Is it weird I'm jealous of my boyfriend watching porn?

I feel like an outlier in this, all my girl and guy friends are like "Dude chills he's not going to leave you." Obviously thats not why I get upset? I've always viewed it as a form of betrayal. I don't understand how some girls don't get jealous over their boyfriends masturbating to girls that are probably hotter than they are? It makes me insecure. I also don't understand guys that don't care about their girlfriends masturbating to guys that are probably a lot hotter than they are. Obviously she loves you and not them, but does that still not bother you? I'm I weird for feeling betrayed because my significant other watches porn?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Porn is a mental and social form of self-destruction. Though it negatively affects the partner, it is not personal and doesn't mean that he loves her more, etc, it has nothing to do with you, and you deserve more than feeling like you don't measure up in a relationship, because you are good enough, even if not everyone can see that.

    Porn is a sickness defended like an option, and the excuses come from these places of struggle. "Men have higher sex drives than women, and substituting with porn keeps him from cheating" Porn is advertised like it fills a void, but in actuality it conditions you to become insatiable, and you get so wrapped up in what you want that you objectify others in efforts to satisfy yourself. Just because you objectified the porn star doesn't make it any less cheating, there are no grey areas in faithfulness, and there are no conditions for when you don't have to be faithful. If you have to ask, just don't. "I watch it with my partner, so it's okay" Porn rejects intimacy, when you get used to sex being portrayed in a crude way you detach it's meaning and stop investing undivided attention into your partner when they're most vulnerable. Being secretive is just as bad, but either way you have become self centered to the point that you allow who you claim to love to settle for less than they deserve in a relationship. "Men need to get off to what they see" Masturbation is a bodily function, porn is a dependency. You have conditioned yourself to need a certain level of visual stimulation, and you can condition yourself out of it. Being dependent on something virtual will by no means help your sex life. "It's no different than romance novels" Again this comes from a place of self focus in which you let your partner settle for your self-serving relationship. Yes women should check themselves when they're being hypocritical, but tit-for-tat has no place in a mature relationship. Love is about sacrifice, and sacrifice isn't always equal. "It's no big deal, she's just insecure" Porn stars don't ask to be cared about. So when you start to value people based on how much pleasure you can get from them with the least effort, you start to disregard who you said you loved when they require you to look outside of yourself.

    Since you are not married, it is not your place to expect him to put you first or overcome his struggle. But simply talk to him about it, and if he doesn't respect himself or you, let him go.

  • It isn't a jealousy nor an insecurity issue. Watching porn does a lot of damage from both a spiritual, psychological, mental and emotional POV. Before it begins to impact that person's sex life through physical means. They had studies shown on that, but you know how the internet is, taking all of that information down and feeding you more garbage to destroy your lives more for that 'forbidden fruit' thing.

    Masturbation is sex with yourself. And this is what they do not want to tell you. It doesn't MATTER what other people think. What matters is that it's bothering you. If that is not something you want him doing, speak up. If he has an issue, then drop him. It doesn't matter if he's going to leave you for somebody else. Porn is NEVER about that. Porn is about destroying your mind sexually from the inside out until you grow to not care about your partner sexually and become selfish. You treat that real flesh/person like an object. That is why porn stars are objectified for their bodies, and not being acknowledged as a human being with emotions, feelings and being their own person with their own thoughts.

  • Actually a lot of people feel that way, it's perfectly normal. Being insecure is also normal! YOU'RE RIGHT! Lol
    It's obvious you don't watch porn, so it's not fair to you.
    I think convincing him to stopp watching it and how stupid and useless it is. (;

    • Most helpful opinion for sure.

Most Helpful Guys

  • It is not weird. Everyone have their opinions and you are entitled to yours.

    In your case, a relationship requires a mutual communication, understanding and agreement. If you don't like it and feel insecure. Communicate with your boyfriend, discuss it calmly, politely and with maturity. Inform him about your insecurity and confront him with your displeasure and jealousy. You must reach an agreement on this subject and that is not too complicated to achieve.
    He must respect your wishes and feelings.

    Me and my girlfriend both watch porn. Many times we do it together. Porn is an industry. It's entertainment, fun, educational (if you watch it right, not those misconceptions that people feed to themselves) it's a fantasy and it's experimental. I am so fine my girlfriend watches porn. It is all about people's understanding and how much information they have on porn and how they view the title overall.

    I speak my part now, me watching porn has nothing to do with me not loving my girlfriend. I don't see a connection. To be honest, a woman who be able to turn me on as strong as my girlfriend haven't born yet. Porn is a professional world. I don't hold any specific feeling toward the ladies in the industry and the movies. They are professionals doing their jobs with passion and hard work for viewer's pleasures and getting paid for it (as well as male actors) and i am professional viewer. We all know our boundaries and relations. Also, Just because i am man doesn't mean i watch porn to see only women. I see both men and women. I have both favorite actor and actresses. As far as it goes with women, i don't desire to be in sort of relation with them. I am just a fan nothing else.
    Also you said ""I don't think anyone would stop watching porn for their girlfriend"" i am really sorry that you feel that way. But i would do that. I would stop watching porn if my girlfriend says so. Her feelings, emotions, desires and comfort is priority for me and nothing and no one comes above her.

  • Jealousy is all about insecurity. You know that you're probably not the hottest person on the planet. So what's the point of making a big taboo out of this? I feel like people who don't let their partner look at porn can't handle the truth, so they forbid their partner to look at porn in order to pretend that their partner only cares about them and that they are the hottest person in the world. It's pretty silly... it's like a dictator who forces all his citizens to only compliment and never criticize him so he can pretend to himself that everyone loves him. But if the dictator was honest with himself, he would understand that some people's compliments are probably just fake. And if he was confident, he would listen to those people's criticism and might even become a better leader.
    Same in your situation. Instead of building some kind of pretense around this topic, you could be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you will NEVER be able to have 100% of your partner's interest. If you forbid him to watch porn, he will still look at other girls in real life or he will think about other girls when masturbating. So unless you want to become some kind of crazy thought-police, you could instead work on your confidence. For example I don't care if my girlfriend flirts with hotter guys because I'm happy with who I am. I know I'm a good catch and I don't get intimidated just because another guy has good looks.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I've been in 3 relationships where I found out my boyfriend at the time was watching porn. Each time I was upset because I find it disreceptful when your with a girl and you pleasure yourself to other girls naturally you girlfriend is going to compare she's not gonna look at fantasies she's gonna look at body shapes and breast sizes etc. it really knocks my confidence and if they respected me they wouldn't do it.
    Each time I told them how uncomfortable it made me and that it effects my confidence but I didn't tell them they couldn't watch it I told them if they were gonna watch it to make sure I didn't find any evidence of it as I didn't want to see other naked girls especially unexpectedly as it can come as a shock. I didn't think that was asking a lot. Each time the guy said knowing my feelings they wouldn't watch porn anymore anyway. Well first guy continued to watch it behind my back and when we went through a rough patch took great pleasure in telling me he continued to watch it behind my back cos he likes girls with big beasts and mine weren't big enough. the second guy asked me to search for something on Internet on his phone and when I clicked on it I found pornos with older women and young guys. The dude had mummy issues so I shouldn't have been suprised really and he didn't even care I'd found out about it. Both of those encounters did wonders for my confidence
    My third and current boyfriend seemed to listen more when I explained my issues with porn he told me he's never thought of it like that but now I'd said it he completely understands. Almost 2 years later I've never found any evidence to suggest he hasn't kept his word and if he does watch it he at least keeps it away from me which I think is least you can ask for.
    Talk to your boyfriend and explain your feelings and if he can't agreee to stop at least get him to agree you never come across it especially unexpectedly

    • Wow - so there is hope for us lol... How did you first two end? Did you end up breaking up with them?

    • @Girlygirl111 I think the right guy will respect your wishes when it comes to porn even if they don't understand. The first guy around the same time i found out he'd been cheating on me so that ended I guess porn wasn't enough for him. It wasn't unexpected when I got with him my gut instinct told me he's cheat I didn't listen. The second guy turned out he was using me he had confidence issues around girls and despite being mid twenties never had a girlfriend he met me and I showed interest and I guess he found me kinda attractive. But he never developed any real feelings for me and then met a girl on a night out and had cheek to come round to my mums house with me and start talking about her with a stupid look on his face even my mum noticed lol found out they'd exchanged numbers and had been texting so that ended I also found out his type was either older women or blond haired girls with rock chic kinda look I'm the opposite so he knew from start it wasn't going to work he was using me

  • I wouldn't get upset if a guy im with watches porn. Even tho that rarely happens because they get turned on by me. Thats why I take pics and videos and send it to them so they wouldn't have to watch porn. But hey thats just me.

    • true thats smart

  • I get it. I get jealous and insecure too. it's kind of like "hello you habe girlfriend, why don't you let your girl please you instead if your hand"
    even though obviously he isn't going to leave me, it makes me feel like shit about myself and very self conscious about my body and everything.

  • My boyfriend and I have an agreement to not watch porn.

    • Whhhhaaaa? wo! I thought you were open minded about this shit 0_0 i don't know you, who are you? dead to me that's what, woe is me!

    • @OrdinaryGentleman >: D I'm a bigole prude! That's who. Haha. But seriouslt, it was easy bc I never really liked porn and I've never liked him even liking 'models' photos on instagram bc the pictures are so suggestive and it's not about the art anymore but the likes

    • I can agree but pooooorn is sooo good :) and healthy too. I 100% guarantee he was like "sure babe anything for you" and then when you are 3 hours away its all... fap fapfapfap

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  • Listen, all these people saying it's ok or its just being healthy! Are all wrong and I really wouldn't listen to them. You have to know that it's wrong and it definitely is betrayal. But how you react to knowing his habit, is another question.

    The thing is that men will usually betray us through out our lifetime to different degrees. That doesn't mean you should be grateful for the fact that he didn't cheat on you by having sex with someone else and just did porn. It's a struggle but it's like that in life all the time. See I try to be supportive and know if my boyfriend is betraying me I'm going to take some time off, and then try to be supportive in helpig him.

    It's very hard to handle this, because I have not been with one boy who hasn't watch porn, even if I have been the hottest girl they've ever had. Don't force yourself to think porn is ok, because it is not, but we can't force people to do anything. It's sad, but this is life. That is why I pray.

    • I've used to have same thinking. Then I realized that porn has nothing to do with how he feels about me or how much he respects me. It is just something to help him get off. Men who are normal and love their gf/wife dearly don't ever compare other women to their SO. Because their SO is incomparable. He does not worship hot women and he does not care about them. He may see and recognize that someone beautiful or hot but that's all they are. They don't mean anything to him. It's like seeing nice car, nice scenery or cute animal. They have this attribute, they look good. But he does not love them for it the way he loves you. He loves you who you are as a whole package, he chose you. And definitely he wouldn't change them for you. My life is much easier since this realization.

    • Some men are very low creatures I don't say. Such men don't respect women. And because I used to think all men are like this, and that all they think is sex and that they are so easily manipulated by sex I was full of these fears and insecurities. Well men you partly created this from the way you talk and judge women. Media which is full of sexuality is also putting pressure on women. Nowadays women are obsessed with their looks and very insecure. But this my dear friend is never ending chase because no matter how hot you look there will always be someone hotter, younger, bustier. And not all men are low creatures and not all men are judging women only as sex objects for their satisfaction. I needed long time to realize that. My SO is Turk by the way and he was very respectful to me, when I had my insecurities. He didn't masturbate unless he was alone in the house which was every couple of months. Now I don't care anymore. However I feel like Americans are also too much attached to porn.

  • No cause I get jealous too and feel the same way you do.

  • Oh. This.

    I don't get it. So many women watch porn and then accuse their boyfriends of cheating when they watch.

    But here is a scenario for you.

    Would you rather:
    - your boyfriend pressure you for something you don't like (like a threesome with another girl or anal or whatever). He presses and presses. He either cheats on you for real or he forces it on you.

    - your boyfriend boot up the Internet, watch a video of people he's never met, will never meet, have no emotional connection to and forget it after he's "finished"

    So which one?

    Most of porn is nothing to do with the people you are watching. It's about the act.

    Eg, a lot of men like watching lesbians. Lots of boobs, lots of vaginas. Are they going to dive into a lesbian pool? Unlikely.
    A lot of women like watching gays. Lots of penis. Will they dive into a gay pool? Unlikely.

    I cannot stress this enough. He does not care about the people involved. He does not want to be with them. He probably doesn't remember what they look like.

    And same goes for porn you have watched.

    So what's the problem?

    • i dont watch porn tbh its gross it makes me want to vomit

    • Okay. You don't watch porn. But do you not understand the point I was making?

  • I watch porn all the time, does not change the feelings I have for my boyfriend, nor it doesn't change the feeling he has for me... would u rather him get off to a fake chick online that's staged. OR would u rather him get off to a real bitch in reality... think about it. if it really bothers u then perhaps look at the type of porn he's into and learn from it and start doing some of the stuff they do. lol I do and believe me he has stopped watching it by half the amount than before. and by the way him jacking off makes him last longer for the next round ;) but cmon ur 17 lol u have alottttttt of growing up to do

  • it's not weird that you are jealous. i think most people have a certain amount of jealousy regarding it

    i think the biggest thing is something you mentioned, "insecurity". you presume he thinks the girls are hotter, or even comparing the girls to you. i for one watch porn and never compare the women to my partner as i know that women in porn large in part don't reflect the reality of what most women look like, should look like, or should behave

    so i would just try to balance your insecurity and jealousy with rational thought... that said if you truly feel like a partner watching porn is a betrayal then you may just have to look for guys who truly don't watch porn

  • I think it's wrong. Women should expect to be the sole object of their guy's sexual desire. If you don't want to share your guy with porn stars then tell him and be prepared to dump him. There are guys who will respect your wishes. Still, some women can learn to be tolerant of this kind of betrayal. (Fully expecting down votes on this one).

    • How can there be guys who respect this wish? I love your comment its perfect :) I'm not Christian or anything and my boyfriend isn't either, my issues are solely based on jealous and that is why I'm worried. I love him so much I can't leave him but either way I dont think anyone would stop watching porn for their girlfriend. FOLLOWED

    • Guys will grow to respect your wishes because as a relationship grows guys will have a growing desire to do things just to please you. I don't buy my girl flowers for any reason other than I know it pleases her. (From a guy's perspective flowers don't do a thing and they look dead in 3 days. Yet my girl has kept dried flowers I gave her 6 years ago.)

    • omg you're an angel

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  • I personally don't care if my partner watches porn unless he watches it when I'm here instead of being intimate with me. I don't get why it's a big deal otherwise.

  • Guys and girls are going to masturbate. Porn is just another accessory like a guys hand or a girls vibe. No need to take a healthy release personally or with jealousy. as long as his masturbating doesn't interrupt your real life sex life, it's arguably a deterrent to cheating.

    • You dont get jealous if your guy is masturbating to girls who may be hotter than you bc you're secure in yourself?

    • I did used to have those thoughts. But he makes me feel sexy and our love life is great. I'd much rather that than be at dinner and see him stare at a hot girl in real life. Like I said, unless he's choosing porn over you, it's meh, boys will be boys.

    • Lol true :) ty !!

  • Another one who is insecure and thinks it's everybody else's problem...

    • Actually I know Im the problem, my question was if I was an outlier in this or not

    • You are not necessarily an outlier. Lots of people have the same problem. It's basic jealousy. You are being possessive of him. He should only look at you, only think of you, he should only live through you, etc... I've seen it so many times. I have no sympathy for those people. They are the problem and should fix it by themselves.

    • yes thats exactly how i feel, thank you for understanding

  • Well you not the only girl who is overjealous about your boyfriend watching porn. I can see why you don't like your boyfriend watching other girls, but it's not an true betrayal, because he don't even meet them in real life, and he didn't do anything with them in real life.

  • I totally get that, I get jealous about it too and it's not weird many girls feel like this

  • If you are insecure about a woman who he will ever ever ever ever ever ever get with in real life.. I am really afraid to see how you react when he is chatting up the mail girl. Are mail women now in danger? GET A GRIP.

    • So the mail girl is in the same boat as watching porn? Are you on another Galaxy?

    • there not in the same boat that's my point. if you are insecure of someone on a computer screen then what in the world will you do if you see him talking to a girl in the real world?

  • It's not weird, a lot of women feel the same kind of insecurity when their boyfriends watch porn.

  • Jealousy over men watching porn is too common to be called 'weird.' However, it is entirely unwarranted.

    Read a romance novel, and ask yourself if your boyfriend has any reason to be jealous of the characters in the book. Porn is fiction. The girls are fake. Their nubile persona is fake. The situations are fake. The whole thing is just an act. Yes, the guy (s) "really" ejaculate at some point, but any guy will tell you that ejaculation is not a guarantee of satisfaction. That's true for both the actors and anyone masturbating to it. For (straight/bi) men, sexual satisfaction comes from affecting a girl with cock. It can be arousing to watch a girl pretend to be affected by someone else's cock, but it's not satisfying.

  • The problem isn't porn, it's your insecurity. I watch porn when I need to. It's just a release, it's just something to get you going in the moment. Does that mean I'm cheating on the person I'm with? No. does it mean I want anyone other than them? No. You have issues with insecurity, of not being enough or measuring up. Your pushing those insecurities on him and calling it betrayal and it really isn't.

  • I've heard this is common, so you aren't weird. But why don't you watch porn too? I nvr understood why anyone would be jealous about this. The stars are just acting, have tons of fake makeup, and fake a lot of reactions... porn is just like watching your fave TV cartoon. Everything is scripted... I really like watching it myself, so if my boyfriend wanted to watch fine with me.

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