Is it rape or no?

[Anonymous]

Hi

so recently I bumped into a supposed friend when we were out in town the same evening. he blamed me for his friends leaving him behind and kept hinting he stay with me as I had a room in town. Eventually I gave up and let him stay but said nothing would happen.

anyway we went back to the room and he passed out drunk. I went to sleep too and then woke up 2 hours later with him on top of me pushing himself inside me. I said no, I cried, I would have screamed but given my friends were on the same floor I didn’t want to cause a scene. Also I realised I asked him back to the room (technically although I was pressured) so would there be a case legally anyway?

it’s been 2 weeks and I’m waking up from nightmares about it. I said no repeatedly. I told him I didn’t want sex. I tried pushing him off me… am I a bad person for allowing this to happen?

[NamerOfStars]

That's pretty unambiguously rape. A pity you didn't go to the police. And no, you're not a bad person for it: you were mislead about someone's intentions, offered them a place to stay, and they took advantage of your generosity in a horrible way. Then, when you awoke under attack, you were too shocked and rattled to react properly, and couldn't overpower your assailant physically. Those aren't moral failings.

Most of human communication is nonverbal, and yes, that can include sexual communication. There's room for misunderstanding and legitimate confusion, but letting someone into your home, or your room, or even your bed, is not the same as agreeing to have sex with them. "Stop! No! Stop! Get off of me!" is pretty clear, too.

[DonkeyDan]

Yes it was most definitely rape, on 2 counts, first he penetrated you while you slept, secondly you told gim no when you woke up and he didn't stop. You should have gone to the pokice straight away so they could have used a rape kit on you to collect evidence. You should still go to the police now and file a report, and take their guidance. He probably has done this before and will do it again to others, make sure you do what you can to stop him. This is not your fault at all, and you didn't let it happen, and you are not a bad person.

[ChrisMaster69]

That is rape, it was before you said No.

get his ass reported.

this is the type of person will do this to other girls and keep getting away with it.

[jshm2]

Not likely something you can prove in a court of law. You were both under the influence and you have no evidence now of what happened.

[Asker]

Exactly. I mean even if I had reported it 5 minutes after it was his word against mine

[AvaOneLasTime]

Unfortunately, this is rape.

[AviatorTom]

If he didn't stop when you said No, that's rape.

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Yes. That is very much a rape. I really wish you had screamed and gone to the police immediately.
As it is, the past is the past and it cannot be changed, but please go see a therapist for your own well being.

[Asker]

I recently met someone (well kinda got involved I met him last year but saw him again last week) and tonight I told him… he seems shocked and I think I’ve ruined everything but I’m concerned about STDs so much I’m getting tested this week. I just wanted him to know I don’t want to rush into anything and don’t want secrets… would you run away if a woman told you this?

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Not at all. I would try to take care of her.

[Asker]

Maybe he will still like me “a whole lot” tomorrow like he did before I told him x

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I should hope so. If not then he isn't worth your time.

[Asker]

Thank you… I feel a little better x

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I am glad, but please go get help and take care of yourself

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, that was definitely rape.
No, you're not a bad person. It's not your fault!

[OddBeMe]

Yes it’s rape. He planned it and may have drugged you.

[jimmy2]

Did he stop when you said no

[Anonymous]

Well, if the roles were reversed, society would say it isn’t rape because a female with even a little alcohol in them are considered to stupid to make their own choices.
But, since it was a male who was drunk, society holds him 100 % accountable for his choices even when black out drunk.
Therefore, him bot being able to make rational decisions would not matter.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you speak to your local police for guidance on your options.

[Anonymous]

Yes, sounds like you were raped and no it's not your fault. You should take action against him. You said NO. End of story. You need to get help/counseling because the trauma will get worse until you deal with it properly.

[Asker]

Just feel stupid for being pressured into allowing it to happen x

[Opinion Owner]

Nothing to feel stupid about. You didn't do anything wrong. You asked someone to another room isn't asking to be forcefully raped. You said no. I really think you should report it and especially get help and counseling because these feelings of guilt and what happened will only intensify with time. Important thing is that you didn't do anything wrong, remember that.