Is it weird I don't feel all that bad about getting raped?

[Anonymous]

First things first i wanna say that when i say all that bad i don't mean i liked it, i did hate it and i do wish it wouldn't happen, im just, not THAT emotionaly scared as it's expected. Like all my friends and my family always hug me and say stuff like "it's going to be fine" "you can cry if you want" and "you are so brave" and blah blah blah and i mean i know they mean good but they kinda expect me to be an emotional wreck. The way i see it is just, i dunno, shit happens? i had a normal one night stand before and i can safely say that one was worse than this one sexwise so i just take it as well it happened it's a bad memory but shit happens and life goes on, had bad sex and probably will have bad sex again. So yeah and when i tell this to my friends family they just think im "being brave". Even in school everyone shakes my hands and hugs me and says everything will be fine etc but for me everything is fine more or lees so, my question is, am i supposed to be emotionally ruined? like is it some kind of a social norm that i should be nervous and crying for the rest of my life just becuase of this one bad thing?

[Anonymous]

I went through a similar thing - I knew the guy who did it to me. I guess it would have been much worse if it was a complete stranger, assaulted somewhere outside. When it was too late to change things (he was inside) I stopped fighting and just tried to convince myself that I consented. I guess it is the thing that helped me to get through... I didn't report it, because my parents would find out and my dad would kill him and I didn't want him to get to prison as an ex-cop. I only told my boyfriend.

I do not feel that emotionally scarred. After it happened I researched it online - psychological and police statistics, discussions for women online. I found out that every fourth woman goes through it - mostly the assailant is their husband or boyfriend... and only 8% report it.

[Asker]

that... uhm, was vey chilling to read... gosh every fourth? that bad?

[Opinion Owner]

apparently yes - Psychologists and police claim that through their lifetime it happens at least once to every fourth woman that she is forced into it. mostly it is done by their SO. Most of the women feel like - they didn´t want it at that particular time (after a fight, in the middle of the fight, when he was drunk, ...) but would want him to do it some other time, so they dont call it rape. Or when he jams it in her ass against her will. But LEGALY it is rape, because it is not sex with consent. There are much much fewer cases of rape - in the park, after the first date, on a disco when drunk and such violent cases. I hope.

[Asker]

well mine was in a park so... guess i got the worse alternative :(

[MlleCake]

You know, it's really hard for people to understand how it can devastate one person and turn out to be no-big-deal to another person. People don't want you to speak your truth if your truth doesn't fit their narrative.

But you are allowed your genuine feelings about it, and if your feelings are that you're coping just fine, then that's fine. It doesn't make what happened less bad.

The only thing I would say is that sometimes it can hit you later, but... it doesn't have to. There's no rule.

Having your family constantly address it and bring it up, well - I am sure they mean to be kind, but they are being dismissive of your experience, and trying to interject their agenda into whatever healing process you're in.

You have a right to ask them to chill.

[Asker]

thanks, yea exactly i dont want to make this sound like what happened was lees bad because im taking it well. And about the family being dismissive, its really fine, im not even in a healing process i kinda healed it over its not like i start thinking about it when they bring it up and get shivers, its just kinda annoying and it made me feel bad becuase i felt like the way i reacted was wrong or weird, which eventually led to the asking of this question

[Anonymous]

Everyone responds differently. Sometimes the timeline isn’t immediate, either. Just be mindful of what’s going on in your life.

Also, effects manifest in odd ways sometimes too. Personally, I didn’t feel emotional and am not a cryer but I became even more of a perfectionist and eventually developed panic attacks - about everything being just right, not about rape. I also started to develop an eating disorder and became underweight. At the time, I wouldn’t have linked being assaulted with my problems but later I realized they were.

I’m sorry this happened & hope it all works out. There are a lot of good resources online if you do start developing any unwanted effects.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with the other poster that you have a right to not talk about it too.

[E_Z_Z]

Well , It's actually better than being an emotional wreck
You're actually taking it very well and I say you're even better than they think to be able to overcome this , You're strong ( doesn't have to be physically vut I vuess you k ow what I mean ) but may be your family and friends say so because most girls can't handle this situation in their lives afterwards so they think you're trying or pretending to be fine so they say you're brave
But I believe you're actually well and a great person to deal with it like this
Good for you , you're more than fine

[Asker]

hey, thanks sweets, i appreciate that. And yea thats kind of whats happening, everyone thinks im just pushing back depression or something. Maybe its just because my first sex (that was consensual) was actually worse than this but I don't know why im like this

[E_Z_Z]

Could be actually the first time you had sex made what happened now like nothing But I still believe that's not the only reason I also believe and live by the words ( shit happens ) It's possible to get raped , even a guy could get raped it's not impossible , you may have your things stolen , you may hit your car As long as I'm not stupide and just try to get raped or leave my things in an open place and leave or make dumb thinga driving then life happens

[E_Z_Z]

This doesn't mean I will be emotionaly wreck if it ever happened I'm a very strong guy ( physically ) but never played a fighting sport. If a pro MMA or BJJ female player attacked me I may lose and this what happens in life. I hate to lose or to be beaten up believe me I can go crazy and kill who's beating me up even if he sticks a knife in my shoulder or any where but I also believe that life happens and anything could happen I won't be a wreck for the rest of my life because of it ( by the way all I said above are examples non of this happened to me except for the car thing that happened a few days ago because of some other blind driver I was trying to dodge that cause me to hit my car )

[Asker]

you also sound like a strong person and honestly i kinda like to win too and dont like loosing at stuff but yea I don't know its not the first time bad shit happens in my life and i can just shake my shoulders and say meh, whatever. I mean honestly if i would get raped, beaten up and even stuff stolen, that would be much worse and i would probably be very fukt up from that so yea. I mean im not very strong so i do feel kinda bad about it because the guy came out of nowhere and overpowered me in like a second but then again guess im happy that im alive or something, cuz like what if he shot me and i would be dead or paralized this way i just have a bad memory of a bad quickie but i can get past that, as said, Ship happens... also funny thing i also crashed my dads car when he was teaching me parking and i think i actually felt worse about that than this

[E_Z_Z]

You seem like a strong person too And you're 100% right But as you're dealing with that first problem in your life like this that means you will be even able to deal with bigger problems in life and handle them well too Yeah I almost did with my dad's car as well , yes it may even feel worse because this was kinda our fault , we were in charge and driving it and we felt bad because we felt we were the reason for it , but this what happened with you is out of your control so believe me you're more than fine and doing great :D

[E_Z_Z]

Would you like to pm? I can remove my anonymity so you can PM I would like to chat with you , you're a nice person

[Asker]

sure why not :)

[E_Z_Z]

Okay then :)

[E_Z_Z]

I removed it follow me so I can follow you back

[curiousnorway]

I guess you're much stronger emotional wise than the average. The majority wouldn't cope with it that well, so in that way you're a bit different. But it's not negative, so you don't need to feel bad for it. It's an advantage to not have to deal with the same heavy emotional burden as many other have to go through. People reacts the way they do, since they're used to rape victims not coping with it very well.

[Asker]

<3 thanks

[snowangle]

Everyone reacts to it differently. I don't think it's weird that you prefer to not act "like a victim," if that makes sense. People expect you to be ruined and you'd just like to go back to normal.

[Asker]

yea exactly, or rather than back to normal im just staying normal. I mean maybe its because im always lookings at things a bit too like its on paper. What good is it gonna do me if i stay scared of people and nervous for my entire life? nothing so i just dont... maybe im a robot

[snowangle]

No, it's logical. You don't want what happened to you to define you. That's not to say that other victims who DO break down are weak or anything; it's just different. Everyone is different.

[Asker]

exactly, thats what i was trying to say, im not making fun of people who got traumatized, of course its a traumatizing thing, i was just asking for solely myself and my behaviour, so thank you

[kittycat119]

The way you're talking definitely makes it seem lile u never got raped at all

[yousir]

The reason that most people are traumatized is because they can't comprehend that someone could actually commit that act, or they can't comprehend why they would act the way they did in such a situation. It's a matter of accepting reality. If you have already come to terms with the reality then you are unlikely to suffer the common debilitating effects that most victims suffer.

[QueenofCups]

Everyone reacts differently.

[Dargil]

You have a healthy attitude. It will show on other parts of your life as time goes by. You chose not to be a victim.

[Asker]

hey thanks mel gibson :)

[Asker]

by the way i know its craig but this felt like the right metaphore

[Dargil]

Not sure I get it but I guess its a compliment. Mel Gibson?

[Asker]

yea it was a joke based on the picture but its just some movie culture references dont bother with it

[Dargil]

That's okay. I am a Craig and Gibson fan. Willis too.

[async]

Some people are just emotionally stronger and able to cope with things better, nothing wrong with it, be thankful you won't have to carry a huge emotionally burden with you the rest of your life.

[Asker]

thanks :)

[ravedave]

I'll take "Bait posts that aren't real" for 500 Alex.

[kittycat119]

Exactly. This sounds way 2 fake and she's not talking at all lile someone who's been raped even of she's fine with it

[Asker]

@kittycat119 see this is the exact reason i posted this question, because in real life too i "dont act raped enough" or what the hell and people either pretend i do or they judge me for it like isn't it my bussines how i handle a bad event in my life?

[ravedave]

My theory is it's another blue pretending to be pink, in an attempt to shame/cast doubt on actual victims. I've seen a lot of dudes shitting on victims of rape lately, it's disgusting, but I wouldn't really be surprised

[Asker]

for example i know a girl that is so emotional that even when she drops a pen she starts crying and yea people make fun of her too for it and i find it stupid so this is the same situation just reversed

[Asker]

why would a guy want to shame actual victims? i mean a guy who isn't a rapist?

[ravedave]

Because they're either trying to be morally superior: I. e. The fucktard in the comments saying anyone who wears revealing clothes is asking to be raped, or they just think all/most women are lying about abuse.

[ravedave]

OR they think that women are overreacting, and that's what I think this post is. A blue pretending to be pink to subtly shame women by making it out likes its not a big deal.

[kittycat119]

Rape is always a big deal sadly and becoming a huge thing due to this dumb rape culture we live n

[Asker]

@kittycat119 yes i know and i can't say this more but again, Rape is horrible, rapists are monsters, and i do not think its not a big deal, this is completly personal, i did hate it and i do wish it didn't happen im just not feeling any symptoms of post traumatic syndrome and all the documentaries we seen in school or on tv the girls are always complete trainwrecks so i just felt weird and asked about it. im not trying to make rape sound like a light weighted thing im really not

[Asker]

@ravedave i really dont want to repeat the same thing over and over so please just read update i really dont want people to think im saying rape isn't serious

[kittycat119]

I enevr said u where promoting it or downplaying it. I just don't believe u got raped. Nothing you've said sounds lile u have. It all sounds like made up stuff u think a raoe victim would say

[Asker]

@kittycat119 yea you are kinda right. thats the exact reason why i asked this because i didn't react to being raped like the "stereotype rape victim" should so i wanted to know if its weird and so far im at 50 normal / 50 weird based on opinions so i guess medium weird medium normal

[miia389]

Don't let this person bother your OP. I understand it's confusing for some people that you don't act this or that way. You yourself seem like you don't full understand why. But you not alone. My emotions have been weird before in that. I've lost my grandmother. Grandfather and even a dear friend and I felt little to no emotion. Some people will say it's shock reaction. Which could be true. But like. It happened awhile ago now and I've yet to shed any actual tears. And I was close to all of them. I wasn't happy or anything. Just didn't feel like distract or anything.

[miia389]

We all wired differently. No one persons brain is wired better than another unless they suffer from an actual mental disability

[Asker]

@miia389 huh yeah, sounds like my thing so... happy to hear there are others who agree or felt the same way, or rather didn't feel. Guess we are weird like that :)

[miia389]

Guess so lol

[jacquesvol]

You have a much stronger personality than average.

[Asker]

thanks :)

[adolescentswede]

Agreeable people tend to expect people to behave in accordance to niceness. When reality hits that such isn't the case it can result in a personality crisis. Since rape is a violation that's very personal together with girls tend to be more protected along with generally being more agreeable results in the expectation. Sorry for not being concise

[Asker]

im not sure if this is a compliment, insult, or just statement

[curiousnorway]

I doubt it's an insult although it may be difficult to tell by the wording. Sounds like he's saying it's expected by people to be over-friendly and nice around a victim because it's both expected and because they feel sorry for them, and tries to make it better for them.

[Anon-ymous1]

Hey, you're your own person. You don't HAVE to feel any sort of way about anything. If you didn't feel that serious about it, then so be it. You're your own person. That doesn't excuse the act, obviously, whenever it's visited on anyone.

[SketchForger]

I'm the same way. It's just been such a long time.

[Steve37]

That is pretty unusual. Maybe you are subconsciously suppressing your feelings as a coping mechanism.

[Asker]

i dont think thats the case i really dont feel anything even repressed

[Wizard-of-bras]

I feel bad for the girl who’s sitting in the library dressed moderately and just minding her own business studying. I actually feel terribly for her.

But when girls go out 85% naked with their ass and boobs hanging out and bouncing all over the place and go to shitty places like bars or clubs where not so great people are known to hang and THAT GIRL gets raped, I literally do not feel bad whatsoever

[kittycat119]

Women came ear whatever the hell they want. Doesn't give asshole the right 2 rape her

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 I don’t think it gives a guy the right to rape. I just think in the second situation I gave in my answer that the woman is responsible for it partly.

[kittycat119]

She's never responsible for getting raped unless she went up 2 a dude and told him 2 rape her

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 nope. Not true. Typical women’s mindset. “It’s never my fault, it’s always someone else’s fault”.

[Asker]

well i was not in a club and did not have those slutty clothes, by the way i dont like those but i also wasn't in a library. It happened when i went for my midnight jog in the park so... dunno

[Wizard-of-bras]

It doesn’t have to be literal in a library I was just painting a picture to show you the difference

[Asker]

so... which one of those was me?

[Wizard-of-bras]

Based on what you say, I don’t think it was your fault because you didn’t dress like a slut

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 keep insulting me. You’re cute

[Asker]

guys guys dont argue just because of my question its fine everyone has their opinion. I mean i myself was criticized for "not feeling bad enough about being raped" by some teachers at my school so obviously everyone has their own opinion

[kittycat119]

Well of I'm being honest asker I don't believe u so

[Asker]

@kittycat119 well i really dont want to force my agenda on anyone so thats all up to you, im just gathering opinions about my behaviour here, and half of the people say im strong and half say im a fake so its kinda the same as in real life, half saying brave half saying wtf you should be more traumatized

[kittycat119]

Again I never once said u should b traumatized. I said I don't believe u got raped

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 can you please just be happy in knowing that nobody will ever try to rape you

[Asker]

@kittycat119 oh god well i feel sorry for you and i kinda see now why you think i wasn't raped but yea just becuase i reacted to it in a diffirent way than you doesn't mean it didn't happen. I mean there were like serial killers who didn't even flinch when killing someone, so its possible to have extreme emotions and i guess i just am this way

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 I don’t believe you’ve been raped.

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 I’ve done a mytake about how the moon is made of cheese; do you believe it?

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 haha😘😘😘

[kittycat119]

Someone really thinks he's funny doesn't he? When in reality he just looms stupid

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 I don’t think I’m funny, I think you're funny

[kittycat119]

Oh wow now you're gonna kick me 4 getting raped? How mature

[kittycat119]

I've mentioned about being raped by my brother in this site b4 the me 2 movement sweetie. Never made it up

[kittycat119]

And how would u know genius? Did u live with me 4 my whole life 2 know?

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 because the moon is made of cheese

[kittycat119]

Rape fantasies r stupid boo boo

[kittycat119]

No. Far from it actually. I much prefer consent with my boyfriend though I like BDSM with him though

[Wizard-of-bras]

@kittycat119 okay but you’re making up rape fantasy stories. Don’t you think that’s kinda weird? Especially that you use your brother in the fantasy

[kittycat119]

Considering it's not a fantasy and happened when I was younger it's not a fantasy sadly

[Asker]

@kittycat119 what is even going on here? what did i start

[Evosike]

Being raped is not that bad you're right. They just pick you up right. But then what? That's the problem they can do everything to you so. You better change your mind. Taken it's a good movie but it's a movie not real life.

[Asker]

Again you probably didn't read what i said so ill say it personaly. I did hate it, i do think rape is horrible, im just not an emotional trainwreck from it, thats all

[Evosike]

I read. That i just wanted to say. You need the personal experience to feel what's is like and then evaluate you emotional behavior