity for some spontaneity. Sometimes you just gotta have a little patience and finesse them a little. Male egos are pretty fragile so being supportive like you were is good. Once he becomes more confident, he won’t have any issues. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness. He’s into you.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Aside from medical issues or low levels such as testosterone and arterial issues, it’s more likely than not that he is just overthinking things. He could be self-conscious and his performance. He could also be having stress related issues outside the bedroom. I can almost guarantee you that you are likely not the problem at all. Another problem he could have is a prior addiction to pornography which can cause issues relating to erections. Nothing that can’t be fixed but it’s probably something that he needs to address if it’s health or pornography related.

  • Since 95% of ED is psychological, it is possible that tension or some other psychological issue is responsible. However, if he is 25 to 30 years old two issues need to be explored. Diabetes? If not well controlled, could be the cause. Next, check his left leg for varicose veins. They cause leakage of the blood they he needs to maintain his erection. If they are present, get him to a urologist and then a vascular surgeon. Sometimes if the leak is small a cock ring will suffice. It should be repairable. Don't let him blow it off.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 17
  • He’s overthinking.

  • It could be a multiple different things I don't think it's an attraction problem maybe he low hormone levels plus if he hasn't had it in a while he's not going to last

  • Yes, it is.

  • yep, Mr. Happy has a mind of its own, and it is easily distracted, so that is not at all uncommon.
    The more pressure there is to perform the less likely it will happen.

  • He could be nervous, he could be gay, he could be jerking off before getting together with you because he’s worried about finishing too fast. There are a lot of things that could cause this problem. I would say it’s best to just talk to him about it, but usually people lie when they don’t want to admit what’s really going on. Anyway, best of luck.

  • It's probably E. D. which can be fixed with Viagra. Outside of that it may be that he recently ejaculated and it's difficult to get hard again right after.

  • yes stress and anxiety even depression can ruin or make an hard on impossible, its not your fault he is just going to need a lot of comforting till he is confident in the bedroom with you, he will eventually last longer and get his confidence back, if he doesn't last longer try those sexual numbing lotion to make him last longer, but might make it hard for him to feel pleasure and stay hard.

  • most likely, yes

  • Yes, it is not al. And he needs to go see a therapist if this occurs frequently

  • Yes.

  • Oh definitely

  • yes! its possible.

  • He is ED patient, must visit doctor and get treatment

  • Yes.

  • That can happen

  • It’s probably just nervousness and the newness of a sexual partner after a hiatus from regular sexual intercourse. One thing that may help is to not make sex a “thing.” Let it just happen if it happens. Just because you take your clothes off or get into bed together or sleep together don’t turn it into,“Okay time to have sex, we’re naked.” 👍

    Foreplay is very important for both man and woman. You’re getting comfortable being naked with each other and exploring what each enjoys.

    For a lot of men sex is a performative act. People talk about “performance anxiety” and products and experts talk about “improving performance.” It’s even called “impotence”, or was before it was renamed. All of this hinges completely on whether your dick rises to the occasion. Literally.

    So my advice is foreplay. Just get comfortable with each other. The sex will happen.

  • yes it is normal and try be supportive about it. If you make too much of a fuss it can actually cause ED due to performance anxiety

  • Lol. He’s probably scraping the bottom of the barrel to have sex. Stop dating man whores and stop being a whore. You’re not even in a committed relationship.

    If that upsets you….. Then I just be right otherwise you wouldn’t be angry

    • Not angry your response gave me a good laugh 😂

    • At yourself?

    • Nope at you lol

    • Show All
  • There are all these girls having problems with guys who don't get hard but I have never come across guys who don't get hard, and I like older guys so you think I would have seen it even once.