Here's the problem with that: most women cannot have sex with a man without falling for him and wanting "more" (i. e., a relationship), even if she openly agrees going in that it's only casual. But most men have no problem having casual sex without developing feelings, because men work differently.
And so, what usually happens is that the girl has sex, and then falls for the guy, and is then confused and hurt when he doesn't fall for her in return, and treats her like the casual sex partner they agreed to be in the beginning. She wants to cuddle and talk and get together again tomorrow, and he wants to go play Xbox. The girl feels crushed and is depressed, despondent, and hates all men.
THAT is the reason why so many generations of mothers advised their daughters against sleeping with a guy they weren't in a relationship with, especially the first time - because you'll likely grow attached to him, and be emotionally hurt. If you're in a relationship with the guy, then he's going to WANT to talk and cuddle and hang out tomorrow and generally be there for you, but you aren't going to get that from a rando you banged just to get rid of your V-card.
Of course, most girls have to learn this difficult lesson the hard way, so maybe you should just go for it. But when you find yourself upset and angry, make sure you direct that anger not at "all men", and not even at the guy, but rather at yourself, because it was YOUR choice, and now you know what the likely outcome will be, so you have no one to blame but yourself if that outcome actually comes to pass.
I don't think many girls are going to fall for a guy in a one night stand and I'm sure most girls would not want to. That is why it is called a one nighter, and then back to normal.
@JuliaStyles Actually, plenty of girls do - it's just that they don't always realize that it's only going to BE "one night." Or they assume that the guy will change his mind after they have sex. Plus, for a lot of women, their first time is such a big deal emotionally that the normal rules don't apply. Anyway, it's not my call - I'm just giving advice. Take it or leave it.
A lot of girls say their first time is a bit awkward so I doubt that equals a "Wow! I want this guy forever!" plus these one night standers are most often looking just for sex, not a relationship just as the guys are.
Odds are you'll probably regret it later in life. But, if you decide to do something like that, I suggest 2 things:
1) Wait until you are 18
2) Don't do it with a guy your age. Most of them don't know what the fuck they're doing. Find a hot, older, experienced guy, preferably one who isn't an asshole. They are around, but you have to look. You might even end up seeing him again !
I don't think you'd be a slut, but I do think you'd be settling because you don't think you'll be able to make love the first time to a guy that cares about you as you're doubting you'll ever find him. Don't do that. I didn't find the love of my life until I was 40. I've slept with other men, but if I hadn't bothered with a lot of those other men and he was the only guy I'd been with I think I would have preferred that. I'm not saying things turned out terribly for me. I'm just saying don't go lose your virginity to some random guy because you're settling
Thanks. And yeah, your first sentence is exactly what's happening...
Like 90% of people regret their first time anyway when they were not settling lol
I wouldn't think of you as a slur but I do feel like you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
You can totally take your time and it's not bad if you lose your virginity later with twenty something!
I did waited, not for the special someone but for it to feel right and really be ready and even if you don't love the person you share it with, you should still be able to trust them.
So my advice would be just wait, trust the timing of your life.
Sex isn't that fucking important and should not rush it!
Thanks. I feel like I would be ready if I actually found a guy who I find attractive lol Obv if when it comes to it, and I don't feel ready, I won't do it.
This is the best advice in my opinion.
@Asker Most attractive guys aren't loyal. Just fyi. He'll be gone when the seasons change.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Why does it shame someone to be a virgin? I myself respect them. Anyone can get screwed with little trouble but a virgin would have to have good morals not to fall into that sleeping around just to lose her virginity. In the end you have to decide for yourself what is right for you. But remember that once you get the "slut" reputation it is hard to get rid of. People don't remember the good things you do, only the bad.
Others can't give you advice on what your feelings about it will be like afterwards.
I've been with girls in your situation in the past, and I don't think they have regretted it.
My only advice, if you insist on your idea, is to definitely not do it with some rando from a bar.
You ideally want someone experienced who will keep it on their mind that it is your first time.
You don't want to lose virginity with someone who doesn't care that you still have it.
Okay thanks, that sounds like good advice!
I feel you completely im 22 and turning 23 and have did stuff with guys but never went all the way. Long story short i just didn't feel comfortable going that far with any of them and I've also thought of losing mine that way but you should protect yourself and think about your feelings and comfort level first. I think i at least want a solid connection and get to know the guy than some stranger and he could be dirty..
I waited till i was 24. There's other things more exciting than losing your v card. Like getting a good career... Living on your own... Managing your own money... Trying a new food... Travelling etc
I’m 21 and still a virgin. Saving it for marriage.
You should lose your virginity whenever your desire to get off exceedes your desire to remain a virgin.
Losing your cherry to some hot stranger you will never see again is not the best thing to do. And being your first time, it might not be that great either with him.
Why not put yourself out there, and find a good guy you can get to know and have that special moment with him.
Of all the sex you are going to have in life, the first time is the one you will Always remember, the rest are just a blur.
Handling a virgin is a pain in the ass. You girls should be BORN, non virgin.
So yeah, get rid of that stupid hymen as soon as you can. Be wary of the guy you're getting with though.
Don't make your first time a trauma.
You are an ass, maybe you shouldn't have been born without a penis! Penile agenesis and testicular agenesis.
@Laciandmaci Alas, it works perfectly fine and it's also going to give me a hellspawn coming next year. What a pity, mh?
It is okay, and you're definitely not a slut. but its not recommended either. when a guy gets into an ONS, he only thinks about his own pleasure. He won't care about your pleasure, likes dislikes when he's humping you. But, if you're being humped by someone u're dating, he'd care about your sexual likes, and dislikes. he may even go down on you, try to give u an orgasm. Its better for you that way.
Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you.
you can still go for that ONS and lose your virginity. But, then, if he's not thinking about your pleasures, then it might be painful for you. First time might nt be very special, as most women like to think about it.
you can however, get into an ONS with with someone u know. a horny friend. maybe?
First time been special is a social construct of belief that don't actually mean much.
Same as the people who would call you a slut for wanting the same thing everyone wants sex. Same as the men who would say i am not slut i've been with lots of women and one night stands but if you do it one time your a slut cause your a women.
You can do what you want, here's a thing that's not a social belief most 1st times are bad, factually 1st times will always be awkward or not so great.
Sex literally gets better the more you do it and learn how to do it.
I always see 1st time as it will be a failure, 2nd time a bit better, 3rd time starting to understand, then etc to getting better everytime.
And honestly will you care about your first time after having it much better at some point in the future when actually got a hang of it if you do i don't really understand since i wouldn't at all.
With that all been said i am not much of a one night stand person. I kinda need some connection to be there. But that's not due to some dumb belief created by other's, just it's the way i am comfortable with it for now.
Anyway Always do what your comfortable with, and honestly if a person calls you a slut over something like this, there not the people who ya need in your life anyway.
Very well explained, amazing answer😊
That's what sluts do.
Too much to ask to just do it with someone you are in love with... a committed boyfriend... heaven forbid a husband?
Just some sleazy one night stand huh?
1. I'm asking because I don't think I'll ever meet someone who I will be that commited to and in love with (and they also love me back) 2. I'm not saving myself for marriage 3. I asked because I wasn't sure it was a good idea, you don't need to be rude about it.
Sure. Just try not to catch herpes. OK? :)
No, don't do that. Really stupid idea.
I think you will look back and wish you had made it more special.
Do other stuff like fingering and oral first before you worry about losing your v card.
I am 23 and waiting until marriage! My cousin is 41 and just lost hers and she said she wishes she would have never lost it.
You will most likely regret it and if you pick the wrong guy he could be very insensitive or rough and make your first time painful. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You will probably enjoy it much more if you experience sex with a man who cares about you. There is no need to settle.
Do yourself a favor and wait until you find somebody that you care about. Don't be in such a hurry.
My gut feeling is that you'll regret this, if you do.
Don't do it. Not because it might be slutty or anything (it's not slutty), you shouldn't do it because hookup sex is super bland.
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