Is it my fault he can't make me orgasm?

[nicolerae08]

So me and my boyfriend have done a few sexual things together such as fingering and oral no sex sex though lol. Well he's never given me an orgasm. I can get them in about 5 or ten minutes when I'm alone but he can't give me one. I feel bad because I told him he did but tonight we were dirty talking/texting and I told him id just had the best orgasm ever because of what he said. He asked if it was better than when he went down on me for the first time. and I couldn't lie so I told him yeah and that I think we just needed to work on it more. I feel terrible. Like its my fault or I'm making him feel inadequate. I don't know what to do. I firmly believe that I can come without having an orgasm. He makes me come all the time but I just haven't had that orgasm yet like I can have when I'm by myself and I hate it. We usually make out for like an hour before we do anything so I'm not sure its really lack of foreplay. He always turns me on. I don't know what to do. tips. is it me or his technique and how do I fix it?

[Yakeshi]

This is a very delicate situation. But allowing him to go on like this for a long time will not be particularly helpful to either of you. Girls are generally harder to turn on and give orgasms to, or make come but that is just general. Us guys are much more visual, so it's way easier to turn us on and make us orgasm.

In short, no. I do not think it is your fault. It is not your fault you are the more sexually declined gender. I say this with the most possible, total and utmost respect for women, girls, and ladies everywhere. In my experiences and opinion, girls are just simply harder to get hard, or wet rather.

About telling him, something like this would be plausible:

"I have something I need to discuss with you... in private.

I'm sorry I've lied to you about this, but I didn't want to embarrass you.

You can't make me orgasm. I'm so so sorry for being so blunt and straightforward, but that's the only way in a situation like this.

But I still love you and want to be with you. <3

Maybe... you could take direction from me in bed, or I could explain what turns me on before we begin?"

[Warren]

I think you were on the right track, right until you told her to say "You can't make me orgasm." xD Rather than putting it out there exactly like that, the same thing could be achieved by just going straight to the directing during their next encounter. If he resisted and continued doing his own thing, THEN I'd suggest taking your approach.

[Myrrth]

Yeah don't start down the road lying about your orgasms whatever the temptation. You will just train your Boyfriend on how to not satisfy you. You could try to instruct him on how to go. On the fly it will tend to break the mood unless you two are good at chatty sex. It might be interesting to see if you can get yourself to orgasm while he is in the room (sounds odd I know) but if you can't then perhaps you are not comfortable enough with him yet. As for his technique, explore, find something that works. Perhaps he has fantasies that could turn you on.

[nicolerae08]

You have very good points. We talked about it. He wasn't upset. And I think it may be just because the relationship is new I do feel a little uncomfortable moving so fast, which we have also talked about. So I think your right it just tenses me up a bit and I'm not ready yet. Even though we're both very comfortable with each other sexually you just can't rush things. Thanks. :]

[dave216]

What if instead of him fumbling blindly around down there and disappointing you, the two of you watched each other do yourself? It can be very educational and is very erotic. You may be uncomfortable with the idea, but he will love it.

Want to read some experience of others who have done this sort of thing? link

[thetunasucks]

It's not your fault but it is up to you to help him do things that work for you. Not every girl is the same and different things work for different girls. If he's doing something that you don't like just tell him nicely try doing this or try it this way or even if you don't need to say it but put your hand on his hips to slow him down or guide him then it's all good. The more you discuss it the better off you'll both be.

[l-hedoniste]

You can tell anyone anything as as long as you make it your problem: "That thing you're doing, it's great, but *I* like it this way..."

And if your best orgasms are alone, big deal. It's not like he paid you for the right to give you your best orgasms. It's not even like he could. If he's smart, he'll do his best, and won't sweat the rest.

[Anonymous]

how can he possibly know what you like? If you continue to tell him that you had one, then he'll continue to do what obviously isn't working for you because he thinks you like it. Just guide him a better next time you're together.

[nicolerae08]

Yeah I brought it up to him when we were texting. I only told him I had one because we were being intimate when we asked so I didn't want to kill the moment. I definitely didn't fake it though. I just feel bad and am worried because I asked him if he was sure exactly where my clit was and stuff. And he never texted back. I told him it was good we just needed to do it more get more practice. He always seems to not hit the right spot even when I try and guide his hand.