Is it wrong to fantasize about my BIL?

Sometimes I (26 F) still fantasize about my BIL. He's the dream man in every aspect and he's very attractive too. My sister won and got him first before I even had a chance.

They met as 15 year-olds in HS and are still each others' first. Both were virgins. Even their b-days are only 2 days apart. Her was on April 5th and his on the 7th.

They've been married for 8 years (both are 29 years old), have a 5 year-old daughter and are now expecting twins boys. I've always had a crush on him. That's obviously a forbidden love. Is it wrong to fantasize about him?

Updates:
1 mo
I was 12 the very first time my eyes laid on him and it was an instant crush since. But I couldn't do anything and he'll never be my man. He'll just be stuck in my fantasies.
1 mo
BIL is short for brother-in-law
0 3

Most Helpful Guys

  • Nobody has the right to tell you who you can or cannot fantasize about.

    What I can say however is that it is clearly having a negative impact on your life. I mean, if things had of turned out differently and say he not met your sister, dated you when you were 18, and for whatever reason there was no chemistry there and the relationship ended, you would have put him out of your mind and gone on to date other people.

    In effect, you have lost several years of your life, which could be spent happy with someone, and you are STILL allowing yourself to be torn apart by something which you know can never be.

    So how do you go about fixing it? Well, the first step is to stop comparing every other guy on the planet to him. Go out on dates. Nothing serious. just have some fun.. I think, once you realise there are plenty of good guys out there who can make you happy, you will begin to wean yourself off of him!

    Good luck.. and stay strong.. You can do it!

    • Thank you for picking my answer as MHO

  • Fantasies are harmless. Just keep it there and no flirting either! Ok it's hard but that's forbidden fruit.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 16
  • You are free to fantasize about anything or anyone you want, but I would call this a dangerzone.

  • Too long be stuck with such fantasy… not healthy. Also not Faye if you have a boyfriend/husband.

    time to move on to be with a man who love you as well.

    • Yes true. I don't have a partner. I'm single and having bad luck in the dating world. I want what my sister has. She found herself a good, marriage-minded man. She got lucky with the first.

    • Yiu need to get that out of your head and respect your sister. When you are kind and mature… yiu will have better luck with men…now you are behaving like a 12 yr old…grow up.

    • Is there a way I can erase him from my thoughts?

    • Show All
  • Life can be like this with our fantasies, it’s making sure they remain fantasies and we don’t try or even think about trying to turn them into reality.
    obviously it’s something you cannot admit to, as it would not go down well.
    the longer you have them, they more deep rooted they become.

    we all have some strange or different fantasies at times, some are mild, some risky and for some it’s a trip down the cellar.

    • I'm going to move on eventually and hopefully I find someone that has those great qualities I look forward (similar to him). It would be great if I had what my sister has. She's so lucky. I'm not. Yeah I can't ever admit this fantasy. I only have it written on my journal dated back to the first time my eyes laid on him. I was 12 at the time.

    • @ asker, we all have (or a vast majority do) crushes at an early age, these can then become infatuations, both of which generate fantasies, which our brains use to give us dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin, we then get hooked on these ‘drugs’ and often have some fairly hard fantasies as these give us our fix.

  • I don't think it is healthy to fantasize about your sisters husband. I think you move on and focus on your own guy lol

  • Thoughts are free. But don't let you fantasies of him blind you to other amazing men you may meet.

  • That's far too many years to be fantasizing about him. I mean, look at all of the transitions here. Her high school sweetheart, her first, her fiance, her husband. I mean, yikes. That's a bit much & it spans over a decade. I'd try to start weening myself off at this point.

    • I tried to once have a conversation with him as a 12-13 year-old but he saw me as a kid and didn't show interest. I think if I would've been their age back then, maybe things would've been different. I'm trying to erase him from my thoughts as it's not doing me any good, he'll never be my man, I'm getting older and want kids to.

  • What’s Bil? Did you mean bill?

    • Brother-in-law... my sister's husband

  • Yes that is very wrong. Do you want Help? i can shame you for it. here.

    The fact that you are so desperate, that you are attracted to some random person that your sister is attracted to is lame. Its very sad. Bear with me here im trying to help.

    Its very sad and pathetic that you dont have enough confidence to find anyone.

    And instead you have a seething disgusting lying acceptance of your gross perverted nasty thoughts. Like do you shower? Im assuming that you are disgusting otherwise you would not have this problem.

    I hope this helps. Please try to understand im trying to motivate you to realize that you are filthy and gross and pathetic, so that you will say"you know what. he's right, i am filthy and gross and pathetic, and if i felt better about myself i would go find someone"

    good luck!

  • It's ok to noticed the attractiveness towards your brother in law and keep love pure for him but at the same time to get over him you need to substitute your fantasies with positive vision like interacting with other men that you find attractive and start by chatting to understand your attractiveness level towards us men.

  • Its not healthy to fixate on a taken person.

  • Nothing good will come from this obsession.

    • My sister always had luck on everything and she has the best man in her life; both handsome and loyal. Even during HS, his eyes was always on my sister and he rejected two girls that tried hitting on him. Meanwhile I have no luck.

  • Depends on who you ask but I don't think it's wrong

    • Yeah I keep this a secret and even have my own journal dated back from the time I met him for the first time. I was then 12.

    • Nice, just don't let anyone see your journal ☺️

  • lame

    • Yet you can't help who you're attracted to. I've always liked/loved that man.

  • Not at all. I’ve thought about my BIL’s spouse. Not sure what that is, SIL once removed?

  • Your just nasty. Move on and get your own man! SMDH!!!

  • you can't control your fantasies. sad for you.

    • Yes it's sad. That's the man (great in every single aspects; both handsome and family-oriented) I've always had a crush on since I was 12 and I have to eventually get about him, even in fantasies and move on, find someone else. My sister got so lucky to snatch him early on, right on the first.

  • Just make your move. Seduce the guy. He'll love and you will too. Every guy wants to do his wife's sister.

  • Do you also fantasize him pinning you to bed and entering deep inside you and making you his? 😫

    • I was 14 the very first I had a dream like that about him.

    • I asked cause almost every woman I've talked to here had fantasized the same about their crushes! I bet the thought of this act never fails to arouse you!