Is it wrong that I envy, resent sexually active teens? Because I was celibate in all of my teens?

[Anonymous]

I didn't have sex until my mid-20s, I still kinda get angry and bitter, resent people who were lucky to lose their virginity in their teens, I didn't have that luxury, and it does kind of make me empathize for people who didn't have sex until later than normal, unfortunately guys get less sympathy than women do when being in a situation like this.

Sometimes I like to feel that women are the only gender that are owed or entitled, obligated to sex or a sexual relationship, since it has always been and probably always will be up to the guy to make the first move or initiate a sexual relationship, etc.

[MrOracle]

You need to take responsibility for your own success or failures, rather than blaming others. You are like a kid who dreamed of playing Major League Baseball, but couldn't be bothered to practice or try out for your school team - and then resent the guys on the team, even though those guys sacrificed a lot to get out and practice 20 hours a week and got their skills up.

If you had devoted REAL effort to getting laid in high school, you could have. I'm fat and ugly, and I got laid in high school - but it wasn't easy and certainly not without effort and sacrifice. I had a friend who wanted to get laid, but didn't want a job to make spending money, didn't want to go places where girls were, and didn't want to risk rejection by asking girls out. He graduated a virgin - no surprise.

It sounds like you figured things out eventually, which is good, but if anyone is to blame for your failures in high school, it is YOU, not others. Accept that, and learn from it so that you make better choices in the future, and quit wasting energy blaming others. That only makes you look pathetic.

[Asker]

Yep another reminder of how I know for a fact that accepting or taking responsibility for one's life has always fallen on men's shoulders more than women's

[Asker]

Because nobody gives a fuck about a woman's confidence, that's not how men are attracted to women

[IHateBeingaMan]

i feel that way too man, unfortuneately it will always be this way, its just as natural as an Earthquake or Hurricane, as in, men apparent end up as virgins later than normal, or don't finally have sexual intercourse until later than normal

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I don't think the age one loses their virginity is that important. Everyone does it at a different time and losing it at a younger age absolutely does not make anyone better than anyone else, and having lost it at a younger age is not better. In fact, there are a lot of people who regret losing theirs so young, because generally teens and very young adults tend to make decisions they don't think through, or make them out of pressure. I've heard a lot of people say they regretted doing it "just to get it over with" and/or wished they would have waited for someone special. So, losing it young is not always that great, and the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Personally, I've never gotten the big deal about losing one's virginity anyway. It's nobody else's business but yours whether or not you're a virgin or what age you lost it at, and it has no bearing whatsoever on the quality of person you are.

[Asker]

Historically, it's been the norm for people to lose their virginity in their late teens, or just 14-18 are the most common ages, if people don't have sexual intercourse for the first time in their teens, it's an almost for sure guarantee it will happen by the beginning of their 20s, Over 25 I'd say is when people start to become in the extreme minority

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Eh, I think there are a lot more older virgins out there than you think, they just don't announce it or shout it from the mountaintops, and some even lie about it because they are insecure about it. Personally, I guess I just don't see the point in being insecure about it or worrying about the age it happens at. It's different for everyone. My two cents is that age is irrelevant and people should do it when they personally feel ready, and with someone they're comfortable with, and to not allow anyone else or any childish stigma to pressure them or make them feel bad about their choice (or even the fact that they may have not yet had the opportunity, which there's also nothing wrong with). I just don't see the need to feel pressure and feel it should be something that happens naturally and isn't anything to lose sleep over. Especially the age you lost it at, as there's absolutely nothing you can do to change the past and it really makes no difference.

[Asker]

My guess is, you lost your virginity in your teens

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I'm actually still a virgin, lol. I was under a lot of pressure to lose it in my teens, but never felt ready or comfortable. Being a virgin doesn't bother me at all and I don't see why it should bother anyone. Like I said, the status of one's virginity has no bearing on the quality of person they are.

[Asker]

You are 25? Saving it for marriage or just very picky on who you date?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Asexual and aromantic, actually, but I was always a bit freaked out and grossed out by sex. I thought maybe those feelings would go away with the right person, but they didn't. I didn't feel comfortable at all just giving it up to just anyone. Perhaps the fact that I don't see sex the same way most people do is why I don't think the virginity thing is a huge deal, but I've known so many pathetic losers who had plenty of sex and very decent people who didn't, that I realized a long time ago that the stigma of being a virgin being "bad" and not being one meaning the person is all that and super desirable is really BS.

[Asker]

The movie The 40-Year Old Virgin, I'm not fond of that movie and it reminds me that I highly doubt there will ever be a movie like that in which the main star is a woman

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Oh well, movies are make believe anyway, and many are very out of touch with reality. I think the reason you wouldn't see that movie with a woman as the main character is because there is more of a stigma surrounding male virgins than female, which I've never understood, personally. It's usually considered a good thing for a woman to be a virgin, but yet it isn't for a man, and I've never understood why. It's neither good nor bad to be a virgin or a non-virgin regardless of sex. All it is, is whether someone has had a particular experience or not. It is overly stigmatized and put on a huge pedestal it doesn't deserve to be on.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Per your most recent update, I seriously hope that these are just angry thoughts that would never manifest into anything more, and that you wouldn't actually consider doing that. You really need to learn to let this go, as it is so unimportant (not to minimize your feelings, but losing your virginity at a later age than you like is a very, very small problem compared to what people across the world are having to deal with), and there's nothing you can do about the past. I can also assure you that no emotionally mature person cares what age you lost your virginity. I think it's best you move on from worrying about anything from high school either, as high school is a joke and the media's romanticism of it definitely does no one any favors (but then again, the media is very out of touch with reality and lives in a fantasy bubble). Nothing that happened in high school means anything once you leave. (Cont'd.)

[aWes0MeNeSs]

(Cont'd.) It is no one else's fault that you didn't lose your virginity at the age you would've liked to (and I promise you, the age one loses their virginity makes absolutely no difference and has no bearing on anything at all), and they don't deserve to be punished for it. Not to mention, is it really worth going to jail over and having on your record? There are much bigger fish to fry, and if this is the biggest problem you'll ever have in your life, consider yourself extremely lucky. Not to mention, who is to say everyone with a partner you see out in public lost their virginity in their teens (not that it matters anyway, and I can guarantee you that no partner worth their salt is going to even take that into consideration while making the choice whether to date someone)? You know nothing about their life. Also, all this anger is doing is poisoning YOU, and feeding your insecurities. If it's something you can't manage, perhaps it is time to talk to someone to help sort it out. This is really not something that should have this much of an effect on your life and control you to this extent. I sincerely hope anything I've written to you has helped.

[Asker]

Yeah you're right but it's just always enraged me how I always hated how it seems men need to have better social skills than women do in order to succeed in the dating world

[aWes0MeNeSs]

There are unfortunately a lot of unfair things in life and I understand where you're coming from. I personally think it would benefit everyone, man or woman, to have sufficient social skills, and for many reasons including, but not limited to, dating. A lot of women wonder why they don't get asked out enough, but they expect men to do all of the approaching, and that just isn't the way it always works. The good news, however, is that social skills are something that can be learned (and in my opinion, tend to be pretty easy and come naturally once you get past the intimidation of talking to people), and tend to get better the more you socialize. As someone who used to have the worst social skills (was even initially thought to have Asperger's Syndrome at one point) and was terrified of talking to people, it was very nerve-wracking at first, but eventually it got easier and now most of it comes pretty naturally to me (though I still have times where I fumble or feel awkward, but I think everyone feels that way at times). Even though there is a lot of unfairness in life, the good news is that there are always things you can do to make the best of what you have and improve, which in turn not only helps create a more successful dating and social life, but also builds confidence. Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you have to make lemonade. Often times, making that lemonade ends up also making your life better, and making you better as well. At least that is my experience.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

I don't see why you regret having waited for sex & envy younger people who lose it while in their teenage years. Everyone does so at different times in this day in age. Historically it was in the teenage years, but nowadays it doesn't matter because the species has populated the world, so losing ones virginity in the teenage years isn't necessary for the survival of the species by producing as many offspring as possible during the fertile years.

[Asker]

Because it means going longer without pleasure

[Asker]

Sadly I saw a question posted on here of a guy who says he's 30 and never had a girlfriend before, still a virgin, it's a depressing reminder how it's not unheard of for that to happen to a lot of guys

[UncleJessieRabbit]

My sympathy to you. Just seeing that brings me down sometimes too. Even though I have one only ex-girlfriend already. Still virgin, we didn't have sex, but still.

[Asker]

@UncleJessieRabbit how long were you with your ex?

[UncleJessieRabbit]

It was close to full 12 months. Why?

[Asker]

@UncleJessieRabbit why do you think you and her didn't have sex?

[UncleJessieRabbit]

I don't know, but I guess she wasn't ready even though we didn't even bring it up. She didn't sound like that type.

[Asker]

@UncleJessieRabbit was she a virgin too?

[UncleJessieRabbit]

She was still a virgin.

[Asker]

@UncleJessieRabbit how long ago was this relationship? Hopefully you meet someone new

[Asker]

@UncleJessieRabbit well best of luck to you

[Asker]

Yeah but since you're a girl you have the luxury of having guys pursuing you and hitting on you, escalating with you, guys never have that luxury with women, the burden of taking the lead falls on our shoulders

[summiter]

Our past is our past just enjoy life

[Asker]

Easier said than done

[Asker]

You probably lost your V-card in your teens, not everyone has that luxury

[Sarahr123]

Why? It doesn’t matter. I am still a virgin and proud. I’m saving it.

[JustAGenie]

Its strange in my opinion

[Asker]

Why so?

[OnTheLevel]

That's some misplaced anger

[Asker]

Well I didn't like that I was never part of the norm

[OnTheLevel]

So why take that out on someone who never did anything to you.

[Asker]

Well I'm jealous of them for growing up having had a better life than I did

[OnTheLevel]

Well you are pretty pathetic so...

[Asker]

People are entitled to their feelings

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Asker, I have to ask, why do you think that just because someone had sex in high school and you didn't means they must have a better life than you? To be honest, high school and anything that did or didn't happen during that time is meaningless once you're out, and I know a lot of people who regretted the sex they had that young. Having had sex by a specific age is in no way whatsoever an indicator of the quality of anyone's life, let alone the quality of that person, themselves.

[Asker]

@aWes0MeNeSs because it means growing up having a normal youth

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I have to politely disagree. It really means nothing at all, and there are a lot more people who didn't lose their virginity in high school than you think. Most people just aren't outspoken about it, especially at a young age. However, losing your virginity at a specific age (or losing it at all) absolutely has no effect on maturity or "growing up" at all.

[Asker]

@aWes0MeNeSs you said you are a woman who is a virgin at 25?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Yes.

[Asker]

@aWes0MeNeSs saving it for marriage or other reasons?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I'm asexual and am not interested in relationships, so there's no point for me. I've never had any interest in sex at all.

[BlackCatBone]

It's weird

[Asker]

Why so?

[BlackCatBone]

I pity them so... Your feelings are alien to me 👽

[Asker]

Says someone who probably lost her virginity in high school

[BlackCatBone]

Absolutely not

[Asker]

But I assume you were still in your teens, like I guess, 18 or 19

[BlackCatBone]

Neither

[Anonymous]

Jesus dude--you'd think by 30 you'd have figured out that the guys that got laid in high school didn't "get lucky." They worked at it! When you finally got laid in your 20s was it just dumb luck or did you finally get off your ass and do something?

[Asker]

What do you mean they worked at it?

[Opinion Owner]

They talked to girls, learned to flirt, learned not to be creepy, learned how to attract girls and learned how to escalate things so that the ended up having sex.

[Opinion Owner]

How the fuck did you end up getting laid?

[Asker]

A female friend of mine was willing just to take my virginity

[Opinion Owner]

lol! Nice! How was it? Did she fuck you regularly after that or just that once?

[Asker]

They talked to girls, learned to flirt, learned how to not be creepy, learned how to attract girls and how to escalate things, yup, it's a reminder that for guys, men, this stuff is optional or voluntary to learn or gain, not the other way around, probably because girls have always played a passive role when it comes to getting laid

[Asker]

Just a few times but it was awkward sex sessions

[Asker]

Yup, it's a forever reminder it's always up to the guy to get off his ass and do something about it, I never liked it but I know that will never change

[Opinion Owner]

Was she attractive at least? How was her body? And how was the sex?

[Asker]

I consider her average, I didn't orgasm with her though

[Asker]

Sounds like you got laid in your teens

[Opinion Owner]

lol!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. It was way better than average.

[Asker]

You probably lost your virginity before you were 18, not everyone has that luxury

[Opinion Owner]

It wasn't a luxury dude--it took work. But damn was the payoff awesome!

[Asker]

Yup for guys, men, learning how to talk to and interact with women is an option, choice, voluntary, not the other way around though, probably because women are forced to learn how to talk to guys since the burden of opening your mouth first has always been and always will fall on the guy's shoulders

[Asker]

Basically, it has always seemed, and I always resented that a guy it seems needs to have better social skills than a woman does in order to have a dating life

[Opinion Owner]

@update you DO realize that every time a girl gets fucked there's a dude there with a dick getting serviced as well, no?

[Asker]

Duh I know that, but I was just venting over how I always resented that guys typically have to work harder to get laid than women do

[Asker]

Most people agree it's impossible for a woman to be an incel, and due to how guys are always expected to talk to women first

[Opinion Owner]

It ain't that hard dude. Just as many dicks are getting off as there are pussies being pleasured by them. If you're not getting the results you want you need to do something different.

[Asker]

Many people say that guys need to have very good social skills but women simply put just have to be attractive or average looking

[Opinion Owner]

Yes but again every single time a girl is getting fucked with a penis, there's a guy on the other end of that penis. You seem to think that all girls are having sex all the time and that dudes are all at home with dry dicks. It's not true dude. Check the math. The number of hetero female sex act experiences = The number of hetero male sex act experiences.

[Opinion Owner]

You could call that the Fundamental Theorem of Hetero Sex.

[Asker]

Yeah but you always hear of guys not finally getting laid until deep or later than normal far more than women do, most people who enter their 20s and 30s as virgins are guys

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, so it's probably a good idea to figure out how to get laid earlier if you're a guy.

[Opinion Owner]

Unless you don't want to get laid. Then that's fine too.

[Asker]

Yeah the way I see it it's only guys who need to learn or know how to get laid but not the other way around, probably because for women it simply "just happens", should be obvious as to what I mean, girls normally are never the ones to make the moves on a guy to initiate a hookup or actively pursue a guy for sex. Another good example, when Hollywood made the movie The 40-Year Old Virgin, it's quite obvious as to why the star of the movie was a guy, male, I highly doubt there will ever be a movie like that in which the main star is a woman

[Opinion Owner]

So what? You seem to get off on just stating obvious things. Does that help you in some way?

[Asker]

I guess it gives me a self-esteem booster when I know I'm right about something

[Opinion Owner]

LMFAO! Okay, but you realize you've just "discovered" essentially that the sky is blue or that gravity makes things fall. It's pretty much a "no shit Sherlock" discovery. This is why the New York Times isn't pounding down your door to get your incredible insights. So you should probably work on figuring out something more interesting. Just sayin'.

[Asker]

Ya there are time so get so pissed off about the cards I was dealt with for having a penis, it fills me with dark thoughts at times

[Opinion Owner]

You know you can get a surgery to change that for you now. So if it bothers you have the doc lop it off and turn it inside out for you. Voila! Problem solved!

[Asker]

Yeah that has crossed my mind because that way I don't have to be the one to work for it, because men are the ones who work to get laid not women

[Opinion Owner]

Go for it!

[Opinion Owner]

@update. Literally NO ONE says that. Women need to be HOT to attract men. Skills don't matter--hot does. There's pretty much nothing that unattractive girls can do to compete with hotter girls.

[Asker]

So are you saying that unattractive or ugly women are kinda screwed when it comes to getting laid?

[Opinion Owner]

They can get laid, they just can't get the best guys. Their dating prospects won't be improved with skills. That's not how girls attract guys.

[Asker]

Looks like you learned how to get girls quite early in life

[Opinion Owner]

Not at all.

[Asker]

Guys have to work at it but girls don't

[Asker]

People are entitled to their feelings but I know I'll always be bitter and angry and enraged over not getting laid until later than normal, and it makes me want to beat up guys younger than me out of jealousy due to getting laid earlier than me

[Asker]

You make it sound like men have the better end of the stick

[Asker]

Guys like you I wish I could kick your ass

[IHateBeingaMan]

well, ya, he's right, girls don't need to know shit in order to get laid because they don't need to do jackshit in order to get a guy since girls are the ones that get hit on, it "just happens" for girls

[Anonymous]

That is because guys usually gets matured much later in their teens or their early twenties.

[Anonymous]

I lost my virginity at 15, I actually first touched a boy’s penis at 6, there are definitely added layers of innocence and rebellion that make young sex hot

[Asker]

Lucky you, wasn't until 25 for me, not everyone has the luxury of losing their virginity in high school or in their teens

[Asker]

And it is especially cruel how a lot of guys, men, enter their 20s and 30s as virgins

[Opinion Owner]

How is it cruel? You aren’t entitled to sex, you’re either able to attract someone or you aren’t, but if you can’t get laid you can’t pin the blame on the girls who didn’t want to have sex with you.

[Asker]

Sometimes I like to feel that women are the only gender that are entitled to sex, since they don't have to do the pursuing

[Opinion Owner]

I asked my boyfriend out and the guy I dated before him. I’ve been asked out plenty, too. If a dude is simping that’s his choice, though. You can’t get mad because you simped and a girl didn’t want you. Consider what’s turning women away, maybe back off slightly, and remember that women pay the price for being women, too. You may feel that we have the power sexually, but we have also been physically and socially marginalized by men for centuries.

[Asker]

Interesting, the last thing you would expect a woman to do, despite how modern the world has become, its still very rare for a woman to be the initiator in starting a relationship

[Asker]

Ya not everyone has the luxury of losing the V-Card in high school

[Asker]

Why am I not entitled to sex?

[Opinion Owner]

No one is entitled to sex. Rapists believe that they are entitled to sex, so they take it at the expense of their victims. That’s what entitlement is—believing that you have the right to something regardless of what anyone being affected by your actions might think or feel. We are not entitled to food, either. We can work hard in life and be kind, honest people, and with enough luck we will achieve things such as three meals a day and people that live us, but no one is automatically entitled to these things.

[Asker]

It just feels like an injustice that I didn't have any sex in my teens, it's like why couldn't I have sex in my teens but many others did

[Opinion Owner]

Haha well injustice seems a bit strong, it’s probably more of a reflection of your character than anything else. Not like some invisible force was working against you. Take some responsibility and realize there are worse things than being a guy whining about virginity on the internet.

[Asker]

Well it makes sense because it's normally the guy that is expected to make the moves on the girl or hit on her first, yes I know you told me about your case or the guys you dated but there's no denying that it's rare for a girl to pursue a guy

[Opinion Owner]

How does being the asker make you entitled to sex? If you’re continuing to be denied, you should ask yourself what it is about you that makes girls think twice.

[Asker]

Layers of innocence and rebellion that make young sex hot, yup, not everyone gets the joy of experiencing that, some people just have boring dull middle aged sex to look forward to or worse

[Opinion Owner]

Right cuz milfs and cougars aren’t hot lol

[Asker]

No, people's sexual stamina declines with age, declining libido or declining sex drive

[Anonymous]

guys don't know how to have sex properly when they're young. All you missed out on is weak sex and him calling you a whore behind your back to impress his buddies LOL

[Asker]

Unfortunately a lot of guys enter their 20s and 30s as virgins sadly, that is very cruel

[Opinion Owner]

I’m 23 and I’m a virgin and no guy wants me

[Asker]

Do you feel that being a virgin at your age has had a negative effect on self-esteem?

[Opinion Owner]

Of course, and since I am 23 with no experience people are quick to say that I’m a lesbian or asexual or that something is wrong with me mentally. But I want a boyfriend but no guy wants to date me and it’s like, why are they rejecting me? Are they all right about what they say about me? Am I even straight if I keep getting rejecting by guys and I don’t have any experience? It really eats away at your soul being rejected all the time

[maxflame]

Pm me for advice

[Opinion Owner]

@Asker, you literally just want an excuse to hate women and be an incel! even though we have it just as bad as you.

[Asker]

Probably because women don't have to be the ones to initiate anything that burden always falls on guy's shoulders

[Opinion Owner]

GIRLS do approach guys and guys literally shoo us away like we're a prostitue. You are looking for any excuse to label yourself as an incel and hate women. How many times do you leave your house? Do you even make an effort to meet new people? You don't even have a profile picture, so that no girl can find you to talk to you. by the way, women do not owe you sex, just like how men dont owe money to women. Yes its nice, but it's not needed

[Asker]

If I was attracted to her I would never do that

[Asker]

If I was not attracted to her I would not be rude like that

[Opinion Owner]

So clearly you can acknowledge that you’re not attracted to everyone. Same thing with women. Just because a guy looks at us for 2 seconds doesn’t mean we want to sleep with them either

[Opinion Owner]

Stop updating the question and stop being a INCEL! It’s gross and you’re actually putting SOOOO many girls off

[Opinion Owner]

THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU HAVE SPENT UPDATING THE QUESTION AND REPLYING TO PEOPLE. YOU COULDVE GOTTEN YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!! AND WHY ARE YOU JEALOUS OVER A BUNCH OF CHILDREN HAVING SEX? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU