Is it weak to admit to your girlfriend that you’re scared of first sex?

Question

I’m a virgin, and my girlfriend’s not. She knows that I am though. We’ve been together for more than a year but haven’t had sex yet. I’m very self-conscious about the fact that I’m still a virgin in my 20s because it’s the reason I’ve often been laughed at. It feels like in our society being a late virgin makes a man flawed. So my inexperience makes me feel inferior. In the end, whenever my girlfriend makes a random sex-related joke or mentions sex in general in some way, it always triggers in me a feeling that I’m a loser who has wasted his youth and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I know that my girlfriend is comfortable with sex-related topics, but for me those bring anxiety. The other day she even made a slight joke about my not having sex in the past, nothing insulting per se — I guess she doesn’t know that my virginity is one of my biggest insecurities, so the joke was fun in itself — but I feel like I’ve been laughed at and humiliated again, though I understand that my thoughts are irrational, but I can’t help myself since I psychologically anticipate that she can laugh at me and that’s my biggest fear.

I mean I want her to know about that and I want some reassuarance from her. But at the same time, I’m afraid that if share it with her, she could see me as inferior, weak and needy, and thus less attractive, and it could add more tension in bed both for me and for her during our first time.

Should I tell her that? Or should I just collect myself and resolve all my insecurities by myself since no girlfriend wants such an insecure man beside and I truly deserve to be laughed at?

Twalli · Accepted Answer

I was a virgin until 27.5, honestly I'm glad I waited although there was anxiety from about 24 until I got my girlfriend. Partly because I never had a girlfriend before. Being nervous or scared is perfectly natrual. I am terrified about getting married. I can't imagine myself marrying anyone else than my girlfriend, but the idea of marriage terrifies me. It's just that I feel that I already have decided to spend the rest of my life with her, so we should get married and make it official. I've "unofficially" proposed to her, so we're working towards it.

summiter · Accepted Answer

You have nothing to be ashamed about! Tell her and I bet you will be pleasantly surprised. Maybe start out with getting a handjob from her... you don't have to jump into sex right away. Your thoughts?

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

No it's not, you should have sex when you're ready, no matter your age.

And she loves you, she already knows the facts and she will understand and if she knows what's going on in your head, she can try to make things better and take things into account.

shesrad · Accepted Answer

be upfront and honest with her, have a talk if you can't communicate with her why even have sex with her then?

ZXCwWRQWz · Answer

Say that after you take her clothes off. Don't have to start off talking about everything from the start. You got to time it. Also never talk about exes at length no matter what.

rip999 · Answer

I like my v card at 24. Nothing to be ashamed about. Kids are dumb that's all. It's not that deep. First time I had sex was such a disappointment xD

rtj1211 · Answer

Ask yourself one question: do you only want to have sex with one girl, or could you make arrangements to overcome your sexual insecurities with those you aren't going to date?