Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Whenever I read posts about sexual history girls always say "the past is the past". I feel like this is a cop-out. Most girls know past promiscuity is a turn off, and in many cases even a deal breaker. I feel like they say this to avoid consequences for their actions.
Now let me say I don't think there is anything wrong with casual sex or having lots of partners. But I am more sexually conservative and try and limit my partners. I don't have casual sex and think sex is the most intimate thing two people can do and should be reserved between 2 people who care about each other. I am against slut shaming, but I think people should have the right to make their own dating preferences.
I just feel like saying "the past is the past" is not a good response. Yes, it is the past, but I have the right to exclude you from my dating pool because of it. Girls know most guys don't like promiscuous women and I think they use this as a way to avoid consequences for past behavior.
Anyways, what do you all think? Is it a valid excuse or is it a cop out?
Is saying "the past is the past" a cop-out?
ImTheDudeDude Xper 2
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What Girls & Guys Said
20 31Of course it's a huge cop-out. It's basically saying past actions have zero correlation with future actions or deep-seated personality traits, and that's BS.
I had sex somewhere between 20-40 girls. And it's only my business. Past is past can say either girl or boy. Past is past in my opinion it's not an excuse. It's a statement. It's a fact. In my eyes having more sex partners is not an issue. If someone doesn't like it, I don't really care. If my girlfriend would have problems with this fact, it's time to move on and find another one.
On one hand, prior experiences are private and the past need not taint the present. On the other hand that behavior defined a promiscuous girl's identity and the question is: Can she forcefully change her behavior and become a different person? The answer is yes, but a life changing experience is needed and "I ain't doin' that no more" isn't it.
You're right, it is only people with a high number of casual partners who use that "the past is the past" statement. :-P
I think you have a right to your opinion and to choose anyone you want based on whatever criteria you wish to use. That said, the past is the past.
But don't you feel saying the past is the past is a cop out? Girls generally know promiscuity is a urn off, so they say that so they don't have to face repercussions for their actions. Have their cake and eat it too.
But dude, the past truly is the past. People learn, people change. Virgins can become the sluts you fear, philanderers can become chaste.
Past behavior is a great indicator of who that person is. I am fairly conservatI've when it comes to sex. I want a partner who demonstrates similar conservative behavior.
Like I said, it's your right. Absolutely and completely. Just remember all the stories about preacher's daughters.
It is not an excuse to cop-out: it's the truth. I always say that so long as someone has no STDs or baggage from their past exploits, I don't care or want to know.
You do have the "right" to decide not to date people because they won't tell you stuff that's none of your business, but it seems to be cutting off your nose to spite your face. For all you know, they didn't do anything freaky at all and you're rejecting them based on your own imagination.
Giant cop-out that only cheaters and whores say. you'll notice as conservative, faithful girls don't use it
I say that this theory applies the same for men!!
@RinRinSaysLol you are correct
Thank you!
its a cop out. its also really dumb
"Modern people have this strange notion that mere time cancels sin." --C. S. Lewis
Meh, I tend to avoid those topics. I'd actually prefer not to hear a girl's sexual history unless it was something that'd affect the present like an STD or having a kid. If she was cheating the I'd care but other than that, it's not really my business.
I don't slut shame but I've had girls tell me about their sexual history or random hookups prior to meeting them and it's like Jesus h what's compelling you to tell me this.
Not that I'm saint myself. One time I hooked up with 2 girls in one night and despite the double standard, I wouldn't share that info with someone I'm interested in dating.
Well it may not bother that much because you sound fairly promiscuous yourswlf. But it could be a major turnoff to someone more conservative.
Well it's not someone's past alone that it bothers me. It's their attitude. Like if a girl overly sexual and send nudes, boasts about her sex life like they're trying to impress me then I find it a turnoff. All I'm saying is regardless of your sex life/lack of, there's no reason to advertise that stuff as it's unnecessary.
I don't even wanna talk about a girls exes. Because if she's constantly bringing up an ex then why is she with me?
It's a lot like saying:
"I was just stupid."
"It was my hormones."
or best of all...
"You don't trust me for who I was then?"
No... no I don't.
Mind you, though, this is a very specific situation I'm talking about, not just plain sleeping around. I don't usually think bad about girls who just sleep around.
The past is never "the past", it is what shaped you as a person and if your past is shit I don't see a reason why I shouldn't think that the person it shaped is also shit.
Simple. As you said, girls know that a slutty past is a deal breaker for lots of guys. They had their cake--and do not want to be held responsible for their actions. So they mentally say "suuure I was slutty as a 21 year old but I've learned and changed... so it magically does not count now."
Of course. I doubt "the past is the past" would fly for a man that served 10 years in prison for rape. A potential partner wants to know who you are today and who you were. A person's past says a lot about them and their character. Any person who says "the past is the past" knows that it may be perceived in a negative light so they try and be intentionally vauge about it. Thus confirming that it is a reflection of their character. People need to own up to their decisions and lay it bare for their potential partner to decide if they can live with it or not.
I totally agree. I mean you never know you might end up marrying and that ol saying 'the past is the past" may come and haunt you. My husband of now 25 years... told me that too. Basically he was quite the manhoe and i had no clue. I am no dummy please but damn during sex he still does things that i question to myself where did that come from
The past need not be talked about in the first place. It's not an excuse, it's an assertation. Whether they genuinely believe their own words is another matter.
It's the past, it's none of your business how she conducted her personal life, since intimacy/sex is very personal. Wouldn't want to know, and I don't ask, ever, if they feel like telling me their past on their own, then I listen, but unfortunately most men aren't like that. It's really not important unless they were sterile from the past or had some disease, but that's a almost an entirely separate issue.
It may not be important to you, but it may be important to others. When I am with a girl I want her to view sex the same way I do.
@ImTheDudeDude Then you better be bringing that up front and center and not waiting until some point into the beginning of a relationship, otherwise you're just wasting each others time.
You can usually tell fairly quickly. I try and casually mention it sometime early. But you can usually gauge if a girl is promiscuous after the first few dates
nope it is not
And women also have a right to exclude you from their dating pool too since you just admitted you sleep around too. Just like you mention most men don't desire whores, many women as well Don't desire whoremongers as well. Fair is Fair!
Last but not least, yes is a cop out.
Where did I admit I sleep around? I said no such thing. I don't sleep around, I'm more conservative.
"And try and limit my partners". If you're not having sex strictly with one person, than techanically you are sleeping around. Sleeping around doesn't necessarliy mean you have sex every other week with a different chick, but rather you sleep or have slept with diferrent sexual partners.
I think sleeping around is having multiple casual partners. I only have sex within a relationship. I wouldn't call that sleeping around.
It's am enormous copout.
It is just another meaningless cliché.