Guys, is it unrealistic for a woman to not give you sex until you’re in a relationship with her?

[Anonymous]

I’m 25 and a virgin. I was in a bad place mentally from 17-24, isolated myself, didn’t go out or date. As I’m learning more about where dating is today, it makes me nervous. It seems casual sex, having multiple people on speed dial to hookup with, etc., is common and it’s not my taste. I don’t want to lose my virginity to just any guy. I want to give it to someone that I will be committed to and trust. I know guys want sex quickly and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just I can’t give it up easily and it scares me that I’ll give it to a guy who just sees me as a toy and moves on to the next. Could you wait?

[The-Wise-Phoenix]

I walk the middle of the road on this.
As a man in this world we live in today I am not going to jump in bed with a woman right away. It's important to know that the women you are with is not crazy before you get busy in the bedroom. And there are a lot of crazy women. Circulating out there😬

However in your case I will tell you that you need to prepare yourself for the fact that first guy you have sex with is likely not going to be your life partner. Relationships at your age do often fizzle out quickly.
But also keep in mind that with sexual experience you learn about yourself.
I am not saying you have to be promiscuous. But just like anything else in life don't allow fear of failure to prevent you from moving forward.

[PositiveNote]

I waited for my first wife, but because we did, it doesn't mean it worked any better. Divorced and wiser, I believe sex needs are something that are best considered natural—and should be satisfied in order to get down to what is really important. What's important? Like figuring out if you are compatible at all.

In your case, however, I understand you, and I know it's tough. I hope you find someone who will be sensitive to your needs, and is patient with your hesitation. If he is not, try counseling for couples. Check around and find a good counselor and pay whatever it takes. It's worth investing in your most important lifetime relationship.

[NamerOfStars]

Perfectly reasonable. Whether it's "realistic", I don't know; I've never dated guys. Hook-up culture seems to be pretty widespread, but it's not universal. You can probably find a guy along those lines; you just might have to look a bit.

[NathanDavis]

it is not unrealistic no

in all my experiences this was always the case

I've always gotten into a relationship first, and then in the sheets, that happened later, never before

not everyone is into more casual or quick sex, hook ups and one night stands

either way you want it or prefer it, you will find others that are just like you, so don't worry that much about this stuff, just be more upfront about it

[DonkeyDan]

It's perfectly realistic and I think you'll find the majority of women still live to this standard. Yes there is a lot more casual sex these days but in general a lot of the stories you'll hear are exaggerated. The majority of people are not just hooking up, yeah lots do but lots also don't.

[slatyb]

Have sex because you want to have sex. If you don’t, then don’t. You can’t trade sex for love or commitment. Do you think a man can’t tell when a woman is having sex but isn’t really into it?

[Dargil]

I would want to advance through walking the bases. There's plenty of sexual intimacy available before that last step.

[FilmGuy93]

No. I would prefer it if she could lower her guard to trust me more, but I get why she wouldn't have any interest in that.

[TheBigGuy9]

You can find the right guy. Have faith. I can totally relate to your mental thing too. You should follow me. I’m intrigued because I thought I was the only one.

[Twalli]

For a time. No more bgg than 2 years though. The thing is, I go exclusive if we make it to a second date.

[OddBeMe]

no of course not. marriage, sure. but I only fcked in relationships.

[888theGreat]

it is normal after too