Is it stupid to tell a guy I'm dating that I need more cuddling?

We recently started dating and two nights ago we had our first sex. So far we didn't cuddle/kiss much because we were in the stage of getting to know each other and we're both kinda shy. But that night was sooo good! We were making out for hours and had a long foreplay and ended up having a mind blowing sex. And then he nothing. We were practically just laying in bed, each on one side, talking. For an hour. Then we cleaned ourselves up in the bathroom and went to sleep. He wasn't as tired as I was but he went to sleep anyway. So he turned out the lights, wished me goodnight, turned around and went to "sleep". We continued talking a little bit and I tried giving him hints that I want to fall asleep in his arms, but he didn't get it. I didn't want to seem too clingy, so I let it go fell asleep. Then in the morning again nothing. Barely a kiss. Only after we had breakfast and after he took his dog out for a walk he came to me and hugged me tightly telling me he missed me while he was out (for 20 minutes only). Then he was complaining about back pain and asked for a massage. I gave him a massage and he got turned on. Then he started cuddling me and kissing me and I guess it's only because he was hard and wanted sex again. I wasn't really in the mood so I nicely told him no. But I gave him a head. And he didn't kiss me or hug after that. And then I was sad again. I really had to go home by then. He gave me a short peck on the lips on my way out and that was it.
I don't know what to do? Would it be stupid to talk to him about this? He is a great guy, I really like him, and I know he likes me too, our connection is amazing. It's just this "little" thing...
Updates:
+1 y
I told him and he got kind of defensive. :/ It was over the phone tho, and he said we'll talk about it when we see each other today... But yeah he didn't took it that well. Why is that? Now I feel stupid for saying it. :(
+1 y
I'm sorry spamming guys, but he just dumped me... He said he felt too much pressure and that he can't give me what I want. I can't believe what just happened... Is this really my fault now? Could it be that what I said is so much off putting to break it off?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You need to talk to him, not stupid at all. In fact you are about to blow his mind. I didn't realize it as a guy but in fact foreplay starts when you are cuddling right after sex. In the afterglow you are having pillow talk and softly touching each other. Falling asleep wrapped in his arms you feel safe. It is just starting that slow burn of foreplay and getting ready for the next time. Tell him this and trust me he will be eager to cuddle. Tell him how in the morning when he kisses you or walks up behind you when you are getting dressed and hugs you that it turns you on. That his constant attention throughout the day just means a repeat of the amazing sex you already have experienced with him.

    Again as a guy I had to have an ex-gf tell me these secrets bluntly. I always thought foreplay began with kissing and making out a few hours before sex. But when it's all night and then all day foreplay becomes fun for both of you.. you end up with morning sex and nighttime sex and it's fun!

  • It's fine to ask him to cuddle you in the afterglow. When he does, make sure you let him know you appreciate it. Do those things he really likes as his reward.

    • HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Most Helpful Girls

  • You absolutely did nothing wrong, the fact that he broke up with you for just that means he was probably with you for the sex and was no longer interested in the relationship so he used that as an excuse to break up with you.
    Don't worry you will find someone better who loves you enough to cuddle and give you the affection you deserve.

  • You'll have to show it to him that you want to be cuddled. No need to ask, just lean onto him, i'm sure he will get the hint.

    • I saw your update and it does show he's after sex and it's all for himself. Selfish bastard.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 14
  • You deserve better! He was in just for the sex and did not want anything serious. Live and learn.

    • Agreed. Looks like he was trying to be careful to not really bond. But his talk about missing you and asking for a massage, that's leading you on. The physical stuff is always hotter when it appears "non-committed." Don't hold a grudge, if you still really like him lay out what you want, and consider leaving door open if he comes around.

  • No, if you want it, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for more of it.

    • Regarding your update: something like that you should tell him in Person, and in this case while you're cuddling or making out.

    • Sorry to hear he dumped you. Don't feel bad, though, you communicated About an important Need and he didn't want to fulfill it.

  • It's not a "little" thing at all. You definitely should talk about it, as clear communication is important in relationships.

    My fiancée asks me to cuddle/hug in a cute way and I rarely turn her down.

  • You should talk to him about this. Cuddling is very important.

  • nope tell him what you want it better than not saying thing at all. who knows he might enjoy it as well

  • Don't make duck a big deal this early. If you want to cuddle/ etc at any time just directly say it. Don't make it into a "thing, " he will get defensive

  • The most important aspect of any relationship is communication - You communicate your needs and he communicates his.

    • Just saw your update - Your needs are as important as his - Some guys mightn't be that tactile or realise how powerful cuddling can be - Adaption and compromise is as important in any relationship - Keep talking, try to get to the bottom of his feelings and your needs to find a compromise that works for you bith.

    • Don't blame yourself for wanting more of a certain thing - To a lot of relationships cuddling is essential - It would have remained a problem - If he reacted that way maybe it was a sign that he wasn't committed to you as much as you were to him

  • Asking him for a cuddle is in no way a reason to break up. You said you only recently started dating. He might have just wanted sex and broke up after you asked him because he didn't want that kind of relationship.
    Also, just so you know, it is not stupid and you have every right to ask for more in a relationship. If the other person can't provide or refuses, he probably isn't the right person for you. Forget about him. It was not your fault and you should not beat yourself over him.

  • What does "and then he nothing" mean? I don't get it.

  • nope not stupid at all. you would think relationships means cuddling to everyone lol

    • its not your fault at all you politely asked him you want to have more cuddling in the relationship and for whatever reason he doesn't want to cuddle or be romantic and said he wants to be single. it sounds like he was just interested in the sex and not so much about romance.

  • No not at all, Communications are important. the best sex toy ever...

    • No, it was a jerk off move on his part, but really, its better for you.. it may not feel that way now, but it is.. he had no reason to act that way..

  • I wouldn't kiss my girl after she gave head. Thats like licking your own dick. Just ask him to spoon sleep with you

  • It is not stupid, Just tell him when your in bed.

  • Go ahead and tell him

  • I think it's stupid that you're obsessing over this. This is now the second question you've asked, about the SAME THING

  • Maybe some guys just don't really feel the need to cuddle or anything, maybe he is a bit shy and needs time. I think most guys enjoy it, i LOVE the thought of spooning, can't wait until i meat a nice girl so we can cuddle.