Guys, Is my boyfriend abusive or does he just like it rough?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend slaps me in the face whenever I don't get it deep enough in my throat or I'm not going fast enough. He also takes pictures of me after he comes on my face even though I said that it makes me uncomfortable. We honestly don't have sex that much but when we do it's always anal bc he doesn't like condoms and I don't want to get pregnant and even though it hurts I appreciate that he's respecting that. Every time he gets hard he says it's my job to make him come since blue balls are really painful for him but it feels like he gets hard so often like 7-8 times a day so I feel like I'm always sucking him. I'm really scared to loose him because he could get any girl he wanted and I'm just average. This is my first time having a boyfriend so I don't know what is normal and not.

[MrOracle]

There is nothing wrong with rough sex as long as BOTH people want it rough - but you clearly don't, so in this case, it's wrong, and you are being abused.

What's even more alarming then that is that you don't even hear yourself when you say "I'm really scared to loose him because he could get any girl he wanted and I'm just average." You are allowing your hypergamy (your desire to be with the best possible man) to enable your own abuse! You are "shopping outside your price range" by your own admission, and because both of you are aware of that, he's taking advantage of that by abusing you, and you're knowingly allowing it.

Even if you break up with him, if you don't take some responsibility for yourself and get your hypergamy under control, you're just going to repeat the cycle again and again and again - as so many women do. You'll constantly chase after the top guys, and those top guys will give you a bit of attention so they can fuck you, but they'll NEVER take you seriously as a girlfriend or even a person - because they know they can replace you in 5 minutes.

I've known dozens of these men - really good-looking, popular, successful men - and they all have a constant stream of new women - all of whom think they've won the prize by being with him - and they rarely last more than a couple of months, and often don't last a week. These men don't care about any of them - they really only care about themselves. Ironically, that's one of the things that makes them so attractive to women - most women see a handsome narcissist and their panties are soaked, but it NEVER ends well for the women.

You're an adult and you can live your life any way you want. If you want to let this man - or any other man - abuse you because you want to be associated with his status, then fine. Just don't complain when the abuse gets worse, or when you are unceremoniously dumped, because that's almost certainly what's going to happen sooner or later. The only thing that's keeping him around is your complete willingness to accept his abuse and to be his sex slave. If you're okay with that trade-off, that's your business - but know that it's causing heaps of mental and emotional damage, and when you turn 30 or so and these high status men don't even want you as a sex slave anymore (because they can get younger women for that), and you try to find a "good guy" to take care of you, you'll find those good guys won't want you either, with all of your emotional damage and baggage. You aren't just sacrificing yourself sexually, mentally, and emotionally NOW, but you're also sacrificing your future relationships too.

My advice, should you still be reading this, is to dump this guy, and to pick a guy ON YOUR LEVEL and pick him based primarily on his morals and values. No, he probably won't score you InstaGram points or make your girlfriends jealous, but he also won't abuse you, and he won't use you and dump you, and you can build a REAL relationship together. Or, keep doing what you're doing.

In the end, YOU will enjoy the benefits AND suffer the consequences of the decisions you make. No one can save you or protect you from yourself - that's YOUR job as an adult. And make no mistake, you WILL be made to pay the price, and just because the bill has only come partially due today doesn't mean that the rest of the bill won't show up eventually.

[Fireguy17]

I'm thinking it's time to move on.
It doesn't sound like he treats you very well, that you are just there for sex.
Not a big fan of the face slapping you face it is a turn on for you.
So you are giving him 7 to 8 blowjobs a day?
What is he doing for you.
You may think he can get any girl he wants, but how many women are there out there that would put up with that.
This is not normal behavior at all.
Ask yourself self this, am I better off putting up with this behavior for the rest of my life, or am I better off being single until I find someone who will treat me how I deserve to be treated.
This is abuse, you are his sex slave, who needs to be there at his beckon call.
If you had a daughter and she was being treated this way and you knew about it how would you feel about it?
You are young, he is not the only person in the world that would be happy to date you.
My guess is that if you stop the sex he will move on to someone else.
So much for true love.
Time to move on before it gets worse, and I'm betting it will.
For your well being move on.

[wheist9095]

That is super abusive, I think the biggest red flag to me is that he takes pictures of you even after you told him it makes you uncomfortable. It doesn't matter if you think you're only average and you think that he can get any girl, he is an absolute dirtbag. I think you would be much better off finding someone who respects you and treat you like a decent human being instead of assaulting you and disrespecting you like that. I'm not saying it's bad to have a kink, but consent matters from both parties with what you do.

[NamerOfStars]

That sounds pretty bad. Liking roughness is one thing, but if you've made it clear you want him to stop and he still refuses? Yeah, that's abusive.

[Jacobbbb]

That is extremely shitty behavior get rid of him he doesn't deserve you. You're giving him sex and he's getting mad about the little things you do wrong like that? And overall being selfish asf in bed? Yeah there's someone better for you

[summiter]

He is a self centered ass. You can do way better. Dump his ass.

[jshm2]

Meh, it's just everyday domestic abuse, you're suffering from.

Keep records, copy those pictures he has of you and any messages he has talking about you. He will probably be sharing those pic with his friends.

Once you have around a good selection of evidence then get yourself a domestic abuse lawyer.

[20yearsolder]

Here's the question, you enjoy being controlled and slapped in the face? What is a simple answer is, if you don't enjoy it it's abusive and why the fuck are you staying in this relationship

[crossdressingrihno]

Abusive

[RavVid]

How hard does he slap you? Is it more a gesture or does it hurt?

It sounds like you need more lube with the anal. It sounds he has a higher sex drive than you. I think this is the biggest problem if you are a 2 to 3 times a week girl and he is a 7 to 8 times a day guy

I can understand him wanting to take pics of the facials but you wouldn't want them released if you break up.

You don't want to lose him - but why? What attributes does he have? Is it simply good looks?

It doesn't sound that normal to me.

[exitseven]

He sounds like a real prize alright.

[MikeInHawaii]

Abusive! It will only get worse.