Is it reasonable to want a divorce if you’re in a sexless marriage?

Regardless of what the story or reason is, is the person justified in leaving?
Yes
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No
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yes and no. Sex is intimacy and it is important man or woman, to have that physical intimacy. If one is not getting that its understandable to be upset however you need to take into consideration the circumstances. If its been a very long time (a year or more) and you have spoken to your partner about it and no matter what happens the problem never gets resolved, then yes it is reasonable to want a divorce. Again, one should make every attempt to rectify the problem, but if the person is unwilling to even consider your needs then they are not deserving of that relationship and its not fair to demand that one partner suffer because their spouse doesn't feel like they are important enough to care about their needs and wants, especially when its something that requires so little effort as sex.

    • I agree that one should try to get the problem resolved first. However, if nothing gets better, I think they have every right to leave. Other times, the reasons may not be under their control. It may be due to a medical reason. Even still, that doesn't change the fact that one person's needs are not being satisfied and I would recommend leaving if sex is very important to them.

    • I don't disagree but as I said, I think its important to try and resolve the issue before jumping to that decision.

  • Yes. You can't have a situation where you've agreed to only have sex with your spouse, but then your spouse refuses to have sex with you too (on an on-going basis). Sex is an important and expected part of a marriage for the vast majority of people (it's different if you go into the marriage knowing that you can't expect to have sex with your spouse, such as, say, if they're asexual, or if they are physically incapable), and it's unreasonable to expect your partner to stay with you if you aren't upholding your end of the deal.

    • Are you religious by any chance? There's a reason why I'm asking.

    • No, but even religious teachings say that you have responsibilities to your spouse.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If there's no sex because of lack of desire than yes i would want a divorce for not matching so well.
    If the reason is because the other person can't have sex ( lets say she has been raped and has a trauma from that or is in a wheelchair or something) than NO i think there will be more important things than sex.

    • I think regardless of the reason why, if one person needs sex and the other person can’t give it, they’re incompatible. It’s also not fair to the woman to just give up sex for the rest of her life if that’s something essential to her happiness. I guess it could work for someone who can live without sex, but certainly not with someone who requires sex in order to be happy.

    • I love sex, i want it a ton multiple times a day, but i almost married a man with Behterer syndrome (pretty much doomed to get paralyzed at the age of 20) and i didn't minded it at all. If you love someone sometimes those things dosnt matter so much. But he became a drunk and beating me so i ended it.

    • I look at relationships from a rational point of view, feelings aside, and I honestly don’t see how either of them can be happy. She’ll be miserable and she’ll bring him down with her when he picks up on the fact that she is unhappy. It really depends on how important sex is to the person. If sex is extremely important to someone, As much as it would hurt, it would be the best thing for the both to divorce.

  • I think its good to try to work it out, but if someone doesn't want to be married, they should be able to leave no matter what the situation is

  • It is a valid reason for me. Either we divorce or they accept I have a sex friend. Obviously the friend doesn't come to the house.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 33
  • Very reasonable

  • Depends on the terms of the relationship.
    If you walked into it expecting to at least sometimes have sex then yes, it is.
    If you knew that they where essentially asexual then it's kind of your own fault...

  • For me anyway it would be cause for a divorce!

  • If they value sex as an important piece in the marriage then yes it’s a good reason to not stay. Personally, I don’t think it should be the only reason for leaving, though.
    I think it also depends on why the marriage is sexless or became that way.

  • Yes. Sexual compatibility is absolutely essential. I think one (of the many) reason for so many marriages crumbling is that people stop putting effort in after getting married. Sex withers away. Looks fade... People become fat...

  • This is way too simple of a question to provide a reasonable answer. Short answer is yes. You are justified in your separation if you are under the impression that your wants are not being sufficiently satisfied.

  • if you didn't love him and he didn't love you then sure but then again you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. If you love him and he loves you then sex doesn't matter.

    • Sex and love are two speperate things. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that your craving for sex will go away. Especially if sex is very important to you. And if your needs aren’t met, I don’t see how you could possibly be happy in this marriage. Sometimes, loving someone means letting them go and wishing them the best.

    • not saying it goes away but in a love based relationship it wouldn't matter if there was sex regardless of needs (which sex is not. you will not die without sex it is a want a choice an option) or wants

    • And I'm saying that even if you love the person, sex still matters. To most people at least. Sex is actually a human need according to psychologists. You can live with a partner who is abusive. You can live without ever walking out of your house ever again. You can live without ever seeing your family and friends ever again. You can live without many things. However, being able to live without those things does not mean that they are not essential to one's own happiness and quality of life. Just because sex is not important to you and not needed by you does not mean that other people don't need it. People have different needs.

  • Affection

  • The number two reason for divorce is sexual incompatibility.

    It doesn't have to be that way. If everything else in your marriage is good (or you have children together), then a better approach is to find a lover.

  • Absolutely. Sexual partnership is a major reason why people marry. It's promised either explicitly or implicitly in the marriage vows. A partner who generally refuses sex is breaking the marriage contract, and the jilted partner is justified in leaving the marriage.

  • It could be if they aren't willing to work on it with you. But you also have to talk it out with them and let them know it's a serious issue. Sex is important too. As much as anything else is.

  • If they aren't sick or unable to have sex. Talked about it and they still don't put out and behave as if its a chore.. yeah get someone else

    • I think that whether or not they have the ability to doesn’t matter. If sex is important to someone, I honestly don’t see how they could remain happy in the marriage. That’s just me though.

    • I understand that but when we take our wedding vows to be with them through any sickness. We gotta honor it. If my future wife ever got sick and if it were too painful to have sex, I would give up on sex but not her

    • Wedding vows have unwritten stipulations and I wouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of keeping those vows to the fullest extent. I wouldn't give up sex because it wouldn't be fair to me. I would just wish them well and get a divorce. That way we can both find compatible partners and be happy. A lot of people seem to believe in the notion that exchanging wedding vows means promising to be together no matter what. I think it's a bit naive to believe that way given that there are circumstances that would lead to a divorce. If my husband beats me, I'll divorce him. If he has a drug/alcohol problem he hasn't resolved, poor money management, lack of attention, or lack of sex, I would leave him even if I love him. I think love and needs are two separate things and I don't see how anyone could be happy if they give up their needs for the sake of fulfilling a vow.

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  • If there is zero outlook on sex in your marriage there is no shame in leaving.

  • Unpopular to say but sex is a duty in marriage. Girls now think its optional and use it for control and manipulation..

  • Well I think that story is important, more than anything really... Sooo

    • Assuming it’s a permanent situation, the story is irrelevant. This is just a hypothetical question.

    • It's always, ultimately, about the story and people we are taking about

    • There is no story. It’s a hypothetical scenario where one person isn’t getting his/her needs fulfilled and they’ve already tried counseling and all other option to resolve the issue to no avail.

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  • If its that important and you would otherwise cheat then yes. If not then you chose to be with that person and you should continue to be with them.

  • Maybe

  • Divorce is way more complicated that sex. Many marriages are sexless and partners continue to love one another. Not an arrangement I would want but many are. The question is why is there no sex now. That's the question? Probably need to fix something else. Sex is the symptom and not the cause and the cause at be fixable.

  • Why doesn't he want sex? Just try and solve the problem. Try to dress for him and look sexy. I never seen a man resist.

    • It’s a hypothetical question. But if you’ve already tried everything to no avail, is there justification in a divorce?

    • No not really. I mean you might get babies one day so that is a moment of sex. But I really wouldn't care, aslong as I have someone that loves and cares about me.

    • Well that’s just you. I couldn’t live without sex and I would think it’s unfair to expect a woman to be deprived of her needs for the rest of her life. Relationships aren’t about me, me, me. It’s about making both partners happy. And if no one is willing to compromise, then there’s no point in staying.

  • Yes, it is.

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